Page 37 of Mason Wilder
Another factoid that had escaped her which could have easily been clarified with a simple phone call. Or if she just picked up an entertainment magazine. Or searched for his name online. “Why didn’t you tell my father you were here? Were you at the funeral?”
She exhaled and her chest deflated. “I know I’m not welcome. These people don’t want me here, so I just stayed in the background at the cemetery so no one would see me. I followed you home. That’s how I knew where you lived. It’s an impressive building. I’m glad you’re well off, but then again, with Jimmy and Immortal Angel, there was never any doubt about that.”
Mason had thought about this day hundreds of times. He always thought that if he ever saw her again he’d blurt out the question he’d been waiting a lifetime to ask, but he was too stunned. He wanted to hear what she had to say, which, so far, wasn’t much. “Why did you leave?” The heavy accusation in his voice delivered its intended blow, and she winced.
She looked as if she tried to wrinkle her brow, but it remained perfectly smooth, obviously cemented in place by an injectable cosmetic procedure. “I had no future here. I wanted to make something of myself. Your father and . . .” she paused, a hostile grimace making its presence known for a brief few seconds before she righted her mouth. “The others,” she continued, “didn’t like me much. I can only imagine the poisonous things those unkind people told you about me.”
Mason’s defenses rose. How dare this woman pass judgement on people who loved and supported him? “If you’re referring to the members of Immortal Angel and their wives, they’re my family.”
She raised her head. “Those people that you call your family basically blacklisted me in the music industry. They—” She abruptly stopped talking and let go of the hostility that was brimming on her words. “It’s not important anymore. It was a long time ago, and I’ve moved on.”
She was trying to put blame on other people and that was bullshit. He was her son and she left him and never came back. He wasn’t going to let her evade the question. “I deserve an answer. Why did you leave?” She reached across the table and covered his hand with hers, a sentimental gesture meant to comfort him, the first he could remember. He dropped his eyes to her hand and noted her perfectly polished fingernails. A French manicure, he thought it was called. He abruptly pulled his hand away, not wanting any physical contact with this woman.
“I couldn’t take care of you. I didn’t have a job.All I knew how to do was sing, and that dream was taken away from me. I didn’t plan on leaving. Once I confirmed Jimmy was your father, I thought he’d help me financially and help raise you.” She took a sip of her tea, pausing to stare into the cup as she cradled it in her hands. “I know he would have. He loved you from the moment he met you. To be honest, I didn’t give him a chance. I met someone. A producer who promised to make me a star. It was my one chance to become something.”
Pleading blue eyes sought his. He knew that look. It was filled with dreams not yet realized, so close you could practically reach out and touch them, but never close enough to fully grab hold of. He’d seen the look in Tessa’s eyes when she was a teenager and rushing through college so she could finally embark on a full-time music career.
“I couldn’t pass it up. I had to reach for the stars. I didn’t want to leave you, Mason. But I had to. I knew your father would give you everything. He loved you, and he was well off financially. Aunt Mary was still here for you. And, although I never really liked her, I could tell Audra cared about you.” She let out a sarcastic laugh under her breath. “I never expected that relationship to last, but I guess I was wrong.”
The remark infuriated Mason. His parents loved each other and had a wonderful marriage. And why the hell would Kendall not like his mom? “What’s not to like? She’s wonderful. Were you jealous of her because of my father?”
“Of course not. It was never serious between Jimmy and I. It was just a fling. I have no idea why those girls didn’t like me. Audra. Kira. Alyssa. Tommy’s wife. They hated me. I always felt bullied by them. It was one of me and four of them.” She looked off to the side and shook her head, clearly reliving hurtful memories. “I never did anything to them. I barely talked to them. I guess they were just cliquey, and they decided I didn’t belong. Honestly, they were so mean to me.” She took a deep breath and shook it off. “But that’s all in the past. I haven’t thought about those people in a very, very long time. Tell me about you. What’s going on in your life?”
He started to soften as he listened to her story about how she was the outcast, but, again, her last sentence tainted his sympathy. He had been in the public eye since he was a boy. Fans knew everything about him. Why didn’t she? And why did she refer to Jessi as Tommy’s wife instead of using her name? “You could have followed my life by doing a simple Google search. Why didn’t you ever look me up? Or ask my dad about me? Or call me? Or send me a card on my birthday?” He realized his voice grew louder with each question, causing people to stare, so he made it a point to relax his rigid back.
“I’m sorry. I think it just hurt too much to see you and know I wasn’t part of your life.”
“Why couldn’t you be part of my life? Why did you leave?”
“I told you why I left. I think you want to know why I stayed away. The answer to that is simple. No one wanted me here. Right before I left, Jimmy and I had a big fight and he criticized me for being an irresponsible mother and not giving you enough attention. I couldn’t be in your life full time because I lived so far away. I stayed away because I didn’t want to hurt you by popping in every few months or every few years and then leaving. I know how selfish it sounds, and I admit it. I was selfish and self-absorbed back then. I was young. I never expected to become a mother. I didn’t know how to be a mother.” She fidgeted with her cup and stared into it. “I have no excuse. I apologize for making bad decisions.”
Was that it? Her excuse was that she wasn’t a good mother, so she decided not to be a mother at all? It was clear that chasing fame was more important to her than her own child. “Did it work out for you?” He leaned forward with his elbows on the table. “Did you become a big star in the U.K.?” He couldn’t help the sarcasm.
She lowered her eyes for a moment, and the apples of her cheeks turned pink. “No. I didn’t. I tried, though. Very hard and for a very long time. First in L.A. and then in Europe.” She let out a long breath. “Eventually, I realized that everyone was right. I just wasn’t good enough, and I stopped chasing my dreams.”
A bout of empathy suddenly overtook Mason. He’d be crushed if the world didn’t recognize his passion for music. Sometimes, all it came down to was timing. Talented artist often fell by the wayside simply because their big break never came. But her explanation only created more confusion. “Then why didn’t you come back?”
Her eyes bore into him, begging him to understand. “Because too much time had gone by. I missed my window of opportunity. I had become a stranger to my own son. I didn’t know how you’d react to seeing me again. I had no idea what people told you about me. Whatever you’ve heard, I’ve changed. I’m not the same person I was when they knew me. I went back and forth a million times on whether to come to the States or not. And then when I saw you – just a glimpse – I had to speak to you.” She reached across the table and grabbed both of his hands in a desperate gesture. “I had to, Mason. I had to try, before it was too late. Losing Aunt Mary made me realize how much of your life I’ve missed. I can’t make up for the past, but I’m here now. Please, Mason. I just want to get to know my son.”
The genuine remorse in her voice and in her eyes tugged at his heart, and he caved.
