Page 59 of Santa Baby Maybe
Memories of the previous night flashed behind my eyes and I was reminded that W.B. was definitely a breast man. It was like he’d made it a personal mission to show me how much I should not be self-conscious about them. He’d kissed them, palmed them, nibbled on them. Tugged my nipples, sucked my nipples, and at one point he’d smacked his hard dick against my nipples.
I squirmed a bit, remembering how freaking hot that had been. But the second I moved I was made aware of my very full bladder. I seriously had to pee.
Shit. Pee.
The rest of last night came back to me. The crazy realization that my period was late. The pregnancy tests that were waiting for me in the bathroom. I should have been coming out of my skin knowing how my life could change in as little as a few minutes.
Because I couldn’t wait anymore. I really did have to pee. Pulling away from W.B., I made my way to the bathroom. I heard him making sleeping sounds and moving around on the bed, but I didn’t look back at him.
Maybe I was afraid that, if I did, I would see him awake and concerned about what I was going to do. Because while he’d said all the right things last night, and he’d certainly done all the right things last night, sometimes morning brought with it a little clarity.
Did he really want to be with me? Did he really want to be a father? With everything that entailed?
I closed the door of the bathroom and opened the two kits, following the instructions for both even though it meant stopping mid-pee to move from one stick to the other. When it was done I set both on the sink counter and washed up.
Then I heard a gentle knock on the door.
“Joy? You need me?”
So he hadn’t forgotten. He did know what this morning was all about and he wasn’t running out the front door. He was sticking with me.
I opened the bathroom door a sliver. Not sure if I was ready to let him all the way inside.
“I took them,” I whispered. “We just need to wait a few minutes.”
“I’ll wait with you.”
Right, I thought. Because we were in this together. I opened the door all the way and then went to sit on the bathmat with my back against the tub, which also served as my shower. W.B., as naked as I was, sat next to me and took my hand. We were joined by Jake, who I guess thought he had some stake in this game, as well, and took up his perch on the closed toilet lid.
I hadn’t thought to set a timer. The box said three minutes. I just figured I would know internally when that time was up. Only what was minutes suddenly felt like hours and I knew I couldn’t be trusted anymore to sense time.
“Do you think it’s been three minutes?”
“Let’s give it some more time to be sure.”
I nodded. W.B. would know when it was officially three minutes. I’d done the peeing and he would do the counting because we were in this together. Finally, he stood up and retrieved the two tests. He handed me one and kept the other for himself.
“We look on three. One. Two. Three.”
I looked at my test. It was blank. No pink lines. Nothing. I glanced up at him and he shook his head.
“Negative.”
“Mine too.”
He plunked down next to me, his side pressed against mine.
“We’re not pregnant,” I said. And the heartbreak must have been there in my voice, because he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close. “I mean, I should be relieved. Of course I’m relieved. This is good news. The best news. We weren’t ready. How could we be?”
And through all of that he just held me tighter. Until finally I had to ask the question.
“Are you sad?”
“Are you?” he asked me instead of answering.
“A little bit,” I admitted. Which was crazy and foolish, but it was there.
He pressed my cheek against his shoulder and kissed the top of my head. “Me too. A little bit.”
