Page 81 of Totally Shipped
I look into his eyes, they are full of worry. Slowly, I nod.
Getting down the slope and through the jungle to the beach seems like one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I don’t let on how much I’m struggling, but the struggle is very, very real. Gray is carrying Thea, and Killian has his arm around me, encouraging me on.
My weakness is making me scared. If I can’t handle a simple walk to the beach, how can I raise my baby? Have her survive and thrive? It’s all too much. I’m too tired. I can’t give up, though. Without me, Thea would die.
We stop at the pool, and Killian convinces me to get into the water with him. It actually does feel pretty good. I float on my back with my eyes closed, listening to the little cooing noises Thea is making.
“Thanks for making me do this; it’s helping.”
“We’re all worried about you, Macushla. How can we help?”
I float some more until I start to shiver. I don’t know how they can help. All I want is to go to sleep and wake up in a soft bed, inside a house.
After some food, we move slowly on to the beach. Rex, Key, and Leander all cheer when we get there. They are playing frisbee, and have a fire going with fish roasting.
“You made it,” grins Leander, bouncing over.
Killian lowers me down to the sand. “Lean on me,” he says, as I put my arms out for Thea. She’s routing around looking for a nipple.
“I made it.”
I’m pretty shocked at how the beach has changed; not just our shelters being gone, but the storm has toppled dozens of trees. The shoreline has changed, too. Tons of sand have shifted to the far end of the beach against the rocks, making this strip narrower.
We sit on the ground where our shelter once stood. It’s like we’d never been here at all. Our presence was wiped away so easily by nature. I think about the pilot of the plane. We never found any signs of human remains, only the metal hull and interior survived the years. Maybe someone will land on this island and find the plane, but they won’t find any trace of me, or Thea. The guys, Keyara—we’ll all be dust.
The fire puff’s smoke in my direction and I cover Thea’s face as she wrinkles her nose. “Smoke follow’s beauty,” I whisper to her. When Rex hands me a coconut shell containing fish and fruit, I smile and take it, eating one-handedly and trying not to drop any food on Thea’s head.
“I can take her,” he says.
“It’s no problem.”
The more tired I get, the more I just want her with me, attached to me.
For the next couple of hours, the guys play with Key, or catch more fish, or come sit with me by the fire. Normally, I would be delighted by all this, but now I just feel…nothing much at all.
I wonder if I have postpartum, or if I’m sick.
Or maybe I’m just sick of being on this island.
“Time to head back,” Killian says after a while.
The journey back seems daunting. “Can’t we just stay here for the night? Why do we need to go back?”
He hesitates. “Let me talk to the others.”
Really, though, why do we need to go back? We’ve lost virtually everything we had and are back to square one. Just us, on the sand, with nothing.
REX
The beach starts to darken, and I realize we are definitely staying here the night. Daisy looks absolutely exhausted.
“Come on. Let’s find a place to get comfy,” I tell her. I put my arms out to take Thea.
“It’s OK, I’ve got her,” she tells me, as she struggles to her feet. I put my arm around mom and daughter and Daisy lets me lead them to a sheltered spot by a couple of fallen trees. Leander and Key beg to take Thea down to the water's edge. Daisy and I watch them carry the baby off, singing silly songs all the way.
Gray and Killian are off for some alone time, so now it’s just the two of us.
Daisy hasn’t been herself for a while. She’s disengaged, like she’s just going through the motions. Maybe this change of scene, sleeping at the beach, will give her a boost.
