Page 84 of Bulletproof
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Since he abruptly left the restaurant almost three weeks ago, Derek decided to give up on Travis. The waiting game had run its course, and his bruised heart couldn’t take any more. If he could follow his own advice and stick to his decision to leave Travis in the past,maybe he’d be able to move on. It took a concerted effort, concise and specific conditioning, in order to fight the daily battle tonotthink about Travis – a fight his mind and his heart lost every single day. The worry about how Travis was holding up never diminished. The weight on his heart only grew heavier. It didn’t hurt less as the time passed. It was a slow torture, breaking him a littlemore each day. Sitting on his overstuffed couch, he turned up the volume of Papa Roach’sHELP, willing the sentiment of the song to reach Travis, and listened to it while he scrolled through his phone and re-read Travis’ old messages, an unhealthy habit he couldn’t break.
He decided he needed to clear his head and pulled his bike from the garage. A 50-mile sprint was exactly whathe needed. The open road offered him freedom, and all thoughts flew from his mind like the wind. When he returned a few hours later, he felt more like himself.
As he roared up the driveway, he noticed an unfamiliar car parked in front of his garage. He pulled up to the bright red Mustang and dismounted his bike, wondering if the vehicle was another one of Brandon’s collections. Hetook off his helmet, shook out his hair, and rested the helmet on his hip as he circled the car. It was a beauty. Instead of entering the house through the garage, he walked around to the front door, looking for signs of the car’s owner. Just as he passed a row of palm trees, he spotted a familiar figure lying in the grass and staring up at the sky.
Derek stopped, mid-stride. Hisimmediate reaction was to run toward Travis and embrace him, but fear of rejection made him reconsider. Then, anger slowly slithered up his spine, making him clench his jaw. The memory of spotting Travis with Ashley and the lack of communication made Derek narrow his eyes. Over a month had gone by since they’d been apart, without a phone call. The short and scarce text messages had stopped. And nowTravis was here, as if nothing had happened.
As he watched Travis peacefully gazing at the sky, his ill feelings dissipated. Despite everything, he was happy to see Travis. He noted that Travis looked different. At first, he couldn’t pinpoint exactly what wasn’t the same, and then he realized that Travis looked tranquil. At ease. Untroubled. Content. The dark circles under his eyeswere no longer there. The heaviness in his gaze was gone as well.
Sensing Derek’s presence, Travis twisted into a sitting position. Elbows on his knees, a bright red petunia twisting between his fingers, a carefree smile spread across his face. His eyes glowed at Derek and he stood up. “Hey.”
That one little word made Derek’s pulse skyrocket, and he ran to Travis. Withoutforethought, he grabbed hold of Travis’ face and kissed him. Travis kissed him back with welcoming pressure and passion. Their lips, reacquainted as if never apart, their tongues lashing round and round, and their bodies pressed together sent a shiver through Derek.
“What are you doing here?” Derek asked when they parted. “I missed you so fucking much.” Derek’s shoulders fell withdespair as the emotion crashed down on him. “I gave up on you.”
The smile fell from Travis’ face. “Don’t say that, Derek. I wanted to call you so badly. I missed you like hell. I started to call you a million times, but always stopped myself. I had so much to say, but I wasn’t ready to spill it all because I was still a work in progress.” Travis swallowed and looked off to the sidefor a moment, a light sheen covering his eyes. “I didn’t know if you’d be waiting for me. I don’t know if you’re waiting for me now. I don’t know what your situation is. I just knew that I couldn’t come here while I was still broken. I needed to wait until I was fixed before I could give myself to you.”
Questions ping-ponged around Derek’s head, making him dizzy. “What the fuck happenedto you? I was so worried. You left the band. You never explained. I heard Reckless got a replacement singer, and I didn’t know how you took it. I didn’t know if you were freaking out or not. I didn’t know if you needed someone to talk to.” The image of Travis with Ashley at the restaurant flashed inside Derek’s head, again, and the thought flooded him with jealousy. “I saw you.”
“When?”
“At my restaurant.” Derek gulped, trying to rid the acrid taste in his mouth, causing his mouth to grimace. “Withher.”
“Oh. I honestly didn’t know you were going to be there that night. She was in town. We were at Venice Beach and then we drove around looking for a place to eat. I looked up and there it was, right in front of us. I always wanted to go to yourrestaurant, so we went inside. The place was jumping, and then I realized it was because you and the guys were at a table in the back of the place. Ashley tried to get me to talk to you. I almost did, but before I knew it, you were gone. And I figured that it was a sign. I wasn’t ready to see you yet. I still had to get my shit together.”
“What shit? You and Ashley?”
Travis paused, and then let out a short laugh. “Let it go already.”
Derek didn’t crack a smile.
“In case you didn’t notice, Eric, Reckless’ sound guy, was there too. He’s her boyfriend. We’re just friends. Haven’t you ever remained friends with someone you had a casual sexual relationship with?”
“No.” In the past, Derek had friends, and people he fucked. Buthe never mixed the two. They never crossed the line.
Travis let out a booming laugh. “You fucking rock stars are all the same.”
“Maybe. But everything changed when I met you. You, Travis, were a man who changed me in many ways. I never knew what it was like to be with someone who I considered one of my best friends. We were as close as can be, yet there was so much Ididn’t know about you. I wanted to ask you so many questions, but I was afraid to pry or push you.”
“I’m sorry. I opened up to you more than anyone.” He blew the air out of his lungs. “Except my therapist.”
Derek blinked slowly, processing the statement. “You’ve been in therapy?”
“Three times a fucking week. Sometimes four. Sometimes every God damn day. Itook Felix’s advice and called his shrink.”
“So . . . how did therapy go?” Derek asked hesitantly, unsure if he should inquire.
“According to my therapist, I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder with bouts of mild depression. That means I freak out at the slightest little thing, and I need to learn how to handle bumps in the road. And I got shit from my past thatweighs me down.” He tapped on the side of his head. “And probably a screw loose somewhere in there.” He paused. “I’ve started on daily medication. I know, I fought taking medication for so long, but those other doctors just wanted to pump me up with pills and turn my mind into jelly. It made my depression worse. The right medication at the right dose, in conjunction with therapy – group therapy, individualtherapy, upside down therapy, every kind of therapy you can fucking think of – is exactly what I needed. I needed to talk to people who felt the same way I did.” Travis put his hands on Derek’s shoulders, his face lighting up with animation as he spoke. “It wasn’t just me overthinking and overreacting, Derek. I wasn’t just feeling sorry for myself. It was a real medical condition that otherpeople suffer from too. And it’s treatable! I found self-worth. I have something to offer. Me.” He slapped his chest with the palm of his hand. “I’m worth loving. And I can offer my love in return. I can give you that. I don’t have much. I don’t have a lot of money. I don’t have a lot of possessions. I got a new car.” He extended his arm in the direction of the driveway. “It isn’t much. But she’smine.”
Derek smiled, overwhelmed with pleasure at the new, healthy, positive outlook that Travis displayed. “Where’d you get the car? According to Felix, you’re getting your ass sued off. Did you make a deal with the label?”
Travis nodded. “Sorta. Reckless is continuing with a new singer and the music I wrote. I sold them my rights to the songs, and – you know my journalthat I write in all the time?”
“You mean your poetry and stuff? The one you never let me read?”
“Yeah. Well, my therapist convinced me to do something with it. It’s full of pages and pages of bad luck, heartbreak, and disappointment. I read through it one day and realized it sounded like a country music song.” He laughed at the absurdity. “Can you believe it?”
