Page 46 of Only With Me
“Smut? Girl, that’s a thriller plot. The heroine finds out the priest has been inappropriate with her little sister but no one believes her, so she comes up with a plan for revenge. She seduces him and makes him fall in love with her, but the kicker is she takes out an insurance plan on him without his knowledge. Then she murders him in the worst way—like it was so graphic and disgusting—by cutting off his dick and shoving his balls down his throat. But also, like…respect, girl. Makinghim suffer and doing the Lord’s work gettin’ rid of that piece of shit.”
I grimace at the image she just put in my head. “Jesus…that’s gruesome.”
“Oh, and then she sets up someone else to take the blame.”
“No way…who?”
“Her own mother! Since she didn’t believe her about what he was doin’ to the sister, she planted evidence to make her the only suspect. She came up with this whole crazy plot and the crazier part is how it worked because the mom went to prison.”
“That’s madness. Is that how it ends?”
“The epilogue is the best part…not only does she get the money, she moves with her sister to another state and changes their names. Then they start going to another Catholic church and she basically repeats the whole thing—seduces a priest, takes out life insurance on him, cuts off his dick and kills him, then plants evidence to pin it on someone else.”
I gasp. “So now it’s a whole murder for life insurance scheme?”
“Pretty much, but she’s also a little…psychotic. An unreliable narrator, if you will. I haven’t read the sequel, but I heard it’s even better than the first. She goes from priests to other types of predatory men and it’s supposed to be even more disturbin’.”
“I haven’t even read it, and I’m disturbed.”
“Well, I can give you a ton of smut recommendations. Especially if you wanna learn a thing or two…” She smirks, arching her brow.
I chuckle at her clear implication. “Maybe. I’ll get back to you once I find out who he is. Might need to read that thriller one instead after all.”
“Speakin’ of murder, you should share your location with me—just to be safe.”
“We’re meetin’ at The Grindhouse. There’ll be employees and other people there.”
“But what if he wants to take you for a drive…ya know—adrive,” she emphasizes the last word with a drawl.
I pinch my brows. “What’s wrong with that? Drives out in the country are my favorites.”
“I swear to God.” She pinches the bridge of her nose. “There’s only two reasons a guy asks to go on a drive with a girl.” She holds up one finger. “To get you naked in the back seat for some horizontal gymnastics.” Then she puts up another finger. “Or to murder you in the woods and bury you there.”
“Damn, okay. No goin’ on drives.”
“At least not until you know him better,” she clarifies. “So until then, share your location with me right now.”
“Fine, geez.” I grab my phone and add her to my Life 360 app. “Happy,Mother?”
“Yes, thank you. Now I can stalk you without being a creep.”
I snort. “Well, I’m glad one person will know where to look for my body.”
“I’d bring out my shovel and find you myself before even calling 911. Then I’d find the bastard who did it, smash his head in with said shovel, and leave him out for the coyotes to eat.”
“Ooookay, this just got morbid like your thriller book. I’m gonna have nightmares tonight.”
Her laughter causes me to laugh and soon we’re both wiping away tears at her reaction to murdering the person who killed me.
“I better get to bed,” I say.
“Yeah, you gotta take an everything shower and shave before yourdate, don’t ya?” She waggles her brows, and I shake my head at how obnoxious she is.
“Only because I’m wearin’ a cute dress, but that doesn’t mean there’ll be any touchin’ underneath it.”
“Mm-hmm.Right.”
“Good night,” I singsong.
