Page 108 of Totally Wrecked
“Swear,” he laughs.
LEANDER
It’s time for a fucking party on this island.
We’ve been working our dicks off. The shelter is done, and now we need to celebrate. I’ve got two ideas to make this awesome; the first is umu, and the second is booze.
“ATTENTION SHIPWRECK-MATES.”
“Yes, Leander,” says Rex, an eyebrow raised. Everyone else just turns their heads to stare at me.
“Friends, we have been on this island for more than a month. In that time we have made a fine, fine shelter”—I pause, and happily Daisy and Keyara give some cheers—“got our food game on point, and managed to keep everyone alive. So, to celebrate that, we are going to have a party.”
I’m good at throwing parties. Or actually, I’m good at going to parties. I don’t know if I’ve actually thrown a party myself, but this is why it takes a village.
“Also, you motherfuckers…”
“Swear!”
“Fair enough, put another pebble in my jar.”
Keyara has bottles where she collects cuss-pebbles. If we ever get off this island, she’s going to be rolling in it.
“Anyway, as I was saying, you mother-duckies” (I got that one from Daisy) “missed my birthday—it was last week. But I will forgive you all if we have a blow out party.”
“Well, feck, I’m in,” Killian says. He’s lucky that Keyara doesn’t charge him for “feck”. I should try and pick that up as a habit myself.
“Excellent! I thought we could do umu. Killian and Gray, you guys are pit-bosses.”
“Pit boss umu?” asks Killian
“What’s umu?” asks Harvey.
“It’s a traditional way Samoans cook food for celebrations. We have everything we need to do it.”
Harvey nods. “I’ll catch the fish, maybe try for some crab too.”
“And we also need booze, which is a little trickier, but I think I’ve nailed it via monkey wine?”
“Monkey wine?” Daisy laughs.
“Yep, I’m making monkey wine. I once watched a David Attenborough doc about monkeys making their own alcohol, fermenting sap or fruit or something like that, so I’m working on my own version. I’ve mashed some super ripe lychee and wild ginger in the Tushie Tickle container for several days. Hopefully, the fruit will ferment. You can come check it with me!”
“Sure!”
“Can we have another jackstraws competition?” asks Keyara.
“Yes! In fact, Key, you are in charge of entertainment. You can ask all us adults to do games, stories, dances, whatever you want.”
Hee hee, good luck trying to say no to Keyara, guys.
“We need this, guys, it’ll be fun,” I tell them.
I don’t really care if they all think this is stupid, I know they’ll like it in the end.
Rex is looking broody and unconvinced.
“Key, can you think of something for Uncle Rex to do? He looks like he needs a job.”
