Page 68 of Steel & Thunder
“What direction was that?” It sounds like he’s actually curious.
A very boring one. “Finish the academy, join the military, find some girl to settle down with, and have some kids.” I shrug. “Same as my grandfather did. Same as my father did. And same as my older brother is in the middle of doing.”
“What did you want to do?” Good question.
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I just knew I didn’t want that.”
“Forgive me for asking, but...your older brother.” Joseph. “Why is he not named after your father instead of you? Is that not more traditional?”
“Because he was named after my grandfather. You could say sons seeking their father’s approval is a running theme in our family.” Dad was always trying to get Granddad to respect him. I’m not sure he ever did. “You’d think that not being the first born I might get a break from all that pressure, but because he named me after himself, my dad expected even more. It wasn’t enough for me to be as good as my brother. I couldn’t just come close. I had to be better. Had to be stronger, win more games, date more girls.”
“I know what it is like to do things to earn your fathers’ admiration.” Three times over, in fact.
“Yeah, but I get the feeling your dads actually tell you they’re proud of you sometimes.” I swear that sounded a lot less sad in my head.
“I am sure your father is proud of you, David.” That sounded even sadder.
“That makes one of us.” Okay, let’s wrap this up. “It felt like I was turning into him, doing the same things he did with Granddad, fighting for every scrap of approval. And I didn’t want to be like him. I don’t want to be like him.”
“So you left.” He comes to the conclusion, and I’m happy to leave it at that.
“Like I said, in the end it was more about not staying than it was leaving.” I am eager to get out of this spotlight. “So, what about you and your sister? What’s going on there?”
“I am not sure what you mean.” He stands a little straighter as he walks.
“One of the first things you did after not seeing her for over a year was insult the clothes she was wearing,” I helpfully point out.
“I did not insult her clothing,” he huffs.
“And that wasn’t you getting jealous when I was talking to her about traveling either?” I don’t know if he can see my side-eye in the moonlight.
“Why would I get jealous of you talking to my sister?” His tone gives away his annoyance.
“Cool, so you won’t mind if I head back and ask her to take me to that place in the desert?” I ask, hooking my thumb behind me.
That gets him to turn and look at me, eyes narrow. “No. We are almost home.”
Sure, that’s why.
“Well maybe tomorrow I could go back and—”
“Okay, David.” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “I love my sister.” There’s definitely a “but” coming. “But it is difficult to feel like you still know a person when you almost never see them. The first time my sister left home was when we were your age. That was just for the summer. Then she was barely home two weeks before she was gone for three months. Every time she left, it would be even longer before she came home.”
“We got used to her missing birthdays and holidays,” he continues. “It was not a big deal. In the beginning she would write to us frequently. I got postcards from nearly every place she visited. But eventually that slowed down to every other place until one day it stopped entirely. We would go months without hearing anything. My fathers only got the letter announcing her return here yesterday.”
“Your dad made all that food in a day?” He managed to feed nine people like that on short notice?
“He is very good at what he does.” Khazak lifts the leftover food. “At some point, it started to feel like what she was doing was collecting stories to impress us with. None of us have had any idea where she has been this past year. That is why my fathers were asking her about it at dinner.”
“And why you were so eager to shut it down.” It came off as rude when he did it, but I sort of understand now.
“My sister has never been the most responsible.” It doesn’t sound like he means it as an insult. “That is okay. It is who she is. I just wish that she would put more effort in where family was concerned.”
“Have you ever talked to her about any of that?” I’m willing to bet he hasn’t.
“Have you ever talked to your father about your issues?” he shoots back, unimpressed.
“Oh look, we’re home.” I notice the house coming up on our left. Perfect timing.
