Page 33 of Don't Leave Me
9
Monday morning
Marc
I pulledup to the bungalow situated in the middle of the street surrounded by a bunch of other similarly styled homes. Green lawns, wide sidewalks, modest-size houses with empty driveways.
Perfect for a mother and a new baby. There was a park at the end of the block. There was a cluster of stores and shops beyond, within walking distance. It felt safe. Like folks around here would watch out for one another.
I got out of my truck and stood, looking at her house. White picket fence, pretty yellow house. Clusters of flowers planted around a bay window. It was more like the carriage house than what she’d grown up in.
Small. Simple. Hers. Theirs.
My nerves kicked in again, and, not for the first time that morning, I was running my sweaty palms up and down my jean-clad thighs. I walked up a paved walkway to the front door and rang the bell.
A moment later, Sandra, the woman from the park, answered the door. I had this sense of crushing disappointment. That Ash would choose not to be here when I interacted with my son for the first time, and instead would leave me to swim through these treacherous waters with a stranger.
Then I glanced over the woman’s shoulder and could see Ash behind her, rushing around, picking up scattered toys.
“Hi, I’m a friend of Ash…ah, Marie’s,” I announced. “She’s expecting me.”
Sandra opened the door wider, looking at me the whole time like she was trying to assess me, and I had no idea how I measured up.
“I think you might be more than her friend,” she said, mostly under her breath, but I still heard it.
I stepped inside as Ash was tossing a bunch of trains into a bin in the corner of the room. It was a fairly big living room, off to the right. A small dining room to the left with, I assumed, the kitchen behind it. A hallway led to what I guessed were bed and bathrooms.
The furniture looked sturdy and comfortable. Not too well used. Like the house, it was plain and simple. Daniel was standing, his hands on a chair, while his knees bounced up and down in what looked like little baby squats. Or maybe like he was trying to show off how much strength he had in those chubby thighs, which were prominently showcased, as he was dressed in only a blue onesie.
“The morning got a little out of hand, so I didn’t get to dress him,” Ash said, moving to pick him up. “I had to call in Sandra for some help.”
“I live just down the block,” Sandra explained to me. “No problem for me to watch Danny. Marie needed time to fix her hair and make up too. I think she wanted to look nice for you. Are you single?”
“Sandra,” Ash growled. “Stop with that. You do this all the time.”
“Try to throw you at handsome, young men who I think might be strong enough to catch you? Yes, I do. But I can see you’re in good hands with yourfriend,so I’ll be going.”
With that, she left, the door swinging shut behind her.
“That’s convenient,” I said. “To have the nanny so close.”
Ash plopped Daniel on his butt in front of the toy bin. All the work she’d done putting the toys away was undone in a few seconds, as Daniel started reaching in for trains, which he proceeded to throw over his shoulder.
“Yes, it’s convenient, especially given how early she has to be here.”
Ash sat in a chair across from me, and I took the time to notice what she was wearing. Cotton crop pants. A white top with a floral design. Nothing fancy. No Jimmy Choo flats and designer labels. Simple, elegant. Her.
She looked the same to me as she always had, just with shorter hair. The style suited her better, with her delicate face. Like I could see more of her face now, it made her eyes appear to be even bigger.
Although I used to like to grip her hair in my fist while I—
Immediately, I shut off those thoughts. That’s not what today was about.Small steps,I told myself. Baby steps. It was the only way down this road. Those steps started with my kid first.
“So,” she said, clapping her hands. “That’s Daniel.”
The kid tossed another train over his shoulder, then he maneuvered to his feet again, using the toy bin as leverage.
“He hasn’t taken his first step yet, has he? I haven’t missed that?”
