Page 89 of Crown of Hearts
When I stepped back into the room, Cai was lying on the bed with his legs dangling off the side, his boots discarded on the floor. His eyes were closed, and he looked so peaceful, but I could tell from his breathing that he wasn’t quite asleep yet.
He felt my presence and lazily opened an eye, giving me half a smile. I picked up my brush from the dressing table and started to pull it through my hair, suddenly very aware that the two of us were alone in my room.
“Was this your mother’s room?”
“Yes.” I cleared my throat. “I moved in here after I was crowned.”
“Did you redecorate it?” He was now propped up on his elbows.
“No,” I said, looking around the room. “It’s pretty much exactly as my mother had left it, apart from my clothes.” I hadn’t even thought about redoing any of the décor in the palace. There always seemed to be something more important to worry about.
“I haven’t gone into my father’s rooms since he died.”
I stopped brushing my hair. Cai didn’t wait for me to respond. He sat up, elbows resting on his thighs.
“When they told me he’d passed away in his sleep, I disappeared into the woods, not wanting anyone at court to see me fall apart. And when I returned to Mistwood, I could never bring myself to go back into those rooms again. After I wascrowned, I continued to stay in my old chambers and had his closed off. Some days I walk past them and contemplate going inside. But I never do.”
“Why?” I asked softly.
Cai had a far-off expression, sadness lingering in his eyes. “I think being there, where he died, and seeing all his things would make it too real. I never felt ready to face it.”
I’d never known my parents and thus their passing caused no sense of a void in my life. Even though I’d mourned Uncle Arthur, the only father figure I’d ever known, he’d never been affectionate or told me that he loved me. But Cai and his father had been close. They’d shared a bond that I’d never known or experienced. And Cai was thrown into the deep waters of ruling a kingdom without being ready. That I could empathise with.
But Cai had a legacy to live up to and a secret that could destroy his kingdom. The weight on his shoulders had to be immense.
I walked over to him and stood between his legs. “I am so sorry, Cai.”
He wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed his head to my stomach. I’d never been a particularly comforting person, but it was all I could offer him in that moment.
“I’m sorry you had to lose him. And I’m sorry for everything else that we’re facing.”
My fingers curled into his hair as I held him.
“What if I’m not good enough?” he said, after a few moments. “What if I can’t protect them all?”
“Look at me.” I took his face into my hands and forced him to look up. “You’re good enough to me.”
His eyes told me that he didn’t quite believe me.
“You care more about your people and your kingdom than anyone, and that’s what makes you a good king. You’re the leader they need.”
“I faced Aries’ army on the battlefield once,” he said, with a haunted expression. “I don’t know if I can do it again.”
I brushed my thumb across his cheek.
“If we have to do it, then we’ll do it together.”
He continued to look up at me, chin resting against my torso. The room was silent apart from our breathing and the crackling from the fireplace.
I bent down to kiss him, and in an instant Cai pulled me tight against him. My hands moved to his strong shoulders.
Cai coaxed my lips apart and I let out a sigh. I wanted to be closer still.
His hands slid down the back of my nightdress and lifted me onto the bed so that I was straddling him.
Suddenly wide awake, I couldn’t help but think back to the library at Mistwood and how he’d made me feel things I’d never felt before. Cai had managed to create a need in me. A need for a certain kind of intimacy and closeness that I had yet to experience.
Breathing became a second priority as his mouth possessed my own.
