Page 73 of Ours
“Wanna talk about what’s going on?” Taking the lack of any banishment as a sign, Jackson took a seat against the wall next to Cory.
“There’s nothing to talk about anymore,” Cory stated flatly. “It’sdone.”
“Ah. I guess that’s why they left in a hurry,” Jackson reasoned. “Did they bring you here just to dump ya?”
“What makes you think they dumped me?” Cory crossed his arms and sat up, indignant. “I dropped them. Though I bet Nic would tell it differently.”
“Wow, look at you.” Jackson sounded impressed. “Standing up to your friends like that.”
“I don’t even know if wearefriends anymore. I don’t know how to talk to them. And I don’t think they know how to talk to me either. Not after…” Cory gestured vaguely into the air.
“Yeah, I guess that’s probably not something most friends have to deal with.”
“Another understatement.” Cory sighed and turned to look at Jackson. “I shouldn’t be talking to you about this. Nic would have an aneurysm.”
“Well, fuck Nic,” Jackson groused. “Whatever you say to me stays between us. He seems like kind of an asshole if you ask me.”
“Heisan asshole. Derek too.” Cory sighed again, feeling like his emotions had finally stabilized. “Fuck. The last couple of days have been so screwed up. There’s no way I’m going to class today.”
“Wanna get out of here?” Jackson offered. “I’ve got a car, and I’m not exactly wanting to go to class either. Wanna get some food or something?”
Cory contemplated the offer for a moment. He didn’t knowanythingabout him other than his name and the sport he played. And that he was into dudes, apparently. But he was still treating Cory like more of a friend than either Derek or Nic had been lately. “Actually, that sounds great. Thanks.”
“No problem.” Jackson smiled. He knew waiting around for this boy would pay off eventually. He just had to be patient.
Derek wandered aimlessly as he left the auditorium. He wasn’t sure how he was feeling about what had just happened. He wasn’t surprised or even angry. He was just … sad. Numb. He could feel the weight of Cory’s collar in his pocket as he walked toward his locker. After opening it, he just stood there, staring into nothing, lost in his thoughts. This was not how today was supposed to go. This was not how any of this was supposed to go. Maybe if he’d just—
“Hey, Der.” Derek’s head snapped up to his left to see Tricia standing next to him. “Everything okay?”
“Oh, hey, Tricia.” Derek tried to push down his thoughts. “Yeah, everything’s great.”
“Really?” Tricia questioned. “Because you look like someone just kicked a puppy.”
“Something … happened, between me, Cory, and Nic.” Derek sighed. He wasn’t great at hiding things from Tricia, not even when they were dating. “Something that is entirely my fault, and I’ve been trying to fix it. But I’m starting to think I just—”
“—micromanage every aspect of what you’re doing, right down to trying to control other people’s emotions and feelings because you assume you know them better than they do?”
“I deserve that,” Derek said sadly. Tricia’s scarily accurate read almost had him speechless. “I’m sorry, Trish. I know I was a shitty boyfriend. I wasn’t trying to be such a control freak. I thought I was helping.”
“Derek,” Tricia started with a sad smile, “you’re a smart guy, but you don’t know and can’t controleverything. We’re only eighteen. You’re already practically on your own, but that doesn’t mean you don’t still have a lot of shit to learn, just like the rest of us.”
“I… I just don’t know what to do, Trish.” She was right. Derek knew that. “I’m not sure I can fix this.”
“Maybe you can’t.” Tricia was honest. “I don’t know what happened, but whatever it was, it’s done. You can’t go back in time.”
“So what do I do?” Derek asked sadly.
“Learn.” Tricia gave Derek a small smile. “Learn from your fuckups so you can hopefully minimize them going forward. So that the next person you date, so yourfriends, won’t feel like they’re just some kind of pet project for you to work on.”
“Thanks, Tricia.” Derek took her words in. “Really. I’m sorry I was such a shitty boyfriend. I’m sure the next guy you date will blow me outta the water.”
“Hell, yeah, he will,” Tricia bragged about her future, currently non-existent boyfriend. “And you’ll be okay too. Even if youcan’tfix this.” She gave Derek a semi-awkward hug before leaving him at his locker to head to her next class.
Derek closed his locker, not exactly happy but feeling better about his current predicament. He needed to let Cory, and he guessed maybe Nic now too, have time to figure things out for themselves. And he needed to spend that same time working on himself. And he knew just the daddy to talk to for help.
“You sure your hand’s okay, dude?” The question came from Greg, one of Nic’s teammates, from the opposite end of the picnic table.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” Nic held up his bandaged hand somewhat sheepishly. “Just me being a fucking idiot like usual.”
