Page 102 of Crown of Hearts
“This was your idea, remember?”
Of course I remembered, but that didn’t mean I’d thought it through when I said it.
“If we die because of a sea storm, I’m coming back to haunt you.”
Cai took my hand, leading me up to the deck. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you don’t fall overboard.”
“Very funny,” I muttered, though grateful he was holding on to me. I hated the feeling of the ground constantly moving beneath my feet. How did sailors and fishermen do this for a living?
I didn’t go below deck much during our journey. The spaces were too dark and confined and reminded me of the prison cell in Everness. Thankfully, I didn’t get seasick, though I didn’t have much of an appetite either.
“Are you still all right?” Cai made a habit of constantly checking on my welfare.
I nodded, resting my arms on the ship’s handrail while I stared into the horizon.
“I’m fine.”
He remained standing next to me. “I didn’t think I’d be going back to Argon this soon,” Cai admitted. “Maybe I hoped I wouldn’t have to go back ever.”
I thought about what awaited us once we reached the shore.
“Cai, how much did you know about Eloisa?” I finally brought up the topic that had been bothering me all this time.
“Not much.” He looked intrigued at my question. “Apparently, she kept to herself a lot, though I didn’t hear anything scandalous. Why?”
“Lance finally admitted why she was so separated from society, why no one ever really saw her. According to him, she has these... episodes.”
“Episodes?”
“I’m not exactly sure what happens to her, but Lance described them as a kind of fit. They come and go. Sometimes she’s fine and normal, and other times she’s screaming for no reason. I think she’s ill.”
“And this is the princess Lance wanted to marry me off to?”
“I think Everness hoped it would be a marriage on paper. I don’t think it was intended for you to find out. Regardless, who knows what state we’ll find her in.”
He was silent for a long time. “Why didn’t you tell me Ray had found her?”
I bit my lip. “I was going to, as soon as I’d heard, actually.”
“What stopped you?”
“I ran into Jack while looking for you.” I squeezed the wooden railing of the ship, looking over to where Jack was sitting with Cordelia, sharing lunch. Jack had insisted she stay behind, and Cordelia had insisted he was being overprotective for no reason. “I told him I was worried about you and, well—”
“Well, what?”
I shook my head. “I don’t want you to be mad at him.”
“Why would I be mad? What did he say?”
After another moment of hesitation, I said, “He told me the story of the girl in Argon.”
Cai’s eyes widened and his face lost all colour.
“You were already so stressed with everything going on, and I didn’t want to upset you more. I know I should have said something sooner, but the right time never came around.”
He looked down into the water with a deep sigh. “War asks more of us than we can afford,” Cai said. “We’ve all lost someone.”
And I knew what he meant. Knew we’d yet to talk about Ray and what happened in the forest. I couldn’t bring myself to say his name out loud. Couldn’t admit that I didn’t know how to grieve my oldest friend. Not when everyone needed me to be strong now more than ever. Not when everyone needed a queen they could count on.
