Page 27 of Street of Dreams
“Take it easy,” Mac tried to sound reassuring. “No one saw us.”
“You don’t know that.” Jake began to pace and tug at his hair. Then he abruptly stopped and spun around to face Mac. “This is really fucking bad. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring this shit down on you.”
“What shit?”
“If word gets back to my old man—”
“Calm down. It’s not that bad, Jake.”
“Of course it is. You know Bruce.”
“I know it’ll be bad for a while. But he’ll have to deal with it. Aren’t you tired of hiding and sneaking around? I know he’ll overreact at first, but eventually he’ll get over it. Why don’t you just tell him?”
A wild and crazed look transformed Jake’s expression. His eyes widened and his face noticeably paled, even in the dim light. “Tell him what? About us? About me liking boys? Are you fucking crazy? He’d fucking kill me. And you. I’m not being dramatic. He’d put a bullet between my eyes and one in your balls.”
“You’re exaggerating.”
“No. I’m not. At all. He’s the biggest homophobe on the planet. I once heard him say that he’d rather have a dead son than a gay son.” A sarcastic laugh fell from Jake’s mouth. “I guess I’m payback.”
Mac couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He suddenly felt queasy, and a soft pain radiated in his sternum. “What the fuck kind of thing is that for a father to say?”
“It’s what I grew up with,” Jake said, matter of factly. “There’s no telling him any differently. So, if you ever have any idea about telling anyone about us, let me make it really clear right now. It will never fucking happen. Not as long as my piece of shit old man is alive.”
Mac fell silent. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to step back into the closet, but he didn’t want to break it off either.
“Look, Mac. I like you. A lot. I always have. Now that we’re . . .” Jake moved his hands back and forth between them, trying to figure out what they were to each other. “Doing this. For the first time in my life, I feel . . . relieved. I feel . . . happy. You’re the only one I can be myself around. I never told anyone half the shit I tell you. I don’t know what it is about you that makes me feel like I can tell you this stuff. But I can. And that’s more than anyone has ever done for me.” Jake’s face started to twitch. He sat back down on the bench, leaned forward with his head in his hands, and let out a few deep breaths. Mac joined him and watched him intently. When Jake finally spoke, his voice cracked. “It’s like the weight of the world is on my fucking shoulders all the time. You have no idea how fucking hard it is living in that house. With him.” He looked up to the sky and blinked a few times. “Watching my brothers go through the same shit I put up with when I was growing up. That I’m still going through. Listening to the shit he tells them. It fucking kills me. I’m trying my best.” His shoulders fell inward with exasperation. “They’re so out of control sometimes. I know everyone thinks they’re delinquents, but they got good hearts.”
“Why don’t you fucking leave?” Anger festered in Mac’s belly at the treatment Jake and his brothers received, and he found his fists clenched. Now he knew exactly why the three King brothers always acted out and had bad attitudes. Who wouldn’t, under their circumstances? “Why don’t you move out?”
“You think it’s that easy? You think I can just get up and go?”
“Why not?”
A watery sheen covered Jake’s eyes, amplified by the glow of the moon. After a long pause, he said, “I gotta look out for my brothers. I’m trying to counteract the hate and bullshit he fills their heads with. I can’t go anywhere without them. I’m trapped.” He guzzled the rest of his beer, crushed the can, and threw it as hard as he could. He stood up and walked a few feet away, so he wasn’t facing Mac.
Mac followed and stood next to Jake, who stared up at the sky, his face sagging.
“You know what my old man did when I turned 13?” Jake asked, after a long pause.
Mac shook his head, unsure if he wanted to hear it or not.
“He got me a hooker. He said it was my right of passage. I lost my virginity to a scanky whore that was probably 20 years older than me.”
Nausea churned in Mac’s gut. Pictures flashed in his head and made him want to vomit. “I can’t imagine what that was like for you. I’m so sorry. Did you know back then that—”
“I always knew I liked boys. But I knew I could never say anything. That whore was the last thing I wanted, but I had no choice. It was the first time I’d ever been touched, so my body reacted. My hormones were raging. But I still kept thinking that I didn’t want to do it with her. I just sat there in a daze. I didn’t know what else to do, so I just closed my eyes and pretended it was a boy. Now, looking back, I don’t know how I got off. I’d never be able to do that now.” Jake put a cigarette between his lips and brought a flame to the end. He inhaled deeply, blew the smoke up to the sky, and quietly stared up at the stars. “His friends were there to cheer me on.”
Mac’s head snapped toward Jake. “What? They watched you?”
“Cheered me on like they were watching a horse race.”
The heartache that projected from Jake’s expression and in the tone of his voice crushed Mac’s chest like a vice. He took a few steps closer, but respected Jake’s personal space and didn’t touch him. There was still a foot between them, but Jake backed up anyway.
“Don’t,” he said, holding up a hand. “We can’t do this. It’s too dangerous.”
Mac slowly shook his head, not willing to accept that their time together was over before it ever really blossomed into something. “Are you willing to end things so easily? You can just walk away like it’s nothing?” The only response Mac received were those pleading brown eyes that bore pain and anguish. “Come back to my place,” Mac offered. “We’ll have privacy.”
“I can’t do that.” Panic made Jake’s voice raise an octave. “What if someone sees us?”
