Page 17 of Love Notes and Late Nights
“I don’t know what to do, Wolf, but I’m gonna try my hardest. I am.” He placed a kiss on the side of Wolf’s head.
Wolf sighed again and snuggled his face into the crook of Harris’ neck.
After a long while, Harris gently led Wolf to the couch, and they sat together, quietly, as Harris waited for Wolf to say something.
“I had a bad dream, and I just needed to get out. I didn’t want to be alone. I was halfway to Ethan’s before I remembered Tyler lives with him now.” Wolf started shaking his head. “I didn’t want to intrude. I don’t want to do that to them. They deserve privacy. Not to be burdened with my fucked-up shit.”
“It’s not fucked-up shit. It’s real shit. You’re not a burden, Wolf. Not to Ethan and not to me. And Tyler understands that.”
Wolf smirked, as if he didn’t believe what Harris just said, and he kept his gaze in his lap.
Harris moved closer and put his arm around his friend. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Wolf quickly shook his head.
“OK. We can just sit here until you feel better. I don’t care if it takes all night.”Or the rest of our lives.
Wolf wrapped his arms around Harris’ midsection and rested his head on Harris’ chest. “Thank you.”
They stayed like that for a long time, just hugging without talking, and it felt nice. They were sharing something intimate that wasn’t sexual or romantic. They were two friends connecting on another level, growing closer.
Wolf began to relax, the tension leaving his body. Instead of his tight, stiff posture, the muscles in his arms and back softened, no longer on edge, and his breathing took on a steady rhythm instead of the short, labored breaths that made him tremble.
Harris rested his cheek on top of Wolf’s head, feeling slightly better that he was able to console his friend, but wished Wolf would talk about the shit that haunted him, or talk to someone about it. But that was a conversation for another time.
Eventually, sitting in the same position on the couch began to take a toll on Harris’ back. He knew Wolf wasn’t asleep by his breathing and frequent small movements, so he gently asked, “Do you want to go to bed? The housekeeper was here today and changed all the bedding.”
There was a pause before Wolf pulled back and looked up at Harris and nodded. His eyes still glistened, making them an ocean of bright green, and he still had the sad face of a little boy scared to death by invisible monsters under the bed or in the closet.
As they stood and started walking toward the staircase, Wolf reached out and took Harris’ hand. It felt normal, although it sent a little spark of electricity into Harris’ heart.
When they reached the landing to the second floor where the bedrooms were located, Wolf stopped. He pressed his lips together and hesitated. “Can I sleep with you? Just sleep. That’s it. I promise. I don’t want to be alone. That’s all. I’m . . . I’m spooked. I want company. I want to feel safe.”
The vulnerability in Wolf’s voice and the fear in his eyes sliced Harris to the core. He felt as if his chest were about to cave in, and he knew his face conveyed the same empathy. “Of course.”
It was awkward standing on one side of the bed with Wolf on the other, and Harris knew they both felt it. Plus, Wolf was barely dressed.
As if reading Harris’ mind, Wolf asked, “Can I borrow a T-shirt?”
“Sure.” Harris found a plain white undershirt in his drawer and handed it to Wolf, then they both slipped into bed. “All right if I turn off the lamp?”
“Yeah,” Wolf replied. After a few seconds, he started to fidget and rolled over from his back to his side and to his back again.
“Everything OK?” Harris asked.
Wolf let out a long sigh. “No.”
“Do you need something?”
Wolf sighed again. “Would you mind holding me for a bit? Just holding me,” he quickly clarified. “Until I fall asleep. I’m just scared.”
“Why are you scared? There’s nothing to be scared of.” Harris knew Wolf was upset but never thought he was frightened by something—or someone—from his past returning. “Are you worried someone is going to try to hurt you? I’ll get security here in a matter of minutes if that’s the case.”
“No. I know there’s no reason to be scared. No one is coming to get me.” He grunted a sarcastic laugh. “No one cared back then. They certainly don’t care now. It’s just that when I have these dreams, all those scary feelings from when I was a kid and living with my parents come rushing back, and I can’t shake them. The ironic thing is that they’re worse now than when it was happening.” He scrunched up his face and shook his head. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“It doesn’t have to make sense. That’s just the way it is.” Harris opened his arm for Wolf, and his friend settled in next to him. Wolf clutched the sheet in one balled fist and tucked it under his chin while he laid his head on Harris’ chest, and Harris kept a protective arm around his friend. “You’re safe. I promise. I won’t let anyone hurt you. Not even in your dreams. I won’t fall asleep. I’ll stay awake all night and watch you to make sure you don’t have a bad dream.”
A tiny smile appeared on Wolf’s face. “You don’t have to do that.”
