Page 6 of Once Upon a Crown
She had to pull me away that day. Had to force me to get on a horse and flee as I was exiled from my own kingdom. I couldn’t protect Elara... or anyone for that matter. And I hated myself for failing her. I knew if I looked into her eyes, it would shatter me.
“There was a council meeting a few days ago.” She tried to start up a conversation again. “Everyone was there, even Alastor and Gwen.”
What would Gwen be doing in a council meeting? I hadn’t seen much of her after confining myself to my rooms, but I imagined she must be just as distraught over her brother.
“How many cities has Aries sacked?” I forced the words out of my mouth. My throat was dry and scratchy. I needed something to drink.
“He hasn’t really been attacking the cities.” The hesitation in her voice told me I wasn’t going to like what she was about to say. “He’s been making his way to the mountains.” Of course he had. Our biggest fear was coming into being and I didn’t know how to stop it. How would we go up against the entire Argonian army? How would I reclaim my throne?
“The council wants to meet with you as well. I want Everness to prepare for war.” She’d expected me to be at that meeting and I felt bad for not having shown up. Truthfully, I couldn’t remember being told about it. Sometimes my dreams and reality blended into one and I had a hard time knowing what was real.
I couldn’t imagine meeting with the council. Not until I could pull myself together. They would look to me for wisdom and answers and I felt lost. What good was a king who couldn’t even get into his own kingdom? I wanted my father. The sound of his reassuring voice, his hand on my shoulder. I needed him to tell me what to do.
“Is Everness ready for that kind of battle?”
“I doubt it.” She sighed. “Some of my people don’t even want me on the throne.” She hadn’t been queen for long enough. They might view her sending Evernean armies to Norrandale as impulsive and naive.
When I didn’t respond, she placed her hand on mine, where it rested on the arm of the chair. It was warm and soft and part of me so desperately wanted to reach for her, but I found myself unable to. “We need allies in Norrandale. We need to take back Mistwood.”
I could imagine Thatcher in the throne room, seated on a throne that had hosted my family for generations, making a mockery of my legacy. The court would have fled, Aries’ guards stationed everywhere. Who knew how many more people he had killed after he had murdered my family, after he had murdered one of my closest friends.
“Walking into that palace would be like walking into a deathtrap.” I pulled my hand away from hers and tried not to picture her expression, no doubt full of hurt or disappointment.
There was a moment of silence, another sigh from her. “Well, we have to do something, Cai.”
“So that more people we care about can die?” I knew she was right and that we needed to take action. I just didn’t know where to begin. Not when I was still so consumed by my own grief.
Elara stood up and I thought she was about to leave, put off by my words, but instead she crouched down in front of me. My eyes remained focused on the fireplace.
“I’m so sorry about your mother and your grandmother. And I’m sorry about Jack.” Her voice cracked a little in sincerity, and a wave of sadness and loss washed over me once more. “But we cannot let Aries see this through. We cannot let him win.”
“Aries has already won,” I replied.
“Look at me, Cai.” I couldn’t. She was so much stronger and braver than I could ever be, and I couldn’t protect her.
I couldn’t protect her.
I couldn’t protect any of them.
They were all dead because of me.
Because I failed them.
“Look at me,” Elara said, more determined this time. Her hands reached for my stubbled cheeks and forced my head to turn. I met her eyes. Where they once smouldered with fire, I could only see pain behind them now. They were searching me for answers I did not possess.
“I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you. But please don’t push me away.”
I didn’t want to, but everything we had done to protect Norrandale had been in vain, and I couldn’t change it. Too many people had died because of me. I wasn’t ready for war and yet it was here anyway.
I gently took her hands and lowered them, turning my head away. “I don’t want to put more people’s lives at risk.”
“Our lives are already at risk.” There was anger in her voice now. Or maybe desperation. She stood up abruptly. “Aries is amonster, and I will not allow him to trample over more innocent people. But I cannot do this on my own.”
“I’m sorry, Elara.” It was all I could get out.Please forgive me.
“So that’s it? You’re just going to sit up here alone and wait for death to come and get you? You’re just going to give up on everything, on all of us?” No, I just didn’t know how to fight when all I could see and feel was pain and anger.
“I’m sorry,” I said again, my voice barely above a whisper.
