Page 38 of Bulletproof
The floor opened up underneath Derek and his heart sank into it. “You have a chick?”
“Oh. I didn’t mean . . . it’s . . . um . . .” Now Travis was the one who stammered. “I just meant . . . she’s an old friend.”
The girl smiled brightly, filled with bubbly excitement, until she noticed the tension between Derek andTravis. Her eyes bounced between them, and she took a step backward to distance herself from the conversation.
“It’s no big deal.” Travis’ voice held a reassuring tone, but it was too cool and casual. “She knows we’re together. It’s cool.”
“Cool?” Derek’s voice raised an octave. His heart beat faster, and he felt his blood pressure rising like mercury in a thermometer.“Cool?” This was far from cool. But Travis was right. They didn’t have any commitment to one another. They had an open relationship. They had clarified it from the start. When did Derek’s feelings on that change? He knew he had no right to stake a possessive claim over Travis, but he couldn’t tell that to the sledgehammer in his chest. He shook his head to clear it. “Sorry. I just . . . sorry.”
Travis eyed Derek with a confused squint. “You OK?”
“Yeah. Um. Yeah.” He turned to the girl, aware that he rudely ignored her during the introduction. “I’m Derek MacAlister. Hi. Help yourself to drinks. Food. Whatever you want.”Except my man, you bitch. “I, um, gotta take care of something.” The air turned thick and stifling, and Derek needed to get the fuck out of there.He didn’t make it more than three feet before Travis caught his arm.
“Why are you mad? I thought we had agreed that we didn’t want a commitment. Did something change?”
Everything changed, but the universe forgot to tell Derek. “No. I’m sorry. It just caught me by surprise.”
“I honestly forgot she was coming, Derek. I would have warned you ahead of time. Idon’t play games. I’m honest.”
“I know.” Derek felt gutted, as if his insides were spilling out onto the carpet and pooling around his feet. He couldn’t breathe without a sharp pain in the center of his chest. His hair felt as heavy as a horse blanket, sealing the heat into his body. Did someone turn the thermostat up a thousand degrees? “I just forgot to take care of something. Ineed to run to my suite.” He tried to flee again, but Travis grabbed hold of his wrist.
“Don’t run away from me. If you want to talk about it, let’s talk.”
Derek had no idea what the hell he was supposed to say. Feelings of jealousy and possession were new and he hadn’t known he harbored them. Exasperated, he let out a deep breath. “It’s OK, Travis. I just need to takecare of something. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Travis stared at him – through him – for a long moment before slowly nodding. “Alright. If you say so.”
The moment Travis let go of Derek’s wrist, he bolted through the crowd, pushing people out of his way, and didn’t stop until he reached his suite on the opposite end of the hall. He went directly onto the balcony andleaned over the railing to breathe fresh air into his lungs. The blood rushed to his head, making him dizzy. His wobbly legs seemed incapable of holding him up, and for a second he thought he might fall face first into the courtyard below.
The sliding glass doors slid open and Brandon stepped outside. “I saw you run out of the party. What’s wrong? You look like you’re ready to hurl.”
Derek stood tall and faced his friend, shock settling the nausea in his stomach. “Travis has a fucking girlfriend.”
Brandon rubbed his jaw. “That’s a problem.”
“Yeah, that’s a fucking problem!”
“A problem because he’s got someone else, or because it’s a chick?”
Derek stopped to think about it. “Both.”
Brandon smiled,quiet for a second. “I don’t believe it. You’re serious about Travis.”
The realization hit Derek so hard that he took a step backward and his arm dropped to the edge of the balcony. When did he fall for Travis? When did his heart decide that he wanted more than a casual relationship? The clarity of it shocked him. He had teased his friends about selling out to a one-on-one relationship,but he realized that’s exactly what he wanted. He wanted Travis all to himself. He wanted them to be a couple. He wanted a commitment from the man. He wanted it to be just the two of them. No outsiders. And he wanted Travis to feel the same way.
“Say something.” Brandon stared into Derek’s face. “You’re scaring me. You look like your eyes are about to pop out of your head.”
“I . . . I don’t know what to say, Bran. When did this happen? How did this happen?”
“When did you fall in love?”
“Inwhat?” Derek took another step back, and this time he thought he might really fall over the railing. “Slow down. I never said I was in love. I just . . .” In love? Is this what love is? Having your heart ripped out at seeing your lover with someone else? Doeslove make your stomach queasy and your chest feel like it’s stuck in a vice? He didn’t even fucking know what love was supposed to feel like. “I don’t know.” He tugged at the roots of his hair and blew out a breath. “This is fucked up.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s got a chick.” Actually, that was only a small part of the problem. Deeper, more challenging issues presented a muchbigger obstacle. “He’s got a lot of issues.”
“We all got issues, Derek. You work around them. Relationships aren’t easy.”
