Page 94 of Puck You Very Much
Real mature, huh?
“What are you doing?’ Jakob tried to pose the question as serious, but I knew better. An atomic bomb could hit the city of Buffalo, and he would still make dumbass jokes.
“Posing, what does it look like?”
“For who?”
“For anyone who wants to admire this amazing fucking body.”
I splayed my hands in front of my body because I figured I deserved some dramatic flare.
He half-smiled but said nothing, which just about drove me up a tree.
“Dude, if you’re going to pose, you should try something like this.”
He flitted his fingers as if to shoo me away. Stupid me, I actually shuffled aside! God, I can’t tell you how maddening he could be at times. But it gets worse. Oh, so much worse.
When he stood in the mirror, he looked like he belonged in front of it. By that, I mean hethoughthe belonged in front of it. You know, because he was so totally full of himself?
He struck a pose, but not like the innocent, subtle one I made. No, he thought he was Lou Ferrigno, for crying out loud. Or Schwarzenegger in his heyday. I tried with all my might not to roll my eyes. Shit, I tried not to puke coat hangers. Jakob was obviously trying to upstage me just like he’d done in Delaware Park.
“Give me a break,” I said. “You want to get out of the way so we can get down to business?”
But he wouldn’t listen to me. For all I knew, he couldn’t even hear me. Honest to God, he was completely wrapped up in himself.
“Jakob!” I clapped my hands at him. “We’ve got a workout to finish. Let’s get going, huh?”
And Jakob kept posing like my words had passed through one ear and out the other.
“Hey, how’s it going?” Corbin, the gym ray I most wanted to look like stopped by, looking buff as hell. I felt sort of glad I wasn’t posing now. Topping his herculean physique would’ve been damn near impossible.
Problem was, when he said hello, he wasn’t speaking to me. Fuck no. He was addressing Jakob, for Christ’s sake.
“You’ve really gotten into shape, bro,” he said. “You look like you could bench press a Buick.”
“Thanks, man.” Jakob said. “That means a lot coming from you.”
“Would you look at that pump? Let’s see it!”
Jakob smiled hugely and accepted the invitation to flex again. Of course he did. He was full of himself, remember? He flexed and Corbin regarded my boyfriend like he reallywasSchwarzenegger.
“I was right,” Corbin said. “You really do look a lot better than the last time I saw you. What did you use for motivation?”
“Hockey, of course.”
“Right!” He pointed his index finger straight at my boyfriend. “You guys are in the championship game coming up, are you not?”
“Right, and we’re gonna fucking win, too.”
Okay, I swore that he’d totally forgotten that I was even there. Even still, it took a boatload of nerve for him to just assume that they were going to win.
“Hope it all works out for you,” Corbin told him, still treating me like the invisible man. “And I know you’ll be great. Those Remington Riptides are shit.”
“Don’t I know it.”
And they both laughed like that last comment was the funniest thing on earth.
The gloves were definitely off.
