Page 52 of Half Notes and Highlights
When they reached the curtain, without hesitation they all formed a circle and placed their hands in the middle. Marshall’s hand was separating Ethan and Wolf’s hands, but the bond was there. They all felt it. That hadn’t changed, and Ethan began to feel better, like everything was going to be OK.
Ethan went on to say his usual pre-show ritual, giving thanks to the universe and each other, but added a couple of sentences. “I love you guys. My life wouldn’t be the same without any one of you.” He said it about all three of his bandmates, but it was directed at Wolf, and he kept his eyes on his best friend as he said it.
They pumped their hands in unison and broke the stack. At the last second, Wolf finally met Ethan’s eyes. Just for a brief moment. If Ethan blinked, he would have missed it. But hedidn’t. Their gaze met for an instant. So much passed in that fraction of a second, and it said everything.
They ran on stage to a screaming crowd. The adrenaline was contagious, and lightness filled Ethan’s core, obliterating the tension and turmoil of the day. He stood at the apron and leaned forward, projecting his vocals at the fans in the first few rows.
Hands reached for him.
Girls wailed.
Guys pumped their fists.
Marshall came up beside him, and they pressed their backs together, chins jutted toward the ceiling. Ethan ran to the back of the stage jumped on the drum riser, singing directly to Harris now. Harris twirled a drumstick through is fingers, pointed it at Ethan, then resumed the assault on his toms.
Normally, Wolf would be the next stop on stage, but Ethan was afraid to push his friend too far too soon. So, he played it cool, just like Paul said, and sauntered back to the apron. He inched in Wolf’s direction and hoped Wolf would meet him halfway, but Wolf stayed in his corner. Fuck this. Ethan marched straight up to Wolf and projected the vocals at his best friend. Wolf never raised his eyes, so Ethan sang louder, with more grit in his voice and leaned forward, his arms flying wildly to punctuate the lyrics and get Wolf’s attention.
It was barely there, but Ethan saw it. The corner of Wolf’s mouth curled the tiniest bit on one side. Then Wolf dipped his knees, circled Ethan while plucking his bass, and ran to the other end of the stage.
The rest of the show was pretty much the same with Ethan baiting Wolf for a reaction, and Wolf mostly ignoring him. There were very subtle hints that Wolf was teasing Ethan, like the brief eye contact and that half second of facing Ethan before turning and sprinting in the opposite direction. And the crowd loved it.
Things were going to be OK. But Ethan needed to be sure. Once they were on the bus and on the road, he took a seat next to Wolf on the couch. Harris and Marshall looked apprehensive, and exchanged nervous glances, then both retreated to the dining area, far enough away not to eavesdrop, but close enough to intervene if needed.
“Are you alright?” Ethan asked Wolf, concern heavy in his voice. He wanted to put an arm around his friend, but thought the contact wouldn’t be welcome.
Wolf leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees, and let out a long sigh. He turned his face toward Ethan. “I knew this was going to happen. I saw it coming. For a long time, not just since you met Tyler. I knew you were looking to settle down.”
“I wasn’t,” Ethan protested. “I swear. This thing with Tyler just blossomed unexpectedly.”
Wolf looked down at the floor of the bus, as if studying it, and didn’t say anything else.
Ethan’s heart ached for his friend. The guy was always a loner. Before the band, Ethan had been his only friend. Even now, with fame and wealth, Harris and Marshall were Wolf’s only other friends. They were his pack. That’s why Wolf wanted to name the band Wolf Pack. The four of them had a special bond, and Wolf had no one outside his pack.
The guy had major trust issues and was more sensitive than he let on. Ethan knew that. He just didn’t expect Wolf to take their breakup so hard. It hit Ethan hard too. Wolf was always there. Always available, and always there when Ethan didn’t want to be alone. He realized he relied on that too much. Maybe even took it for granted. But that was their dynamic and had been their whole lives. It was hard to see that Wolf was more vested in their relationship, emotionally, because Wolf didn’t open up. The guy was a closed book and kept his feelings to himself.
They sat quietly for a long time both internalizing their thoughts. Finally, Wolf spoke. “I know he makes you happy. Anyone can see that.”
It wasn’t much. Wolf didn’t say he was happy that Ethan was happy. He didn’t say he was OK with the relationship or would be nicer to Tyler, but those two tiny sentences and the empathy in Wolf’s voice settled Ethan’s galloping anxiety and the ache in his stomach. “Thank you,” he said, because he knew Wolf’s remark conveyed a heavier sentiment. He slung his arm over Wolf’s shoulder and gave him a side hug. “Love ya, bruh.”
Wolf leaned into Ethan, but kept his gaze lowered. “Love you too.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The next weekend, when Tyler joined the tour in Dallas, Ethan needed to check in with Wolf to make sure he was OK. The guy had been unusually quiet and withdrawn, and he worried Wolf was going to have a meltdown or something once they were all in the same room together.
“I’ll be right back,” he told Tyler.
“Where are you going? I just got here.”
“I need to talk to Wolf for a minute.”
Tyler stiffened but didn’t say anything.
“I just want to make sure he’s OK. I don’t want any surprises when he sees you.”
“What kind of surprises?” Tyler asked, suspiciously.
“I don’t know. He hasn’t said much all week. He’s the kind of guy who keeps everything bottled up, so I worry about him. He doesn’t talk about his feelings.” It hit Ethan how Wolf and Tyler were the exact opposites in every way, except they both had a tremendous amount of inner strength. Despite all of Wolf’s insecurities and internal trauma, he had tenacity and the will to fight. Ethan joined Tyler on the couch and rested his hand on Tyler’s knee. “I won’t be long. I promise. You trust me, don’t you?”
