Page 109 of Puck You Very Much
“I don’t know, Zane. You played hard and you played tough. You took the ice and played hockey the way it was meant to be played, you know?”
I couldn’t even look at Jax. Shit, I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. After what’d happened, I couldn’t eat or sleep. Seriously, I was sure I’d lost at least five pounds and felt irritable nonstop. The last thing I needed was for Jax or anyone else to tell me how incredible I was.
“Let’s just forget about it, okay?”
Jax’s eyebrows furrowed, bunching the skin between his eyes. Yes, he’d heard me right, even if he wanted to pretend otherwise. I didn’t feel good or proud of what I’d done. I didn’t give a shit that we’d won. All the other guys had whooped it up for days like another player hadn’t been seriously injured. I justlooked at people funny when they congratulated me, and I’d yet to respond to a single congratulatory text.
In truth, I didn’t know exactly what’d happened to Jakob. I’d heard something about a concussion and broken neck and that he’d spent several days in the hospital before finally being discharged. All of that had come secondhand, so I didn’t know the whole truth, which in itself didn’t help.
“There’s going to be a big bash on campus for us,” Jax said. “It’s going to be fucking epic.”
“I’m not going.”
His brow didn’t furrow this time. He didn’t wrinkle his nose or show any other indication of alarm. Still, it must’ve come as a shock to him.
“You’re serious.”
Jax didn’t say it as a question. I wouldn’t have answered anyway. Instead, I took a sharp turn, and my teammate followed.
“I don’t get you,” he said. “I know you were acting weird during the season, but I honestly thought you had all that sorted out. Now you’ve gone back to being totally crazy again.”
I’d never been in the business of caring about what people say or think, so I kept on walking.
“Wait, where do you think you’re going?” he asked.
“To class.”
“Not until we’ve finished talking.”
I arched my eyebrows. He didn’t use a forceful tone but his comment still stunned me. Yeah, I knew he was the team captain, but we were only on campus, not the ice. We didn’t belong to a fraternity in which you obeyed the leader without question. We were hockey players, champions even, and were free to think for ourselves.
But my teammate wouldn’t be deterred. He clung to me like an amoeba.
“Okay, Jax, what is it you really want to know?”
“I want to know why you’ve gone all weird on me again.”
“I’m not being weird.”
“Not being weird? Jesus, man, we’ve won the championship, and you’ve gotten everything you ever could’ve wanted. Everyone’s paying attention to you and acting like your shit doesn’t stink, and you’re still not happy. Can you really tell me that’s normal?”
It seemed perfectly normal in my world. I was the one that injured Jakob, and the world went on for the Remington Riptides. It reminded me again of how callous my teammates could really be.
And of how I wanted nothing to do with that.
I couldn’t be happy, not just because I’d injured Jakob, but because I loved him. I guess I’d never really fallen out of love with him, no matter what I’d tried to tell myself. If I’d been smarter, none of this would’ve happened. Maybe we would’ve won and maybe we wouldn’t have, but at least I wouldn’t have my conscience to contend with. And if I’d followed my heart instead of my ego, I would have Jakob in my arms right now instead of dealing with a lunkhead like Jax.
Given all that’d happened, I might as well have told him what I thought and not hold back.
“I’m quitting hockey,” I said.
We both froze. Jax honestly looked like he might fall over backwards. Or shit a brick. Whatever.
At first, Jax’s lips moved, but no words sprang forth, like he was searching for the right thing to say.
“Quit hockey?” he said. “Oh, come on!”
“You heard me.”
