Page 75 of Steel & Thunder
“Poor choice of words,” he says it mostly to himself. “I just mean that for couples who have been together for a while, couples who like to do the sorts of things we do, it’s like a commitment ceremony.”
“How do you know I actually like any of this stuff?” He’s making some bold assumptions.
“Remember? I was there,” he mocks. “There’s plenty of people who like to ‘play’ at these sorts of relationships and keep things much more casual, but these days, the ritual of Steel and Thunder is only ever used by couples, not criminals.”
“Until me.” The more I learn, the less things make sense.
“Until you,” he agrees. “When word got out that the ritual was being invoked by an outsider, a human who had been arrested in the forest, news spread fast.”
That would also be why everyone has been talking about it. “Did he plan all this? Did he walk in there knowing what was going to happen?”
“I’m afraid I don’t know what was going through the man’s head when he accepted the challenge, David. You’ll have to talk to him about that.” He sighs and shrugs. “But—and I really hope I don’t get in trouble for telling you this—I think Khazak has always...admired the idea of one day having an avakesh of his own. He’s talked about it with Ragnar and me before. So if he did have any ‘plans,’ I think that’s all they were.”
“And I served myself to him on a silver platter,” I grumble and sip from the coffee cup I’ve been holding in my hands.
“Isn’t that Khazak’s mug?” He nods at my hands.
“Khazak can wait.” And maybe get his own damn coffee, too.
He laughs at that. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think that’s what’s going on.”
“What makes you say that?” I guess he has known the man longer than I have.
“Him showing up at our house two nights ago.” The night of our big fight. The night after the “incident.” That must have been where he went before he came back with dinner. “He was really upset. Didn’t give us all the details, but he told us that he’d learned that you weren’t told the truth about certain things surrounding the ritual. He said he’d made a lot of mistakes, that he was worried he’s already wrecked whatever was developing between the two of you. He was just so sad, David. Which was weird because I remembered him being so angry the day before. He said he had to let you go.”
“That was the gist of it, more or less,” Khazak’s voice cuts in and Nylan spins around, both of us staring as he stands in the doorway. He approaches holding a stack of papers in one hand that he hands to Nylan. “Would you please ask your kavan to stop slipping his paperwork in with mine?”
“Yes, sir! I will get right on that.” Nylan nods, eyes wide as he eagerly takes the papers and the opportunity to exit.
That just leaves me and Khazak. I sip from the mug again, like I’m making a point.
“I was wondering what happened to my coffee,” he jokes, trying to break through the tension.
I stare at him in silence for a moment. “Why didn’t you tell me about the truth about the ritual? Why didn’t anyone?”
There’s a look of regret on his face before he answers. “I did not mean to keep it from you. Not for this long, at least. There never seemed to be a good time to bring it up, and the longer it went on, the more difficult it became to say anything.”
“You specifically told me that it was something criminals did, that normally someone would only choose it for a crime more serious than mine.” He made it sound like a common occurrence around here.
“That was not a lie. For centuries that really is how the ritual worked,” he continues to explain, though he doesn’t sound very confident. “Even today people still issue challenges when arrested for actual crimes… They are just never accepted.”
“Why did you say yes?” I put the mug down on the counter. “You told me you were going to say no until Redwish talked to you. What made you change your mind?”
“At first? Anger. I had just come from checking on the injured and the attack was still fresh in my mind. When Redwish described the way you were behaving, the way you demanded the opportunity to do battle... All I could think about was how arrogant you were.” He scratches the back of his head. “I only planned on going in, defeating you, and sending you back to your cell. But when you were lying there, telling me you were trying to kill me, I saw red. That and well...”
“Well what?” What is he getting at here?
He stifles a laugh and looks away, suddenly bashful. “You are an attractive man, David.” My cheeks flush at the unexpected compliment. “That is not an excuse. If anything, it is worse. I allowed my desire to cloud my judgment. I ignored warning signs, ignored my own instincts that something was wrong. I convinced myself that even if you were telling the truth, you deserved what was coming to you.” His form curls in on itself as he continues. “Holding on to that resentment and not being honest with you... It completely drove us apart. I thought that would be the end of it, but then for some reason, despite everything, you still wanted...this. Wanted me. After that, I was worried that telling you might disrupt the small bit of peace we had managed to carve out and then... Here we are.” He struggles to meet my gaze. “I am sorry, David. Are you upset?”
“Yes. No. Maybe.” I cross my arms and lean back against the counter. “I wish you had told me.”
“Do you think knowing what you do now would have changed how you feel?” He asks like he’s afraid of what the answer will be.
“I don’t know.” Maybe not. Or maybe it would have freaked me out even more. “A lot of things make more sense now, I guess. Like why the women at the arena before our fight were so nice.” All the perfumes and oils seem less out of place too. “Or why your family acted like they were meeting your boyfriend the other night makes more sense now. Or how Brull’s shop exists at all.”
“I understand if this causes you to rethink things between us.” He says it so matter-of-factly I think that’s what he expects me to do. This probably contributed to his hesitation over the last few days.
I don’t know what to say. I’m not angry, but it would be really nice if the rug would stop getting pulled out from under me. It’s always right when I feel like I’m finally starting to understand what’s going on. “Is there anything else you haven’t told me?” I’m almost afraid to ask.
