Page 55 of Bear In A Bookstore
Sheneededtobealone.
Desi left her house at the same time she headed to the bookstore. Workers were coming this morning to begin placing the bookshelves and do odds and ends. She was glad someone else would be in the store today because as much as she wanted to be alone, she didn’t want to be vulnerable. What had happened at Desi’s last night shook her to the core, but as wound up as they both were about it, they had work to do. Life didn’t stop because some asshole was out there stealing books, but it had taken all her willpower to drag herself to the store today and not lock herself up at home.
It had to be a treasure hunter. Someone was hoping to capitalize on notes other seekers had written in or put inside their books. And that same person somehow knew that they’d found something inside the cave.
Her anxiety had been steadily increasing all morning no matter what she did to try and control it. Shallow tremors racked her body. She felt nauseous. Her temples throbbed. Even with the workers inside the store, she couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was going to barge in and threaten her in some way. Could it happen? Of course. But deep down, Kora knew her fear stemmed from her past. Her mind replayed her front door flying open, a gun waved in her face, being forced to the ground while her wrists and ankles were bound.
Someone was going to take her power away again.
Tears pricked her eyes. She’d felt so good the other day, like her old self. She felt the possibilities before her. She could immerse herself here, really become part of the community. She could explore and have adventures and smile again. She could have love. Real, true love. Yet, as quickly as those feelings bloomed, they were taken away by a shadowy figure on Desi’s security camera.
It was a reminder that she wasn’t safe anywhere. Bad things happened everywhere, even Estes Park. She could move again, and again, and never outrun it. Her hopes for normalcy were just an illusion.
Throat tight, she made a fresh pot of coffee even though the other one sat heated to the point of burning, untouched. A stack of mail demanded her attention, but she couldn’t focus on it. She couldn’t sit, but pacing made her feel worse. Her stomach churned but she couldn’t eat. Her mind kept straying to Desi in her bed and how connected she’d felt to him. The more she was with him, the less she could deny that they were fated to be together. As crazy as it was, as impossible as it sounded, her heart knew the truth.
A tear rolled down her cheek. She couldn’t let it happen. Desi deserved someone better, someone without the overstuffed baggage she dragged behind her. Everyone kept telling her to take control, to be strong, but they didn’t understand. They didn’t understand how that one night changed her. She couldn’t change it or take it back or return to the person she once was— a strong woman who wasn’t afraid tolive.
What a joke. What did she have to offer Desi? Nothing of substance. Only the shell.
She recalled the beautiful woman Desi had run into on the street. The one he hadn’t called back after their date. She’d been so perfect and put together, her smile confident and strong. He needed a partner like that. God, she should have pressed pause on his attraction to her from the beginning. She never should have let him get closer. Maybe then he’d have spent his time chasing after a woman who deserved him.
“All right, Ms. Meredith, that will do it for today. We’ll be back in the morning.”
She glanced up from staring at the mail to see the workers picking up their things.
“Oh, okay, thank you.”
The door chimed as they left. She walked after them to lock it, pausing to look at the perfectly arranged bookshelves. She’d been so excited for this moment, imagining how it would look and how she’d arrange the books. They’d even put in a small custom shelf in the display window, just like she’d wanted. Looking at it all now, she felt nothing.
There was a light knock on the door. Kora jumped, realizing she was holding the screen door shut with one hand. Desi smiled at her through the screen. The burn of tears returned, followed by a hint of disappointment that he’d showed up. It was easier to think about how much she didn’t deserve him when he wasn’t standing right next to her.
She let him in. He leaned to give her a kiss but she quickly diverted and turned away so she couldn’t see his reaction. This wasn’t fair. Her body still tingled from yesterday. He’d wrapped her up in his arms while they were sleeping, just like in her daydream. She should be reveling in the aftereffects of their intimacy, but she couldn’t. Stress and anxiety were taking over everything.
“It looks amazing in here. These shelves are beautiful.”
The shelves were made from hand-sanded walnut. Natural stain let the red and brown tones of the wood shine through. He made a slow walk around the room. She lost sight of him as he moved between them, running his hands over the wood.
“I can kind of see what it’s going to look like in here when you’re done. It’s going to be great, Kora.”
He was awfully cheerful for a man whose home was broken into last night. She crossed her arms, struggling to hold back her emotions.
“Yeah. I’ll get it looking so good in here that it’ll sell in a heartbeat. The new owners won’t have to do a thing but run the register.”
Desi worked his jaw to the side as he approached the desk where she was sitting. She didn’t miss the flicker of disappointment that flashed across his face.
“Is selling this place and going back to L.A. what you really want? Deep down, is that what your heart is telling you to do?”
There was no accusation in his voice. Just curiosity. And though sheknewhe was asking from a kind place; she heard him asking from a selfish one. He wanted her to answer one way.
“You want me to say no, that I plan to keep the store and stay here.”
He bristled. Her tone was sharp, but she couldn’t stop herself. The sooner she got him off her back, the better. They could go their separate ways and he could find a mate who wasn’t so damn messed up.
“What’s going on, Kora?”
“Nothing.” She shrugged and poured herself a cup of coffee she had no intention of drinking. “I just know what you want me to say, but I’m sorry. I can’t give you what you want.”
He regarded her for a moment. “I feel like there’s a lot packed into that sentence.”
