Page 24 of The Baxters
Fresh air, that’s what she needed. Never mind the storm outside—suddenly that was the only place she wanted to be. Where she could talk to God and clear her head. She hurried out of her room and skipped down the stairs toward the back of the house.
Brooke and Ashley were in the living room together and they both saw her at the same time. “Hey.” Ashley spoke first. “Where are you going? You need to get ready.”
“Outside. I’ll get dressed later.” Kari didn’t stop to talk. She couldn’t. Not until she had a firm grasp on the events of the day. Not until she was so excited there was no room to think about anything but Tim. She glanced over her shoulder. “I just need a minute to think.”
Out of the corner of her eye Kari saw her sisters exchange a worried look. She didn’t blame them. A littletime outside and everything would be okay. “Go get ready! I’ll be back in a bit.”
She knew exactly where she was headed. The back porch swing, the one where she always went when she needed to be alone. She sat down and slid as far back as she could. A bolt of lightning lit up the distant sky. Her hair would be a mess after this wind. Her makeup, too. But it was worth it. Her mom could touch her up later. Right now she needed this.
For the first time since she woke up that morning, Kari drew a full breath. She set the swing in motion and looked at the clouds overhead. All day she’d been seeing the storm as a sign, proof that she was making the wrong decision. But now that she was here, with the humid summer air filling her lungs, she saw things differently.
Kari loved the Indiana storms. She always had.
No, she didn’t want a tornado. But thunderstorms always made her feel closer to God. As if His majesty was so clearly on display she could do nothing but look to Him. Talk to Him. Lean into Him.
Yes, that’s what this storm was all about. God’s way of drawing her close on this, her special day.Thank You, Lord. If the storm is a sign, I’ll take it. She settled back into the swing and thought about her groom.
Then without warning another memory took shape.
The time she and Tim had made choices they both regretted.
Anxiety ran through Kari’s blood as that night played in her mind. She’d been back from New York City fortwo months, and she and Tim had been seriously dating for most of that time. That evening they had dinner in downtown Bloomington at Perry’s Pizza.
Tim teased her that she could lighten up on her eating and have a few slices—since her modeling stint was over.
“Sure.” She laughed. “For a week. The next one starts Monday.”
She settled for a salad and after dinner they had planned to get coffee. Instead Tim talked her into watching a movie at his place. The house that would soon be her home.
She shouldn’t have gone. They both knew better. In the early days of their relationship they had talked about never being at his house alone together. But that day Tim was extra flirty and Kari had felt impulsive. An hour into the movie they started kissing.
By the time they stopped, Kari was horrified at herself. More herself than Tim. They hadn’t gone all the way, but they’d come close. “How did that… how did it happen?” She was still breathless as she turned to Tim.
“I’m sorry.” He slid back, as if he wanted to distance himself from her. “It’s my fault.”
“No.” Kari shook her head. “It was me, too.” But there was truth to what Tim had said. Even if Kari didn’t want to assign blame.
With Ryan, Kari had felt tempted more times than she could remember. But always Ryan found a way to keep them safe. He put up boundaries so they wouldn’t do something they’d both regret.
That night at Tim’s house, Kari felt a fear she’d never known with Ryan. A vulnerability. Like anything could happen, and if she wasn’t careful she could become a single mother. Like Ashley.
When Tim realized how upset she was, he led her to the dining room, where he sat at the table across from her. He reached over and held her hands. “Kari, this won’t happen again. I promise you.”
“You have to mean it.” Kari didn’t trust Tim. Not in this area. After all, he was the one who had talked her into the movie. At his house. Alone.
That’s when Tim said something that stayed with her, the reason this memory surfaced here and now. He looked intently at her. “After what we just did… it’s a good thing I’m going to marry you someday.”
At first Kari didn’t track with him. “How is that good?”
“I mean… we’re going to get married, anyway.” Tim smiled at her, as if his logic gave them both a pass. “You wouldn’t have let it go so far if you didn’t want to marry me.”
“Tim!” Kari wasn’t sure whether to laugh or yell at him. “You’re saying tonight was my fault? That’s ridiculous.”
“No.” He was on his feet and around the table to her side in a matter of seconds. “Baby, no. Not at all. It was my fault.” He took the seat beside her and cradled her face in his hands. “All I’m saying is… you love me more than you’ve ever loved anyone else. That’s why things got out of hand.”
Kari stared at the table. “I don’t know.”
And then Tim asked her something. “You… you’ve never done that before.” He hesitated. “Right, Kari?”
