Page 17 of Crown of Hearts
I heaved, forcing myself to continue walking. My sword dragged behind me. The sharp edge scraped along the groundwith each step. With every moment, it became more difficult to breathe. It felt as if my lungs were collapsing. As if my heart had already been ripped out of my chest. I was already dead.
My head spun, the lack of food and water taking its toll. The battlefield was a ballroom of soldiers in a dance with death. Bodies collapsed on the ground beside me.
Another step.
Something grabbed my ankle and my thumping heart skipped a beat. I looked down. It was the hand of one of my soldiers. “Harris.” I bent down. His eyes were wide with fear. A large gash covered his chest. He was bleeding to death and there was nothing I could do. He was barely seventeen.
I grabbed his hand.
“Your Highness, I’m afraid.” His voice was hoarse.
“Do not be afraid,” I said, as calmly as possible. It was an effort to keep my voice from cracking. “You have served your kingdom well.”
“I want to go home,” he said with sadness, his breathing becoming more laboured with every second.
“You will go home,” I lied. There was no need for me to burden him with heavy truths in his last moments. He would go home... in a casket. “You’ll go home,” I promised. “And you’ll receive a reward for your valour and bravery.” I hated this. Hated every moment of this. Hated that he wasn’t the first one. That he wouldn’t be the last.
“A reward?” A hint of a smile. I nodded, still clutching him. “My family would be so proud.”
“Yes, they will. They will be so proud of you, Harris.” He had a mother, a sister who depended on him for an income. A mother and sister who were waiting for him to come back to them.
“It hurts,” he wheezed. “It hurts, Your Highness.”
“I know.” I clenched my teeth. “It will stop hurting soon.” Blood dripped from his mouth, and I held on to him until he released his final, dying breath. I closed Harris’s eyes and sent up a silent prayer for him.
I forced myself to stand up and scan the battlefield again. There he was. The youngest Argonian prince and Aries’ younger brother. He took pleasure in capturing my soldiers and torturing them for information. He took pleasure in the deaths of men like Harris. And it would end today. I was filled with more anger than I knew I could possess. Blind rage, searing white aggression.
My vision grew tunnelled, my sole focus on him. One goal in mind. With each step, his armoured body got closer. I watched him drive his sword through one of my soldiers, his back towards me. The man let out a cry of death. I was almost there. He pulled his sword out and shoved the soldier to the ground. I would not allow him to kill any of my men again.
I didn’t hesitate. Not when he gasped in surprise. Not when he fell to the ground, with blood seeping onto the grass. I didn’t hesitate to twist the sword. Didn’t hesitate when he screamed. A part of me had died in battle, had died along with every one of my fallen soldiers. I could not bring them back. I could not bring them to their mothers, or wives or sisters or friends. But I could avenge them. Their lives and their deaths would mean something.
The prince stopped moving. I stood there for a moment, motionless. Part of me expected that I would feel something once he was gone. Satisfaction, relief maybe? But nothing. I was completely numb.
* * *
I woke up screaming.
Droplets of sweat ran down my chest. There was a knock on the door before Jack peered in.
“Everything all right, Your Majesty? I heard a scream.” I should have felt embarrassed, but it wasn’t the first time Jack heard me screaming myself awake and I would venture to bargain that it wouldn’t be the last.
“Jack, what are you doing outside my rooms?” My voice came out hoarse.
“I was just making the rounds, Your Majesty.”
“Don’t you ever sleep?” I pushed away the sheets that were clinging to my body.
“I couldn’t, Your Majesty. So, I thought I might as well take the night shift.”
I swallowed hard. My throat was dry. “All right then.”
“So, all is well, Your Majesty? I can leave you be?”
All was not well. But my nightmares were mine alone. As far as everyone was concerned, everything had to be well, always. It was my duty. My royal duty. It was not that I couldn’t trust Jack. It was that I couldn’t trust myself. That once the gates were opened and the dams broken, I wasn’t certain I would be able to close them again.
“Get a servant to light the candles, please, Jack.” I might as well get started with work. Despite it being the early hours of the morning, I was not going back to sleep. I would not be favoured with rest again before the sun rose.
Chapter 5
