Page 35 of See, Hear, Speak No Evil, Mr. Darcy
“My dear,” said her husband, “you may not believe me, but Lord Matlock has said he intends to write the archbishop to address Lady Catherine’s unchristian-like behaviors expounded upon by Mr. Collins.”
“The archbishop, on my wife’s side of our Fitzwilliam family, will, no doubt, make this investigation himself. If Mr. Collins has discussed even one parishioner’s confession with my sister, when it was made in good faith to a man of the cloth, he will be defrocked,” the earl said, staring at Mr. Collins, who stood quivering at the pronouncement.
“Miss de Bourgh informed her uncle that my cousin speaks of confessions made to him every Sunday at dinner. I must think my cousin will lose his right to attend any flock on English shores. Mr. Collins says he shall have nowhere to go and has refused to become our new stable hand,” Mr. Bennet said.
“Lawd. The horses have made a fortunate escape,” Lydia said under her breath.
At that, the earl tried to hide his chuckle in a low cough, giving Mrs. Bennet great delight.
Just then, the clock chimed, and Mr. Bingley was seen coming down the drive on his horse. When he was announced, the younger man seemed surprised to discover the earl still at Longbourn.
“Ah, Mr. Bennet, I almost forgot. This young man does need a moment of your time. When you are done, we will depart.” Lord Matlock indicated he had no issue with waiting. “There is often a codicil about incompetents in line to inherit.”
The earl stared at Mr. Collins, who flushed a purplish sort of red.
It was only a short time later that her husband reappeared with a beaming Mr. Bingley. Mrs. Bennet thought it unlikely they had made it all the way to the bookroom before Mr. Bennet granted his blessing on the union between their eldest daughter and the young man seeking her hand.
Afterwards, when she congratulated Mr. Bingley and her dearest Jane, and they all proceeded to talk of weddings and celebrations, Mrs. Bennet’s joy was slightly marred when Mr. Bingley disclosed his particular sensitivity to lace. Still, she was happy for her eldest daughter. So much so that she quite overlooked the earl and Mr. Bennet’s hasty retreat when talk of the wedding began.
Mr. Collins is Seriously Displeased
Mr. Collins sat in a corner, scowling at all in the drawing room. He could not fathom how Lady Catherine, who recognized his worthiness of her condescension, was so undervalued. By his uncouth relations, yes, but also by her very own brother.
His mood darkened the longer he was ignored, but the earl had been very overt in his warning. Mr. Collins feared being thrown in Bedlam for delusions of grandeur above even Lady Catherine’s wrath. Should he attempt to usurp his cousin’s authority, the earl vowed to see him there personally.
His cousin had been no help at all. In Bennet’s reciting his own words, he was certain would induce his cousins toward understanding that his intent to marry one of them would be to their great benefit. Mr. Collins was angered by his cousin’s misinterpreting his good fortune as a boast of his importance. To say Lady Catherine had no significance in society was the greatest of disillusions, one that his cousin and the earl alike suffered under. His humiliation was complete when Mr. Bennet declared him an unwelcome guest before the earl.
While waiting for the return of his cousin and fearing that the earl could deny his inheriting Longbourn, Mr. Collins considered the earl’s suggestion that he travel. Before the archbishop could make his inquest, he would apply to Lady Catherine. If she should fund his passage to the Americas or the Indies, he could extoll her beneficence to a new flock.
Decided on this new course, Mr. Collins was easier in his mind. He had read of many men of the cloth who had started with less yet had done great good. He would do the same in Lady Catherine’s name so she, too, would be lauded near and far.
Dear reader, it must be noted that the earl and Mr. Bennet found no codicil against those of mean understanding being excluded from the line of succession for Longbourn. I am duty-bound to disclose that, in due time, word reached Longbourn that Mr. Collins did not make it to the Americas. It would be too much to suggest a tear was shed when the Bennets learnt he had been frightened by a whale and fell over the otherside of the boat in his panic. For this tale, let us say Lydia’s declaration of “That is, indeed, sad news” was wholly facetious.
Chapter 14
Elizabeth Meets Mr. Darcy on Oakham Mount, Again
Elizabeth found Mr. Darcy awaiting her on the stump they often shared. When she took Mr. Darcy’s hand, he held hers firm whilst she took the seat next to him. Neither spoke for a time in favor of watching the sun brighten the horizon. The comfort found in just being together was a gift they had come to expect. After a few minutes, Elizabeth felt compelled to tell him what she had discussed with her mother and sisters.
“I told Mother the truth of our friendship. And your uncle disabused her of the notion that you were beholden to your cousin, sir. She professed to be happy that we are friends. You are quite safe from her machinations.”
“Last night, Ana asked me why I was oblivious to my being in love with you.”
Oh. Might he care for me, too?“I would request you not let anyone talk you into affections you do not feel.”
“I entered the assembly certain I would be hounded by matchmaking matrons, given the number of ladies—” He then began to stutter. “I did not mean, I mean, I was, I…”
“You were right to be concerned.” Elizabeth leaned, pressing her shoulder against his in a gentle nudge. “You looked quite serious when I joined you today, sir.”
“I have two pressing issues on my mind.”
By unspoken rule, when they were this close, they did not look directly into each other’s eyes. The proximity created too much intimacy…and always to a disconcerting effect. They had, however, allowed their hands to touch.
Elizabeth had, therefore, not expected him to turn his face to hers. When he again took her hand, she required some moments to recover her senses. Much of her tension eased when she read hope in his expression.
“You said two issues are pressing on your mind today? A man with your responsibilities would consider but two pressing issues a morning of leisure.”
“Under normal circumstances, I would agree. Of these issues, however, one is not of my singular province, and the other I cannot myself answer.”
