Page 55 of Street of Dreams
Jake tightened his grip, even though his whole body shook. His hand turned clammy, and he hoped the gun didn’t slip. He wanted to pull the trigger, more than anything. But he didn’t know if he could do it. He broke into a cold sweat, and he felt as if all the blood drained from his body. As he stared in his old man’s cold, black eyes, he saw nothing. No feelings. No remorse. Just lifeless dead eyes.
“What the fuck are you waiting for?” Bruce sneered. “You want me dead. I see it in your eyes. That’s why you brought that gun down here with you, right? Be a fucking man.”
Jake’s lips started to quiver, and he fought to control his emotions as the years of mistreatment and resentment flooded his brain with memories. He steadied the gun with both hands.Pull the fucking trigger! God damn it! Do it!He fought an internal battle in his head that caused his face to contort with anguish. Short gusts of breath escaped him, and tears filled his eyes as his composure hung by a thread.
Bruce suddenly knocked the gun away from his forehead. “You fucking pussy. Get the fuck out of my face.”
Jake’s shoulders fell and a sob escaped him. As much as he hated this piece of shit and wished the man dead, he could never take a life. He wasn’t a killer. Humiliated and filled with utter despair, Jake slowly walked out of the kitchen and headed to his room.
The tears started as soon as he climbed the first step. He held in all sounds, but his body wretched. He knew Bruce wouldn’t think twice about pulling the trigger and taking away the only person Jake loved. His chest felt as if he’d been kicked by a horse, not from his bruised ribs, but from his shattered heart. He threw himself face down on the bed. The sting from the pillow meeting his left eye reminded him of the things Bruce was capable of. With the pillow silencing his cries, he let go. All the years of pent up anger, frustration, torment, and heartache at the abusive hands of Bruce King came pouring out in deep wails of agony. But all of that hurt put together didn’t compare to the loss he was about to endure.
Jake waited until almost midnight before he left his room. He needed to make sure his old man was out cold, and the empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the nightstand ensured he wouldn’t be getting up any time soon. He opened the front door and breathed in the crisp Chicago air. The urge to run and never come back took over and almost made him bolt, but it only lasted a few brief moments before his thoughts went to Ben. He’d never leave that kid, who was more like a son to him than a brother.
He pulled a cigarette out of the pack with his lips and thought about the dozens of text messages he received from Mac. Guilt gnawed at him for the few short replies he’d sent, but what he needed to say necessitated a face-to-face conversation. Bringing a flame to the tip of his cigarette, he inhaled deeply, allowing the smoke to fill his lungs. He exhaled with a long sigh, hoping to wash away the pain and anger, but it remained. Stalling, he took a few more drags off his cigarette before he jumped into his truck and drove to the park.
The swelling around his left eye had receded a bit, just enough to allow a slice of vision to return, but driving at night still proved to be difficult. He drove slowly. Cautiously. Constantly checking to make sure no one had followed him. He parked two blocks away from the park and walked with the hood of his sweatshirt over his head, purposely leaving his signature leather jacket at home.
Jake arrived first, just in case someone tailed him, and sat quietly as he scanned the path for movement. It was freezing, and the hoodie provided little warmth from the biting cold. After about 15 minutes, a figure approached, and then started running toward him. He held his breath and reached for his gun, but relaxed when he saw the long burgundy locks blowing in the wind.
A small smile spread across Jake’s lips. As Mac neared, Jake couldn’t decide if he was relieved or wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. He was so fucking embarrassed because he couldn’t stand up to his old man. And that he didn’t have the courage to pull the trigger. If he had, everything would be over. He wouldn’t need to sneak around in the middle of the night to meet Mac and rip both their hearts out.
Jake stood. He wanted to run to Mac, but his legs were paralyzed with apprehension. Fear that someone was lurking in the bushes made him rethink meeting Mac at all, until he found himself wrapped in a hug. Jake allowed himself to relish in the embrace and clung to Mac’s jacket. Emotion tore through his chest and made his eyes water. He began to worry about the physical contact in public and tried to pull back, but Mac wouldn’t let him go and held him tighter. For a moment longer, Jake stayed in the comfort of Mac’s arms, memorializing this moment in his memory. Again, he tried to break their embrace, and again, Mac wouldn’t let go. With his face contorted with regret and his heart pulverized with sadness, he was forced to push Mac away.
“What’s wrong?” Mac looked totally bewildered. “Why are you pushing me away?”
“Because. I have to.” Tears filled Jake’s eyes, but somehow didn’t fall.
Mac ignored the statement. “I went to your house last night. I spied on you. To make sure you were OK.”
Jake’s heartrate sped up so fast and hard he thought it would punch through his ribcage. If Bruce had seen Mac, he would be dead. “Don’t ever do that again. You have no idea how deadly Bruce is.”
“I’m not afraid of him. I should have gone to the police. I can’t believe I went along with that ridiculous story about getting jumped. I’m such a fucking idiot. I should have pressed charges. He’d be in jail right now.”
“Maybe. But he’d get out, and then he’d be looking for revenge.” Jake was fucked no matter which way it played out. Even if he had the balls to shoot and kill Bruce, there was no guaranty that the state would grant Mac’s parents temporary custody of Ben. His sweet, innocent little brother could have ended up in the system. This was a no-win situation. Fuck! He swung around and paced back and forth. The sudden and quick movements tugged at his fractured ribs and felt as if one punctured his lung, but he didn’t care, because it was nothing compared to the icepick in his heart right now.
Mac stopped Jake from pacing by stepping in front of him and putting his hands on Jake’s shoulders. “Calm down. Everything is going to be OK.”
“No. It’s not. It’s a fucking mess. Don’t ever come to my house again. Promise me.”
“I’m not promising anything.”
Ignoring the pain that raising his arms caused, Jake grabbed Mac’s face between his hands so Mac could see the intensity in his eyes and understand the seriousness of the situation. “You have to fucking listen to me. Please. Stay away from my house.”
“I just wanted to make sure you were all right. I kept texting you, and you only gave me one-word answers. I was scared out of my mind.”
“It was too dangerous. Do you have any idea of the risk I took by calling you? I can’t take any more chances.” The real truth was that every time he had seen Mac’s name on the screen, it felt as if someone sliced him from his neck to his navel and his insides were spilling out. Eventually, he turned his phone off, took a handful of pain pills, and passed out.
He needed to tell Mac it was over, but the words wouldn’t come out. A softball was lodged in his throat. His world was crumbling, and he couldn’t do anything about it except deliver the final blow. He dropped his arms to his sides, and his shoulders fell with despair. Tears pooled in his eyes again, so he turned away so Mac couldn’t see his weakness.
“Jake. What is it? Look at me.” When Jake didn’t turn, Mac stepped in front of him. “Tell me what’s going on? What happened?”
The tears fell in heavy streaks down Jake’s cheeks and his voice cracked. “Don’t fucking hate me. This isn’t what I want. It’s the way it has to be.”
Mac’s mouth gaped open as it started to sink in. His eyes grew wide and turned from emerald to dark jade. “What are you saying?”
“We can’t see each other anymore, Mac. It’s not safe. I’m sorry.”
Mac went limp, then grew angry. “Because of your father? You’re gonna let him ruin what we have?”
