Page 50 of Half Notes and Highlights
After Marshall left, Ethan stayed sitting on the couch too exhausted to move. His mind kept going back to all he and Wolf had been through in their lives, especially when they were younger.
16 years old
Ethan woke with a jolt and immediately turned to look at Wolf in the bed next to him. His friend was having another bad dream.
Wolf wasn’t screaming, but he was whimpering and mumbling loudly while thrashing back and forth, kicking at the covers which were tangled around his legs. They’d been sharing a room for a year already, and Wolf was still having trouble sleeping through the night.
“Wolf,” Ethan whispered. “Wake up. It’s OK. You’re just having a bad dream.” When Wolf didn’t wake, Ethan sat on the edge of his friend’s bed and rested his hand on Wolf’s shoulder. “Wolf. Wake up.”
Wolf jumped and gasped, recoiling at the touch, then let out and exhausted breath. Tears filled his eyes and spilled over as he met Ethan’s gaze, and he wiped at his face, embarrassed. “I’m . . . I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Ethan had no idea what happened to Wolf to cause the bad dreams or what they were about, because Wolf would never talk about them. “Was it bad?” he asked.
Wolf nodded.
“You’re OK now. You can go back to sleep. No one’s going to hurt you here.”
Wolf nodded again.
As Ethan headed back to his own bed, he stopped to look at his best friend. Wolf was curled into himself, shaking slightly, and hugging the pillow as if it were a lifeline. Ethan’s heart fell to the floor, pulverized, at the sight. “Do you need anything? Water?” He sat back on Wolf’s bed, wishing he knew what to do.
Wolf looked up at Ethan, and he looked like a scared little boy instead of a 16-year-old teenager. “Can you lie down in bed with me? Just until I fall back to sleep?”
It was such a simple request that Ethan couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought of it. “Yeah. Of course.”
Relief covered Wolf’s face, and he scooted over so Ethan could climb into the bed. Ethan put his arm around Wolf, and Wolf breathed out a long sigh as he rested his head on Ethan’s shoulder fisting the sheets to his chest. A few minutes later, Wolf’s breath deepened, and he fell asleep.
The next day, everything was back to normal. They woke up, ate breakfast, and went to school without talking about the late-night incident, just like always.
Most of the stuff going on in Wolf’s head was a mystery. Wolf kept his feelings locked up inside him and had insecurity issues, but he didn’t know how strong he was. He was the strongest person Ethan knew. He had the courage to have a boyfriend when he knew his parents would freak out, and the strength to confess his sexuality to Ethan’s mom and dad. He was even brave enough to continue his relationship with Bobby after everything hit the fan. And when they broke up, Wolf had the fortitude to pick himself up and date again.
As Ethan and Wolf sat on the floor of their room and played Grand Theft Auto, Ethan started to wonder about something that had been stirring inside him for a while. “Can I ask you a question?”
“What is it?” Wolf asked, without shifting his gaze from the video game on the TV.
Ethan couldn’t believe he was about to ask this out loud, but he needed to find out the answer, and Wolf was the perfect person to ask. If Wolf could be open about it, so could he. “Did you ever kiss a girl?”
“No. I don’t like girls. Never did.”
Ethan had kissed many girls but never did much more than that. It always bothered him that he wasn’t interested in pursuing a sexual relationship with them, because most of his other friends bragged about their accomplishments. Granted, a lot of the stories were probably embellished, but Ethan had nodesire to brag about something like that. “What does it feel like to kiss a guy?”
Wolf put down his controller, and a loud crash came from the TV as his avatar was destroyed. He stared at Ethan, blankly, and finally asked. “Why? Do you want to kiss a guy?”
Ethan smiled sheepishly and nodded. “Yeah. I just don’t know anyone who would want to kiss me back. I’m pretty sure the guys I have my eye on are all straight.”
Wolf chewed his lip for a moment while his eyes shifted back and forth. “You could kiss me. If you want. To see what it’s like.”
Ethan would be lying if he said he never thought about kissing Wolf, but Wolf was his best friend, and that could be really weird and ruin everything between them. That’s the last thing he ever wanted to happen. Wolf had lost so much in his life. There was no way Ethan wanted to risk their friendship, not just for Wolf’s sake, but for his own as well.
“It wouldn’t mean anything,” Wolf added. “Whatever. It was just an idea.” He picked up his controller and turned back to the video game.
“No. I mean, yeah,” Ethan quickly replied. “I want to. I do. To try it. Like you said.”
An enthusiastic smile spread across Wolf’s cheeks, and he tossed his controller aside. “Cool.”
Nerves made Ethan’s heart flutter and his palms sweaty. He smiled apprehensively, not sure what the hell to do, but Wolf took the lead. As soon as Wolf’s hand cupped Ethan’s jaw, he sucked in a breath and his eyes lowered to Wolf’s lips. He never noticed how full they were before, and he really wanted to kiss them. Slowly, he moved closer, and Wolf did the same. Their lips pressed together, softly, and stayed that way, making Ethan’s heartrate speed up and his internal thermometer spike.
Wolf pulled away, a millimeter at a time, just so there was barely an inch between them. His eyes were still lowered, and a smile permeated his lips. “Do you want more?” he whispered.
