Page 59 of Better Love Next Time
This was his father’s doing. Kitty wanted to race into his room, grab the earl’s letter, and tear it to pieces in front of him. And stomp on it. And shake Julian until his father’s hate fell out. And then she would overfill him with her love. But it came out all wrong.
“Hang your pride,” she said.
“Pride is about all I have left, love.” He considered his drink as he turned it in his grasp. “Do you know why we have no men?”
“Labor is scarce. Most men?—”
“Because they do not trust me,” he said quietly.
“You are well-liked?—”
“But no longer respected. And for those who trust me, their wives do not. No woman wants to see her children go hungry because their husband loses his job on a toff’s whim. I left them, Kitty. I left them because I could. Because I had money, an inheritance from an aunt. And instead of investing it in the families of Southampton, I threw it away on gaming and fucking. I was as worthless as my father proclaims me to be.”
“Julian, stop! It is not true.”
“It is true. And their memory is long. I have ventured to the western side of the Solent, to Buckler's Hard, south to Portsmouth, and north to the New Forest.Everyoneremembers what I did.”
Julian must have known this would happen when he had agreed to help her. He had pursued the path anyway. He had faced this truth for two months and shielded her from it for fear of disappointing her.
Rising from the sofa, she went to him, sliding her arms about his waist and resting her head at his chest. “Oh, Julian.”I love you. I love you.
He stiffened. “Donotpity me.”
“I do not pity but thank you,” she said, pressing her palm between the round musculature framing his heart. “You are not worthless. You are a good man. I can feel your heart. And it is a good one.”
He chuckled. “Lower, pet. Where it actually resides.”
“That is not so.”
“So. An unfortunate incident with a fairy put it there.”
She had broken his heart long ago. And broken hearts often mended with scars formed of anger. “I am so sorry I made you feel small. I have nothing but respect and admiration for you.”
He jerked back. “Now I am small? How many insults can you cloak in apologies?”
“Shh. You know my meaning.”
He lifted his bristly chin. “Did you just shush me?”
“Mm-hmm. And regardless of where you believe your heart resides, I know it to be good and true. And strong. We will weather this together. You will be respected again.”
“Ah,” he said, sighing. “Making me feel better than I ought.”
“’Tis what you deserve.” She rose on her toes and kissed the cut on his lip and then, his cheek. She brushed the hair from his face. “We will never be lovers again, will we? But I shall always be your friend. That I promise you.”
He searched her face, opened his mouth to speak, and shut it.
She didn’t want to let go of him, but she didn’t want to make a fool of herself more. So she drew away. He pulled her back into his arms, fitting her to his body, his hand splayed at the small of her back and holding her close.
“Kitty…” His lips pressed to her brow, sending a frisson of yearning down her spine. Drawing back, their eyes met and there was honesty and understanding between them. “I will always be your friend too.”
Her heart squeezed, taking her breath.
Julian couldn’t tear his eyes from Kitty’s soft mouth. He knew in her kiss, in her body, lay the solution to his present woes. Sweet, hot oblivion. His own body surged and heated, pressing him on. But tomorrow where would he be after slaking his lust and worries inside her?
He set her off and forced a grin, which hurt like the devil. “Now get on with your mothering before the sawbones comes and tries to cut off my arm for a scratch.”
“It’s not a scratch,” she countered.
