Page 35 of Crown of Hearts
He sighed, and hesitated before deciding to speak up again. “I don’t mean to be intruding on your personal affairs, Your Majesty. But what happened?”
“She asked me to marry her,” I blurted out.
His expression filled with surprise, and I wondered for a moment how I had looked when Elara asked me. Probably much more shocked.
“And?” He drawled out the word.
“And I didn’t say yes.”
“Hmm.” He took a seat next to me. “May I ask why, Your Majesty?” Jack had seen the best and the worst of Elara and knew her almost as well as I did.
“I don’t know,” I confessed. Maybe part of the not knowing was the reason I was so angry with myself. I could practically run myself through a wall with frustration. I’d been a mess the day before. I hadn’t said a single thing right. Had I spent so much time trying to push Elara from my mind, these past months, that I didn’t take time to survey all the damage done between us? All the actions and secrets and lies we had webbed ourselves in that one could almost believe it was for the better. I’d kept too many things from her. We were different people now. We were as good as strangers.
“She’s different though, no?” Jack observed. “I mean—” he let out half a chuckle — “she’s still Elara but being on the throne has certainly changed her.”
“In some ways, yes.” But the fire behind her eyes had not yet burned out. Determination and steadfastness lingered there.
She was a force of nature before, unpredictable in her ways. There was no telling what exactly was going on inside her wildmind. We’d become foreign to each other in our time apart, and I was unsure what to feel, what to think, what to do.
“Too much has changed in too little time. There is a lot to take under consideration here and it couldn’t hurt for me and Elara to spend some time together until the agreement would be revised. See exactly what kind of king and queen we turned out to be.”
“I would imagine Her Majesty didn’t respond to your answer very well.”
“In a way,” I told him.
Jack seemed to hesitate again.
“Yes?” I encouraged him, being able to tell after all these years that he had plenty on his mind.
“Forgive me, Your Majesty, it’s just, before, when you were set to marry Eloisa, you seemed to have no quarrel about the fact that you two were strangers. You were happy to marry for duty. So why not now, when the matrimony would benefit Norrandale and Everness?”
I let out a breath, attempting to release the tension in my jaw. I’d come out here to practise duelling with Jack for the purpose of avoiding the subject of politics and Elara. But simply ignoring it wouldn’t make it go away.
“If I’d married Eloisa and things were different with my parents, she would have been princess in Norrandale for a long time. She would have had the ability to get to know the kingdom and the people, to be taught our ways. Elara would be thrown in the deep end, and with the Argonian spies...” I sighed. “I just have a bad feeling. I have to meet with the council. If Aries is planning on breaking the peace alliance, we need to reconsider what an alliance with Everness could mean. Besides, it’s not as if I’m being cruel. Elara isn’t in love with me or anything of the sort...” I trailed off.
“Don’t tell me, you’ve changed your mind and wish to marry for love now.”
I gave him a look. Jack and I didn’t really have secrets. I trusted the man with everything. But there was something about my relationship with Elara that I wanted to keep to myself. I didn’t have to share everything that was on my mind with everyone all the time.
“Afraid she’ll break your heart, Your Majesty?” he teased.
“Shall we get back to it?” I stood up and gripped my sword.
“I must say, Your Majesty, I often forget your pride since you hide it so well.” He laughed to himself but stood up nonetheless.
“I think you forget yourself.” The words sounded like a king’s warning, but Jack and I both respected each other too much to forsake honesty for the sake of propriety.
“Very well.” Jack came into position with a smirk. “On your guard, Your Majesty.”
* * *
I took comfort in Jack being head of my guard and part of the reason was his excellent swordsmanship. Which was why I knew he let me win the round. It was probably meant well, but it only made me feel worse.
“Is that how a king fights these days?”
We turned to see Lara approaching. She was in her riding attire, and I wondered if she’d gone horse riding in the morning. At the sight of her, appearing so calm and collected, my stomach tightened in a knot. Her expression suggested that our conversation yesterday had never happened.
“Not at all,” Jack countered. “Today was a good day. He’s usually much worse.” I sent half a glare his way as Lara grinned, walking into the sand ring.
