Page 28 of Surprise Baby for Mr. Fischer
CHAPTER NINE
Lincoln
All the blood rushedout of my head. I forced myself to stay upright as Harper helped me stagger to the couch. I landed with a heavy thud on the worn cushions.
Shit, I was so messed up I’d just let a pregnant woman help me stay on my feet? I should be the one helping her, especially since the baby was ...
Was it really mine?
“How are you pregnant? We used a condom each time.” My stomach pitched, and I swallowed what was threatening to come up.
“We did. But they’re not one hundred percent.”
I thought back to our weekend. Without a doubt, we used a condom every time. She’d offered one from her purse, and I’d refused. Even though Harper didn’t know who I was, my uncle ingrained in me that I was the one who should provide the protection—for my own peace of mind.
During the brief time we were together, I hadn’t been so guarded with her. Our connection was instantaneous and I’d immediately felt like I could trust her. But the real question was whether I could I trust myself and my own judgement when I had such shitty role models.
“This is—wow. I mean, I never planned to have kids.”
Oh shit.Did I really just say that?
It was the truth, but I hated the way she flinched. I wanted to wrap my arms around Harper and hold her close while another part of me wanted to run.
“I don’t need anything from you.” Ice coated her words.
She marched out of the room, returning a few seconds later with her purse. Digging around inside, she pulled out an envelope and handed it to me. “Just in case you wondered otherwise. Here’s your proof. Note the date of conception. I was with you the whole weekend.”
Slowly, I lifted the back flap and pulled out the black and white photo. The wordbabytyped across the top caught my eye before seeing the gestational age, twenty-one weeks. The time frame fit.
We created a life together. Before the end of our weekend, I’d pictured a future with Harper. When she pushed me away and decided not to keep in touch, I didn’t push her for more. Her walking away had hurt.
I was terrified of how much I already wanted to protect Harper and our child, and equally worried that I would prove I couldn’t be the man she needed.
My breathing quickened, turning into pants as I struggled to pull air into my lungs.Shit. What am I supposed to do with this?The talons of panic tried to claw its way out of me, leaving my insides scratched and bleeding.
The photo dropped to my side. I scrubbed at my face and worked to calm myself. I immediately felt a connection to this baby and I’d only looked at a picture, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d screw the kid up like my parents had done to me.
I’d decided early on never to have children. The fear that I'd be an awful parent was always there. That somehow, without wanting to, I'd follow in my parents’ steps of neglect.
When I was finally able to control myself, I looked up. Harper’s arms were wrapped around her waist, and a pained expression crossed her face. Her gaze turned inward. A wall had gone up. Maybe she had finally realized I might not be the best person to raise a child with. The pain of that caught me unexpectedly in my heart. The thought that I ... might want to be.
“I’m sorry. I need a minute.”
“It’s okay.” She sniffed. “You weren’t expecting this, and we barely know each other.”
“What do you want to do?” Regardless of my feelings, she was the one who had been dealing with an unexpected pregnancy by herself.
