Page 58 of Love By the Book
I grab a biscotto and pick at it. I know exactly what she means. Eli made me feel that way too—like I could be unapologetically myself, quirks and all. Like my dreams weren’t silly fantasies, but genuine possibilities.
Iris tangles more hair around her finger. Her gaze has gone distant, and it’s like she’s not talking to me anymore. Which is great news because I’m doing a terrible job of listening.
“He’s so good at what he does, too, you know? The way his eyes light up when he’s talking about his latest project or helping with the baseball team… It's magnetic. And even though we’re really different people, somehow it just… fits. Like two puzzle pieces slotting together.”
My brain—the whiny, moaning thing it is—wants to wallow more in my misery over Eli but her words make me realize I probably do know who she is talking about. Tom runs his family’s bait and tackle shop and volunteers with the baseball team.
Tom is one of the sweetest guys I know. Vibrant. Funny. Always has your back.
But when it comes to romantic commitment? His interest level is somewhere between absolute zero and the temperature of a penguin’s feet. He’s made it clear he’s married to his work,taking care of his grandmother, and coaching baseball. Love? Romance? That’s strictly the stuff of the stories we discuss at book club.
My heart aches for Iris. I know what it’s like to want something that was never meant to last. And sure, Tom is upfront about it, but that doesn’t mean feelings listen to logic.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the what-ifs, to let yourself roll right down the hill into a bramble bush before you even realize you’ve fallen.
And once you’re in, it doesn’t matter that you knew better. The thorns still hurt all the same.
“And you know what’s really special?” Iris continues, her voice soft and dreamy. “The way he gets excited about little things. Like when he found a signed baseball card of one of the kids’ favorite players, or the time he helped me rescue an injured seagull. His whole face lights up, and it’s like… like the sun coming out after a storm.”
The tears I’ve been fighting prick my eyes until they burn. That’s exactly how Eli looked when I’d given him the Cyrus Whitlock book on Welsh mythology. How his eyes sparkled when he sang that Fleetwood Mac song to me. The expression he had on the beach when he’d almost said?—
And just like that, my carefully constructedI’m totally finefacade crumbles faster than Alex’s famous coffee cake. A sob burst out of me then never stops. It’s the kind of ugly crying that makes your nose run and your mascara turn traitor, the kind you usually save for your pillow at 2AM while googling “how to get over someone you never should have fallen for in the first place.” Except I’m doing it right here in Alex’s cafe, in front of a client, like a complete jerk.
Iris reaches out like she might help. “Oh! Oh no, are you okay, Rhianna?” Her hands move around frantically for a moment before she settles on patting my arm awkwardly.
I try to speak, but all that comes out is a sort of hiccupingsob. Alex appears like she’s summoned by the sound of my emotional distress, her hair catching the light like a halo of hope through my tears. She swoops in with the efficiency of someone who has been through an emotional hurricane and knows how to steady the sails.
“Iris.” Alex’s tone is gentle but brooks no argument. “Rhianna will have to reschedule with you. If you speak with Kasey at the cash register, she’ll provide you with a gift card for a complimentary future drink.”
She guides the confused florist away from the table with the same graceful authority she probably once used to manage the most challenging editors. A minute later she’s back, sliding a steaming mug in front of me that smells like chamomile and something distinctly… magical. It’s Ethan’s special “Fix Your Blues” tea, enhanced with just a touch of his magic—basically a hug in a cup.
“Want to tell me what that was about?” She settles into the chair across from me, her expression somewhere between concern and that furrowed brow and fixed stare that says she’s already figuring everything out and has opinions.
I wrap my hands around the warm mug, letting the heat seep into my trembling fingers. For a long moment, I just stare into the swirling amber liquid, trying to find the right words. Any words, really. Alex waits with the patience of someone who spends their free time mastering tricky recipes, testing each one over and over until it’s just right.
“I’m sorry,” I finally manage. “I just… I shouldn’t be crying in front of Iris. That’s like, Matchmaking 101. Right up there with ‘don’t fall for your own client’ which—” I let out a watery laugh. “Well, I failed that one spectacularly too. Maybe your skepticism on this project was deserved.”
“Rhianna.” Alex’s voice is gentle. “What happened with Eli?”
And there it is. The question I’ve been avoiding since hestopped coming to the library, since our last conversation ended with that horrible silence that felt like the ending of a book you weren’t ready to finish. When I ended things dressed in a kitschy Mary Poppins costume all while he looked too handsome to be real in his coat and shadows.
“I ended things—before I could get hurt even more.” I stare into my tea like it might hold answers. Then my voice drops to a whisper. “Because somewhere along the way, I realized I’d already fallen for him. And that scared me more than anything. I just… I couldn’t bear the thought of letting him see all of me—and deciding to leave.”
Alex’s expression softens. “So you jumped first.”
“More like I deployed my emotional parachute.” I attempt a smile that probably looks more like a grimace. “Which is ironic considering he’s the one who convinced me to actually go skydiving. And with one of those sketchy human-run attractions too. No magic at all! Just trust falling! God, Alex, how did I let myself get so tangled up in someone who was always meant to be temporary?”
Steam rises from my tea like it means to brush my tears away. “You know, the worst part is how he’s everywhere. I can’t do my job without thinking of him. Half the books in the library have his fingerprints on them. The folklore section? Might as well rename it the ‘Subjects Eli Lancaster Waxed Poetic On’ collection. And don’t even get me started on music.”
I sniffle and trace the rim of my mug with a finger. “He’s ruined Fleetwood Mac for me, Alex. Fleetwood Mac! Do you know how often ‘Go Your Own Way’ comes on my playlist? Every. Single. Day. And instead of jamming out like a normal person, I just sit there remembering how his voice powered through the lyrics, how his eyes found mind during the chorus, and—” I swallow hard.
The tea in my hands has cooled just enough to drink, and Itake a sip, letting the warmth spread through my chest. It doesn’t fill the Eli-shaped hole there, but it helps. At least I’ll leave soon. Leaving this island and the memories and the way they hurt like they’re carving me from the inside out.
Alex leans forward slightly. “You know, I almost lost Ethan because I was too afraid of looking for different options for my future. I was terrified of the truth and scared of what staying in Magnolia Cove would do to my career, my life plans.” She gives a soft laugh. “Then this bear shifter who bakes magical cinnamon rolls came into my life and scattered all my careful planning and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
My eyes are doing the leaking thing again, and I dab at them with my sleeve. “But this is different. You and Ethan… you’re different.” Alex raises an eyebrow, but I barrel on before she can say anything. “I mean, look at you, Alex. You’reactuallypractically perfect in every way. And me?” I gesture at myself with a watery laugh. “I’m the one who dressed up as Mary Poppins to distract people from the fact that I’m always falling apart.”
“You think Ethan and I are perfect? Rhianna, I’m an anxious overthinker and Ethan didn’t reveal to me that he could change into a bear until he just showed up at my apartment and shifted right there in my living room…afterwe’d already broken up.” She shakes her head, smiling fondly. “He was so afraid of showing me his true self, we almost missed out on each other entirely.” She pauses, then adds, “Unless I’ve missed something major here, you don’t have quite that big of a secret. You’re not falling apart, Rhianna. You’re just scared.”
