Page 16 of Love Notes and Late Nights
“You’ve seen me have nightmares before.” During the early days of touring, some of his nightmares were 10 times worse than they are now. He’d scared the shit out of everyone, including the bus driver, in the middle of the night when he woke up screaming. “What was so bad about this one?”
“I don’t know. I guess because you were so scared. I don’t want you to wake up like that and be alone.” Harris dropped his chin into his chest and walked with his head down for several seconds. “I care about you, Wolf. I don’t ever want to see you hurting or know that I could’ve been there to help you and I wasn’t.”
The sincerity and empathy in Harris’ voice touched Wolf in ways he never expected. His chest felt tight, and his throat closed up. “You mean you’re driving all the way over to my place to make sure I’m OK?”
“Yeah.”
Wolf struggled to find his voice as an overwhelming warmth spread through his body. “Not many people have been there for me in my life. Thank you. It means a lot to me. More than you know.”
Harris stopped and turned to face Wolf. He nodded. His throat bobbed. He wrapped his arms around Wolf and held him in a tight embrace before giving Wolf a few pats on the back.
Wolf returned the hug. His chest filled with vulnerability but also feelings of security at the same time. He needed someone like this in his life. Someone to lean on. Someone besides Ethan.
What Wolf really wanted was to get his life under control. He was 27 years old. When the fuck was he going to straighten his life out? He wished he had an answer for that question—one he’d been asking himself for years. He wasn’t there yet, but he knew he would be one day. He still needed a little help, and if Harris was offering, he’d take it.
CHAPTER FIVE
The darkness was almost pitch black, except for the sliver of light that seeped in under the door. He could hear faint, unfamiliar voices coming from the living room and thought about calling out for help, but fear of retribution made him reconsider. He couldn’t take the chance. It was probably the TV anyway. Besides, whoever it was probably wouldn’t believe him. He was just a kid.
The side of his head ached, and there was a sore spot on his back. He rubbed at the two bruised areas and tears stung his eyes, not because of the physical pain but because of the way he was treated. He hated them.
Eventually, the house was quiet, and the slice of light disappeared. He slowly turned the knob on the closet door and cracked it open. He had no idea how long he’d been hiding. The closet was one of his safe spaces. It was located on the first floor next to the door that led to the garage. There was no reason to be at this end of the house unless someone was going out. It was late, so his parents wouldn’t be near it—not that they’d be looking for him.
There was silence and darkness, so he ventured out, tiptoed through the house and up the stairs. When he got to the landing to the second floor, it was quiet and the knot in his stomach began to loosen. He almost made it to his room when he tripped over something on the floor. He didn’t know what it was, but he stumbled and fell into the wall with a thud. His parents’ bedroom door flung open, light burst into the dark hallway, and his mother’s angry face stared back at him.
“What are you doing?” She took three determined steps toward him.
His heart pounded. His eyes widened, and he inhaled a deep breath of air. Then he ran downstairs, out of the house, and into the black night.
Wolf woke up in a state of confusion with his heartbeat reverberating in his ears. Covered in sweat and breathing hard, he found himself running toward the front door. He stilled and looked around to reorient himself with his surroundings. He was safe. It was his home, not his parents’ house. Overwhelmed by the nightmare, he dropped to the floor and let the tears fall.
When would the nightmares end? When would it all be just a distant memory? There would be no going back to sleep now, and he wanted the comfort of his best friend, so he grabbed his keys and sped out of the garage without bothering to change into street clothes.
A text message at three in the morning meant either someone was drunk or something was wrong. Harris rubbed his eyes and immediately sat up when he saw Wolf’s name on the phone screen.
WOLF: I’m outside. Can I come in? Sorry to bother you. I don’t want to be alone.
Harris jumped out of bed and headed to the front door as he tapped a reply on his phone. He didn’t know what happened to cause Wolf to show up on his doorstep in the middle of the night, but he was sure it was another nightmare.
Wolf’s face looked haggard and drawn, with dark circles under his eyes, and he wore the saddest expression. His hair, always so beautifully styled, was a matted mess, as if he’d been tossing and turning all night. And he was dressed in only a pair of sweatpants cut into shorts and no shirt, as if he couldn’t even take the time to put on clothes.
“What happened?” Harris asked, taking hold of Wolf’s arm and pulling him into the house.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know where else to go.” Wolf kept his head down as he spoke and shuffled inside.
“Don’t be. You can come here anytime. I don’t care if it’s in the middle of the afternoon or the middle of the night. If you need me, you come over or call me. Can I get you something? Tea? Coffee? A drink?”
Wolf shook his head and finally looked up at Harris. Big, hot tears glistened in Wolf’s eyes, but didn’t fall, and deep lines framed his face as his mouth bowed down into a quivering frown.
Harris had never seen his friend like this, and it gutted him. Without thinking or worrying about invading Wolf’s personal space, he rushed at him and hugged his friend. He didn’t offer any soothing words, because he didn’t know what to say to make Wolf feel better. He wanted to protect this man and shield him from all the sadness and trauma he’d endured and hugged Wolf with everything in his body. Wolf clung to him, fisting Harris’ shirt.
The hug lasted almost a full minute before Wolf slowly loosened his embrace, but Harris didn’t want to let go. He wanted to hold this man until all the ghosts were admonished and laid to rest.
“I’m OK,” Wolf said in a low voice.
“No. You’re not.” Harris hugged Wolf tighter, fighting back his own tears.
Wolf rested his head on Harris’ shoulder and sighed.
