Page 55 of Steel & Thunder
The rest of the morning and afternoon is awkward at best. I can tell he’s giving me a lot of space. Forget sitting on the couch together—he barely wants to be in the same room as me. By the time we’re eating again, I’m starting to feel antsy.
“Do you think I could go for a run?” I ask after we stumble through an awkward lunch. I need some air.
“Certainly.” He looks up from his book. “I had not planned on going anywhere today, so I will be here when you get back.”
“Sounds good.” I head back to the bedroom to change into a loose shirt and some shorts. Once I’m dressed, I head for the door. “Are you sure you’re cool with me going out all un-collared?” Did that sound like I was disappointed?
“I have a solution for that. One moment.” Khazak walks to the bedroom, returning a minute later holding a metal chain which he hands to me. “This should satisfy the requirements.”
It’s a simple chain, thin with no real lock, just a clasp. I don’t even have to undo it to slip it over my head. It feels light as it settles against my chest.
“David...” Khazak looks hesitant to finish what he’s about to say. “If you decided to leave, I would not chase you down. I do not want you to feel like a prisoner here.”
I nod to him as I turn to the door. Is that what he’s expecting? I step outside, shaking the thoughts from my mind as I pick a direction and start running. Time to clear my head. The last few days have just been so fucking crazy. This whole week has been nuts. One day I’m camping in the woods and the next I belonged to an orc.
An orc who makes me feel some very confusing things.
What does he make me feel, exactly? I guess I’ve accepted that I’m attracted to him, attracted to men, but it feels like more than that. I like talking to him. Doing things with him. And not just in the bedroom, though I certainly like plenty of that too. I wish I had a past relationship to use as a model, but nothing I had with my ex-girlfriends ever came close to this.
I think about what we’ve been doing together the past week. Not the sex but the quieter times, the times I’d forget I was supposed to hate him. Meals, reading, lying in bed. Even playing that football game yesterday. My mind wanders, and I lose track of how long I’ve been running when I come face to face with a huge wooden gate. I guess I made it to the edge of the city.
This must be the gate Khazak mentioned yesterday. The wooden wall surrounding the city is tall, made up of smooth round posts packed tightly next to each other. Short of digging into the wood and climbing over, I don’t really see another way past other than using the gate. Not entirely sure how it opens but there’s a pair of guards posted out front. They don’t look particularly menacing.
I could probably convince them to open up for me. Khazak said it himself: I could just leave if I wanted to, and he wouldn’t chase me. It wouldn’t even have to be right now. I bet I could go back and pack a few things first. Head off for Holbrooke, take some work out there, save up some money, and then in two months when my friends are released, we can meet back up and pretend like this was all just a bad dream. I could totally do that.
But I don’t think I want to.
So what do you want, David?
I turn my back on the gate. Time to head home. I start the run back, my mind now preoccupied with other things. Like when exactly did I start thinking of it as home? Just a few days ago, I was trying everything I could think of to get away.
Then a few days after that, I was happily waking up next to him. Among other things. That’s not exactly an excuse to stay with him. It’s not a reason not to either. Probably could have started things off a little slower than being his slave. Like a date, maybe? I wonder what people do for dates around here. Fuck, are you really considering going on a date with a guy?
Would that have even worked? Can’t imagine that a week ago that I’d be receptive to a man asking me out, let alone an orc. Before I got here, I would have been shocked to learn that an orc that was capable of stringing two words together, let alone that there was an entire orc society arguably more advanced than my own. It’s not just about being with a guy or an orc either. I liked the roughness, I liked giving up control. I liked the idea that I belonged to somebody, somebody who wanted to take care of me. Maybe it’s all the years of training, but I even liked following his orders. There’s a part of me that gets all warm and fuzzy when he tells me I did good.
That doesn’t seem normal, those aren’t things I’m supposed to want…except everything I’ve seen and experienced in the last few days says the opposite. Not even just my own feelings and reactions; we went to an entire shop dedicated to selling gear and equipment for these kinds of…relationships. That fact that there even is gear and equipment for this stuff blows my mind, and I haven’t even been doing it for a week! I can only imagine what else is out there.
When you think about everything we’ve already done together, it seems kinda silly to go backwards. I don’t want to pretend like none of it happened. I also don’t typically like to do anything the slow way, if I can help it. I once tried to have Mike “magic” me older so I could try and enter the academy early. Good thing he didn’t. Or couldn’t, whatever. Point is, I’m not sure trying things the slow route would have worked any better. But there has to be some middle ground between “complete freedom” and “forced bondage.”
Even though I kinda like the forced part.
Seeing as we’re actually talking about things now, maybe we can figure it out together.
If he is even still interested.
If I haven’t already completely fucked this up.
Why am I even considering this? I got exactly what I wanted: my freedom. Why am I debating giving some of that back? I go back and forth like this for I don’t know how long but eventually realize I’m back at the house. Well, that run really helped clear things up. I groan to myself and open the door, Khazak looking up from his spot on the couch as I enter.
“Hey.” I give an awkward little wave. Are we roommates now?
“No problems, I trust?” He’s asking if anyone bothered me.
“Nope. Just going to grab a shower.” I point my thumb down the hall as I walk backward.
He nods, returning to his book while I get cleaned up. I grab my clothing out of his bedroom, taking a fresh pair of shorts to the bathroom with me. Of course, being in the shower brings back an entirely different set of memories. Very good ones. I sigh under the spray. I need to talk to Khazak.
When I’m finished cleaning up, I re-enter the living room, clothes dry but hair still damp. I join Khazak on the couch, bringing up one of my knees so I can turn to face him. Seeing my movements, he copies me, putting his book down so we are facing each other.
