Page 63 of Sin With Me
I invited Jonah to meet us so I could tell him about the possibility of working at the ranch, assuming he’d even want to, and the more we talked, the more we drank.
Besides the morning after text asking how I was feeling and him responding when I asked how Jonah was doing on his first day, we haven’t talked. He replied with a quick:he’s fine.
Jonah later told me Wilder was on his ass for ten hours straight and wouldn’t make conversation with him besides giving him orders. Didn’t even introduce him to the other ranch hands, so he did it himself.
He texted on his second day that some teenage girl threw him a dirty look for getting the four-wheeler stuck in the mud. And instead of helping, she walked away laughing.
After a few days of Jonah proving he’s a hard worker, Wilder took it easier on him. He still makes him do bitch work, but Jonah’s more than happy to do it for Raven’s sake.
Since he’s working long shifts, he gave Raven my number in case she ever needs anything and can’t get ahold of him. She texted me once to thank me for helping Jonah get the job and I told her to contact me anytime.
After the article, neither of us has seen or heard from Wesley or Molly. I can only hope it stays that way because I’m sick of looking over my shoulder every time I leave my apartment. Getting out of town will be nice for that reason alone.
Wilder and I are on the same flight since Harlow and Waylon drove, but I’ll be next to my mom so she’s not alone.
I’m anxious to see how things will go between us after our “time apart.” My biggest fear is things won’t be the same between us. Either he’ll say he’s over it or he needs more space.
As much as I want things to go back to the way they were before I kissed him, it’s not fair to ask him to do that. Not when I know he’s had feelings for me and he knows I have them for him.
I hate that I can’t get out of my grief and guilt enough to give in to those feelings and be what he deserves right now.
Although I’ve been talking to a counselor for the better part of the year, the impending one-year anniversary of my dad’s death has me in a chokehold. This weird anticipation hangs over me like a deadline—if I make it to that date, I can say I survived the worst of it. The hardest year of my life will be over, and I can finally exhale.
But the reality will be that the hard days won’t magically stop. And I still have to accept that.
“I can’t believe you’re goin’ without me.” Mattie pouts, body-slamming my bed and nearly crashing on top of my suitcase. “Can you at least bring me back a hot cowboy or cowgirl?”
“Why not one of each?” I tease.
She sits up, eyes bright and eager like a dog waiting for its bone. “Yes, please!”
I snort, grabbing more clothes.
“You should bring your new lavender lace set.”
“For who?”
“Your future husband.”
“And who’s that?”
“Whichever hot piece of cowboy ass you find.” She falls back against my pillows, sighing as she looks up dreamily.
“You’re imaginin’ guys in chaps and cowboy hats, aren’t ya?”
“Just my type. Preferably shirtless and tattooed.”
I chuckle, digging into my closet for the lingerie set I haven’t even tried on.
“If I’m not ready to move forward with Wilder, what makes you think this will ever see the light of day?” I ask, holding it up against my body. It’s teeny tiny compared to me.
“Maybe that’ll give you the confidence you need to get outta that head of yours and finally be honest with yourself.”
I groan and my eye twitches. “You sound like my therapist.”
“Then we’re both brilliant.” She gloats.
“Mm-hmm.” I drop the lingerie in my luggage because why the hell not.
