Page 80 of Dating After the End of the World
But that’s not the case anymore. He’s lodged in my brain—the same way food and sleep and oxygen are, wired into it as a need, not a want. I don’t know how that happened in such a short time. I didn’t think it was possible. Somehow, the hours I spent loving Blake are just as significant as the years I spent loving Nate. Then again, maybe that’s all this is supposed to be, powerful and fleeting, a reminder that love doesn’t have to be forever to be real.
My eyes spring open at the sound of my bedroom door creaking. I whip around to find Blake closing it behind him. Neither of us says a word. I mean, what really is there to say. I can’t tell him what he wants to hear, and there’s nothing he can say that would change my mind. My heart ... he doesn’t have to change that, because he has it—at least for right now. But I learned to love him, and I’ll learn to unlove him too.
Without warning, Blake crosses the room, and his hands cup the sides of my face as he pulls me in for a kiss. Not just any kiss. It’s the kind you get lost in even though you know your way. It’s the kind thatawakens every part of you, even though you feel like you’re in a dream. And it’s the kind you thank God for, even if you don’t believe he exists.
As much as I want this, I know I shouldn’t.
“I can’t,” I say, withdrawing from him.
Blake’s mouth barely parts, his lips still swollen from our kiss. A look of betrayal washes over him like I’ve stabbed him in the back or, better yet, the heart.
“What do you mean, you can’t?” His eyes frantically search mine.
“Nate’s here.”
That should be the end of it, but I know it won’t be because it doesn’t feel like a good enough reason—not with how fast my heart is beating or the way it’s pumping blood to every part of me he’s touched.
His brows shove together, and he recoils his head. “So, that means we’re done?”
“Did we really ever start, Blake?”
He looks away, unable to answer the question that pained me to even ask in the first place. Two years versus a few hours ... that’s what I keep reminding myself. Time. Because that’s what matters. It’s all we have until we don’t have it anymore. Blake had all the time in the world to be with me. He just waited until the world ended, and even then, it was only because he had no other choice. Nate chose me, whereas Blake chose me after every other choice was made for him.
“Tell me you don’t love me.”
It’s not a demand. It’s a challenge, one I’m not up for.
“No,” I say, blinking away the brewing tears.
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t wanna lie to you.”
In an instant, his lips are on mine again, begging and pleading for me to tell him the truth.
“I want you so bad, Casey. And not right now—forever,” he says in between breaths.
“Blake, stop.” I pull away again, even though not a single part of me wants to.
“Stop what?” he says breathless.
“Stop making this so hard.”
“If it’s hard for you to tell me this is over, then you know it’s not the right decision.”
“I don’t know that, and neither do you.”
He takes a step toward me, grazing a finger across my cheek. “Without you, my world ends.”
“The world already ended, Blake.”
“Only for a little bit, until you came back into it.”
Without warning, tears fall. They’re too fast and too sudden for me to stop them. Before I can speak, the bedroom door is opening. Blake and I separate from one another. He walks to his dresser, pretending to rummage through it, while I wipe away the tears.
“Training starts in twenty minutes,” Blake says.
I turn to find Nate standing in the center of the room with a towel wrapped around his waist, his eyes darting between the two of us.
