Page 53 of Once Upon a Crown
Cai finally looked up. I could still see the disappointment in his eyes. “Because you make me furious sometimes.”
I raised an eyebrow, inviting him to say more.
“I’d asked you not to go and you went anyway, without even telling me.”
“I did tell you,” I argued.
“I don’t mean leaving me a short note telling me not to come and look for you. Do you have any idea how worried I was?”
This was the most emotion I’d seen from him in a while. Though it might not have been a positive reaction, it reminded me of the person he was before his best friend stabbed him in the back, before his family was murdered, before he was exiled from his kingdom. It reminded me of the Cai who would do anything to protect me, who didn’t care for my impulsivity. The Cai who fought for the things he cared about.
“How many times do I have to say that I am capable of looking after myself? I was completely fine.” More or less, anyway.
“You went into the most dangerous place in Everness, all by yourself with no assurance that you would come out alive,” he said, walking over.
“Well, I’m fine now. I don’t see why you’re still so angry. Do you want me to say I’m sorry that I went? Because I won’t.”
“Do you have no care for your life?” His voice rose with every word. “You cannot disappear into the woods in the middle of the night. You have a responsibility to your kingdom.”
“It’s that responsibility I’m trying to keep. We need to open that diary, and the key is the only way we are going to do it.” My frustration grew at his lack of reason. I stepped up to him and Cai towered over me, but I still glared up at him.
“It is not worth your life,” he cried out, grabbing my upper arms. “Don’t you see it?” His voice was laced with desperation. “I’ve lost everyone, Elara.” His eyes bored into mine, thedisappointment now replaced by deep worry. “I cannot bear to lose you too.”
The way he said it caused my anger to dull. The pained look in his eyes that I’d grown used to in the past few months returned.
“You’re not going to lose me, Cai,” I said, softer now.
“You don’t know that.” He placed his forehead to mine. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, savouring the safety his presence always brought me. I missed this.
“I’m not going anywhere.” It was a promise I hoped I could keep. “As long as I don’t lose you either. I don’t think I’ll survive that.” Despite our difference and conflicts, I loved Cai beyond my control and cared for him more than I’d ever cared for anyone. It was because of him that I’d found the will and strength to fight this upcoming war.
Cai placed his hands on my cheeks. “I will never leave you,” he vowed, forcing me to look into those beautiful emerald eyes of his. Sadness or not, they were my home. “You saved my life once. You pulled me back from death. And I will go to hell and back to find you.”
Cai pressed his mouth to mine in a loving kiss and I melted into him. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I urged him closer, allowing his hands to sweep over my body. I could feel the warmth of his hands through the material of my robe. Standing up on my toes, I deepened the kiss, pressing myself against him to eliminate any space between us. This was different from the kiss we’d shared in his room the other day. There was no pain now. There was only longing.
“I love you,” I murmured against his mouth. I wanted all of him. Wanted him to know how much he mattered. I would do anything for him, regardless of the cost.
Cai pulled back, giving me a strange look.
“What?”
“You’ve never said that before,” he responded, breathing heavily.
“What do you mean? Of course I have.”
“No,” he said slowly. “You’ve never told me you loved me before.”
I thought back to previous interactions, to Cai confessing his love for me. I’d known I’d loved him for a while now. Ever since I got back from Norrandale the first time. But had I really never said it?
“Well, I mean it.” My fingers curled in his golden locks. “I love you, Cai.”
He looked at me with a wonder I’d never seen before. Then he was kissing me again.
How I had missed this closeness with him, this intimacy. The scent of him, the feeling of his hands on me. I could stay like this for ever, so enraptured by him, and to hell with the rest of the world.
Cai walked me backwards until I felt the bed touch the back of my legs. I pulled back for a second, gasping for air. My fingers moved to his torso of their own accord, untucking his linen shirt. I pushed my hands under the material, placing my fingers on his muscular abdomen. Cai grabbed the collar and pulled the shirt over his head in one swift motion, dropping it on the floor.
He took me back into his arms and hitched my legs around his waist while I kissed him with urgency. Then he carefully laid me on the bed, the silky sheets soft against my skin. Cai broke away, kissing my neck, and I tilted my head back. He took his time, letting his mouth trail over all the places his hands had been while I savoured the feeling of his lips.
