Page 137 of Love Bleeds Red
No. It’s better that I wait until I’m one hundred percent sure that I’m ready. Even though that kiss was incredible. It was gentle but not too gentle. Exactly like I remembered but so much more.
Leon shifts to his back beside me and I’m way too aware of his every breath, his every movement. I stare at the dark blue nylon, willing myself to get tired. All this fresh air… Come on body, just fall asleep.
Except my damn leg itches. I try to ignore it, but it gets so bad from the welts forming that I can’t help but bend to scratch.
“Uh, Bailey…” Leon says, his voice thick. “You alright?”
“Sorry! Just itchy. These damn bites.” I swat at my leg, remembering that it’s bad to scratch.
“Okay.” He’s quiet for a moment before he adds, “You’re just kind of grinding against my thigh.”
“Shit!” I scoot over, putting a few inches between us. “I’m sorry!”
“It’s fine. Is there something I can do? You want some ice from the cooler?”
And have a soggy sleeping bag? No way.
“I’m fine. I’ll stop.”
The tent falls quiet again, it’s just the distant sounds of the lake and our breathing. With Leon’s arm right there next to mine, close enough that I can feel the warmth radiating from his skin, it’s hard to clear my head. I focus on the rhythm of his breathing, in and out, trying to match mine to his, hoping the distraction will calm me down.
My mind starts to wander back to bad places. I remember lying alone in that cold bed at King’s house, my body bruised and wrung dry, dreaming about escaping into the woods. I used to imagine myself running through trees just like the ones surrounding us now, feeling the soft earth under my feet, breathing in clean air. In those fantasies, I’d run until I found safety, until I found home.
Until I found Leon.
“I feel safe with you,” I whisper into the darkness, letting the words slip out before I can stop them. To him it probably seems like such a random statement—he has no idea what I’m thinking about, where my mind’s at. My cheeks heat and I refuse to face him, even as I feel him turn toward me.
“Yeah?”
“I used to dream, back then… when I was…” I trail off, embarrassed to go on, until his hand rests gently on my upper back, urging me. “I’d have these dreams that I was running through the woods, through trees kind of like the ones here. It was always so dark and I was so scared and alone but I knew I was searching and I was so close. If only I could get to safety. Get to you.” Those last three words leave my lips in a whisper.
“Bailey...” His voice is soft. He shifts closer, his hand still warm against my back. “You made it. You’re here now. With me.”
I finally turn to face him, and even in the dim light filtering through the tent, I can see the pain in his eyes. Pain for me, for what I went through. “I know,” I breathe. “And being here, with you, is everything.”
He moves his hand to cup my face, and his thumb traces along my cheekbone. The touch is so gentle, so reverent, like he’s memorizing my skin, afraid I might disappear again.
“You’re safe,” he whispers. “I promise you’re safe.”
I press closer, closing my eyes for a moment, enjoying the way his calloused hand feels against my skin. When I open them again, we’re so close I can feel his breath on my lips. The inches between us are charged, electric, and every place our skin touches sends sparks into my veins.
He glides his hand from my face to rest in the gap between us, keeping his palm up. Without overthinking, I rest my hand in his. Our fingers intertwine slowly and somehow it feels more intimate than anything sexual we could be doing.
“Is this okay?” he asks softly.
“More than okay,” I whisper back.
We lie there facing each other, hands clasped together, and I will those memories away, instead focusing on his touch. His thumb traces gentle patterns across my knuckles, and each small movement takes my breath away.
I want more, I know that deep within me. I want to close the distance between us, want to feel his arms around me, feel his lips on my skin, his hands caressing me, quelling this growing ache I’m just starting to feel again after everything. But I’ll wait—I’ll enjoy how perfect this feels. Safe and intimate and exactly what I need.
“Leon,” I breathe out. His fingers stop moving and his body slightly tenses.
“Yeah?”
It’s right there on the tip of my tongue. All the thoughts in my mind just waiting to flow out. My body wanting to tell my brain to go to hell.
Instead, I squeeze his hand tighter.
