Page 46 of Love Notes and Late Nights
“Don’t know yet,” Wolf replied.
“Did you crash here last night?” Marshall asked Harris.
Heat burned Harris’ cheeks, and he hoped they weren’t beet red. “Yeah. Wolf gave me some phenomenal paintings. They’re amazing.”
“Really?” Marshall looked at Wolf. “You never gave me any paintings. Ethan has a couple. Now Harris. I’m beginning to feel a little left out here, bruh.”
Wolf hid his bashful smile behind his coffee cup. “I’ll get around to it. What kind of art do you like?”
Marshall thought about it as he nibbled on a piece of bacon. “I like dogs.”
“Dogs it is!” Wolf raised his coffee cup in the air. “It’ll be your Christmas present.”
“Awesome.”
After they finished breakfast, Marshall corralled them outside to show off his car, then he split. Harris waited until the sound of the engine faded and then placed his hands on Wolf’s hips, pulling him close. Their bodies collided with a thrill that set Harris on fire. “Is that guy oblivious or what? Don’t we look like we were up half the night fucking like crazy?”
“If we don’t, then we didn’t do it right.”
Harris laughed a little. “We can always try again.”
Wolf nuzzled Harris’ neck with his lips. “I think that’s a good idea.”
As they walked back inside the mansion, Wolf was quiet, as if he had something on his mind, and the sexy grin that hadbeen on his face a few minutes ago disappeared. “Can I ask you something?”
Harris stopped walking, pressed his lips together and braced himself. “What is it?”
“Why did you change the subject so quickly when Marshall asked if you crashed here last night? Why didn’t you want him to know we slept together?”
“I don’t know.”
“Are you embarrassed about being with me or something?”
Harris’ shoulders fell, and he gave Wolf a soft smile before he wrapped one hand around Wolf’s waist and put the fingers of his other hand through Wolf’s hair. “I’d never be embarrassed of you. How could you ever think that? You’re an amazing person, Wolf. You’re sweet and kind. You have a great sense of humor. You’re resilient. You’re an amazing musician, an incredible artist, and you’re a great friend. And you’re one hell of a lover. I’m crazy about you.”
The light returned to Wolf’s eyes and the tiny smile was back on his lips. “I’m crazy about you too.” He leaned in and kissed Harris. “For the record, I don’t think we should broadcast it to everyone just yet that we’re together. We are together, right?”
Harris closed his eyes, unable to comprehend that all his dreams were coming true. He felt on top of the world, a thousand feet tall, and bubbling over with happiness. “Yes. That’s exactly what I want. To be together. Me and you, as a couple. That’s all I’ve wanted for a long time. But I agree. It’s probably a good idea if we keep things on the down low for a while. Until after the tour.” Basically, because he had no idea how Ethan was going to take it. Not because Ethan would be jealous. Technically, Wolf was Ethan’s ex, and there was bro code to consider. Harris was crossing a boundary. The conversation with Ethan about the kiss, and Ethan’s words about wanting to know if more was going on between him andWolf, added to the layer of guilt. But he had no choice. Waiting to tell Ethan until after the tour was the only solution because they had a show to do night after night. The fans deserved the best show possible, and that wouldn’t happen if discontent overshadowed their performance. And he wasn’t waiting another second to be with Wolf. He’d waited long enough.
Covered in sweat and trembling, Wolf pulled the covers over his head and began to silently cry. Another nightmare claimed his sleep and pushed him back down a dark path. When were they going to stop? They’d tapered off, and he thought they were going to go away for good this time. Why did they come back? Things were great. He was happy. He finally had someone who genuinely cared about him.
He quietly slipped out of bed, thankful that he somehow didn’t wake Harris. He shouldn’t have been embarrassed about having a nightmare because he knew Harris understood, but that didn’t matter. He was broken.
Washing his face calmed him, as if he scrubbed away some of the old memories, but they were always there under the surface. There was no escaping them. He knew that. But he also knew he couldn’t go on like this any longer. Something needed to be done.
After Harris left late that morning to deal with personal errands before the tour started back up again, Wolf knew what he needed to do and took off.
He slowed his car down the familiar street and stopped in front of a house he hadn’t seen in a long, long time. He couldn’tbring himself to get out of the car. The house, different in so many ways, still resonated with him on a deeply personal level and brought back everything he tried to forget. The stabbing pain in his chest was no better than it had been back then. Time didn’t heal old wounds, so whoever made up that saying was dead wrong.
A different family lived here now, and by the number of toys in the yard he assumed it was a happy one, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. Appearances were deceiving. Back then, everyone had thought he had a happy family. His parents were respected people in the community, active in the church and at school. No one knew how cruel they were. Not even Ethan’s parents. Ethan knew to some extent, but his exposure didn’t even touch the surface of the physical and verbal abuse that went on in that house.
Wolf was glad when his parents moved out of the neighborhood. He only wished they’d done it long before he graduated high school, so he didn’t have to run into them every once in a while. Even when they had crossed paths, he never had to speak to them because they acted as if he didn’t exist. It hurt. He’d pretended he didn’t care and avoided them as much as they avoided him. He had never once tried to communicate with them, although some small part of him always wished his parents would love him again. He would never understand how anyone could toss their kid aside like an old shoe because of who they loved.
He was over it. He really was. But the scars lingered. The emotional ones. The physical ones faded a long time ago.
He didn’t know why he felt the need to drive past the house. Maybe he thought it would help him forget or remind him that this chapter of his life was closed. But he didn’t feel any differently than before.
The curtains inside the house moved. Someone probably noticed a car stopped out front with a long-haired dude staring at them. He waited a couple of seconds and slowly pulled away so it didn’t look as if he were caught doing something wrong.
