Page 65 of Sin With Me
When I glance at her, she’s beaming. “Not at all.”
“Why do you look so happy?”
“I’ve been wonderin’ when you and Wilder were gonna finally get together.” She shrugs bashfully. “Ever since you found out he was ‘Luke’ and then spent more time together, it was only a matter of time before your emotions spilled over.”
I told my parents the Luke/Wilder story after Waylon and I had broken up two years later. When I asked Noahabout training, I was hesitant at first. Not because of my past relationship with Waylon but because of Wilder.
“You heard the part where I freaked out on him, right?”
“Yes. And this whole takin’ time apart business is a ploy.”
“Whaddya mean?”
“He doesn’t need time to get over you or move on. He’s givin’ you time to catch up because he knows the feelings are mutual.”
“I don’t think so, Mama. He was serious when he said it.”
“I’ve always noticed the way he looked at you. Even drunk, he stared like you were his anchor. He held onto you to steady him and that’s how I know he wouldn’t give up that easily without a fight.”
I never realized he looked at me a certain way.
“He knows I’m the girl from the crisis hotline,” I tell her the same thing I told my father. “And he knows I know too.”
“Doesn’t surprise me. He felt safe with you. You got him through a hard period and he knew you’d never judge him the way he assumes everyone else does. You give him comfort and stability.” She smiles so wide, it reaches her temples. “You’re his safety pin.”
My eyes fill with tears before I can stop them. I’ve never considered he saw me that way and even though I don’t want to gloat and sound highly of myself, I can understand why.
Wilder and I spent weeks on the phone, discussing all his highs and lows. He shared so much with me—minus his real name and the truth about who he was—but I had his voice memorized and it was how I knew the first moment he spoke.
The rest clicked into place.
Twin brother. Oldest of five. Plus everything Waylon had told me about his mental health.
During those months we talked, I wondered who he was and eventually figured out he gave me a fake name when he nearly slipped during one of his story times. But I didn’t push himto tell me because some people feel ashamed for calling into a crisis hotline, and I didn’t want him to feel that way. I was proud he continued to call even when it was obvious it was only to talk to me. Hearing his voice was something I looked forward to hearing and missed when I had to leave abruptly.
“If you have feelings for him, tell him. Put that man out of his misery and yourself out of yours.”
I wipe my cheek, sniffing back my emotions. “It ain’t that easy, Mama.”
“Love never is, sweetheart. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be heartache.”
Chapter Fourteen
Wilder
The anticipation of seeing Delilah again and spending the next few days in Vegas with her has me sweating through my shirt before we even walk into the airport. I hitched a ride with Tripp since Waylon and Harlow road-tripped it there and Noah's too pregnant to fly, so her husband, Fisher, drove them a few days ago. But Magnolia talked and sang to the radio during the entire drive so I couldn't even clear my mind before we arrived.
And I really need to because I’ve been spiraling. More than usual and it's brought me back to the days when I’d get so trapped in my head, I couldn’t find a way out until I released the pain.
The overactive thoughts, the feeling of dread, the anxiety attacks.
Like I have no control of my life at the moment.
Some of this was my own doing, like hitting Wesley in the face, but I don’t regret it. Every Thursday at anger management and every weekend at the shelter are worth it to have put him in his place.
Working with Jonah the past five days has kept me busier than usual, and although it's helped distract me a little, I'm still not a fan of him. Every time we took a break and he'd smile down at his phone while texting Delilah, I wanted to clock him.
She claims they're just friends, but if that's the case, what the hell does that make her and me?
