Page 82 of Crown of Hearts
“I won’t get in your way, I promise. But I’ll drive myself mad if I have to stay in this damned place any longer.” She looked at the palace walls with dismay.
Thatcher and I stared at her in silence, waiting for more of an explanation.
“You guys can come and go as you please. Cai, you’ve been gone more in the past few years than you’ve been home. I love Norrandale but I need to see what’s beyond the palace walls every now and then.”
Gwen was very hard-headed once she’d set her mind on something. I called for the stable boy to saddle another horse.
“Fine, but if you get killed, it’s not my fault.” Thatcher crossed his arms. Gwen ignored him and moved towards the stable boy, gathering her horse’s tack.
“I may be a lady, but I can still kick both your arses,” she replied over her shoulder.
Chapter 23
Elara
I stepped out of the carriage, the gravel of the front drive crunching, and burst through the front doors of the palace.
“Your Majesty, welcome home.” The palace guard practically tripped over himself in surprise. My return was not announced or expected.
“Where’s Lance?” I barked out the question.
“He was last seen in the library, I believe, Your Majesty.” The guard didn’t sound very sure of himself, or perhaps he was just clearly aware of my mood.
The soles of my boots sounded over the clean tiled floors. I hadn’t bothered with a dress or any accessories when I left. It wasn’t as if anybody was going to see me. What did I need to look formal for anyway? The journey from Norrandale was long and I wanted to be comfortable.
The palace was quiet, all the servants going about their daily routines. I could hear the guards training outside, through the open windows, while inside a maid busied herself with her duties. Perhaps I hadn’t given Lance enough credit. Despite his past, which could only be described as selfish and borderline psychotic, the palace was still standing, nobody was trying to break down the doors in protest, and everyone seemed to be alive and well — things were in place. He’d been regent before when King Magnus took ill, and I was opposed to his rule back then. But there was still a form of order. Lance knew how to handle people. Something I’d never had much skill with.
My boots continued stomping as I headed towards the library. I wondered how my sudden departure from the kingdom to pursue an alliance had been received. Releasing Lance from prison would have raised a few eyebrows. I was too focused onsurviving to put much thought into any of it. Had it been a mistake to go to Norrandale? Back then, it seemed like a risk I needed to take, but now I was back empty-handed and with the knowledge that Cai believed I wouldn’t live up to the great legacy of all the queens of Norrandale.
Lance looked up from a book when I entered the library. “Elara?” There was an expression of slight surprise on his face but no trace of disappointment or distaste. “I didn’t know you’d be arriving today.” I didn’t know what state I’d expected to find him in — raving drunk, surrounded by women maybe. But no, he’d been calmly sitting and reading.
How could everything and everyone be so well and happy when it felt as though my world was falling apart? How was I going to tell him I’d failed? The last thing I was looking for was Lance’s approval. But it felt too shameful to admit that I couldn’t do the single thing that might have saved my claim to the throne. And the only person I had to blame was myself. I was stupid for believing I could do this. Stupid for thinking I could make any kind of a difference. The politics of our situation was too complicated. All of this was too complicated.
“Are you all right?” Lance dared to ask. “You look a little pale.”
Pale was the very least of my concerns. I’d managed to hold every piece of myself together all the way from Norrandale. But months of pain and anguish and fear had built up into something horrible.
And I broke.
Tears started streaming down my face. Lance’s expression grew to discomfort, as if he was not quite sure what to do. Which was why he surprised me when he stood up, after a moment, to come over and wrap his arms around me in a brotherly fashion.
It was strange, perhaps even wrong considering our past. I didn’t want him to see my pain. But right then, he was the onlyperson there. And I needed it. Despite my instincts screaming at me, I needed just to be held.
In the end, I suppose, we were all only human.
And so, I let him hold me. But only for a second or two before I pulled away, clearing my throat.
“Should I call for some tea?” he asked, looking uncomfortable, but I shook my head, taking a seat in one of the library chairs. Lance sat across from me, reclining comfortably. The only person I knew who always seemed to be at ease.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?”
“What do you care?” I sniffed. He may have been my brother, but he was certainly not my friend. He was half the reason I was in this mess.
“I care because if you lose the crown, then you and I are screwed, little sister.”
And there was the Lance I knew. The one who would only help as long as it entertained his own selfish goals.
“The matters here in Everness need my attention. I haven’t managed to secure the alliance yet. We’d certainly create a reputation in this family if we both manage to lose our crown in the first year of our reign.”
