Page 7 of Her Rogue for Christmas
She stiffened again.“I ceased being that girl you knew when I married Lord Dryden.”She turned back to him, her gaze steely.“That girl had to grow up, faster than she’d have liked.Life isn’t a fairy tale—not the sort with a happy ending.The ones that have the harsher endings and diabolical evil—that’s what I’ve had in my life.That’s the life I’ve had.”
He shook his head.“I wish?—”
“Wishing never helped anyone.”Her voice was so cold it was like ice on his skin.He suppressed a shiver.“Don’t offer me platitudes.I survived.That is enough.”
“Is it?”he asked, raising a brow.“Because there is more to life than merely surviving.”
She stepped closer to the table, and Theo rose to his feet.She was achingly beautiful, and he wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms, to soothe away the hurt he saw lingering in her eyes.But he knew some wounds were too deep to be so easily healed.
“I would not be here if I had not learned to survive,” she said evenly.“I’m grateful for the strength I found.I am sorry you do not seem to appreciate the woman I am today.But I cannot change.Not even for you.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”Theo said, his voice gentle.He didn’t want to change her; he only wanted to care for her, to love her.“I never asked?—”
“You did not need to.”She met his gaze without wavering.“I can see what you want from me.But I can’t be that person for you.I can’t be anything for anyone.”
Theo swallowed hard.He had not anticipated how difficult this would be.He had thought he could simply tell her he loved her, and all would be well.That they would reclaim the love they had promised each other long ago.Now he saw how naive that hope had been.
“You deserve more than the life you have had,” he said, his tone soft.“I may not be what you want anymore, but you are still the woman I gave my heart to.Even if you no longer believe that.”
With those words, he turned and left the room.Theo needed time alone to gather his thoughts.This was his last chance to win her heart, and he couldn’t fail.He simply couldn’t.
Five
Theo strolled into the library, though he wasn’t entirely certain why he’d bothered.It wasn’t as if reading would help settle the tumultuous thoughts and emotions that tore through him.He had come to the house party with one purpose, and that very purpose had spurned him without allowing him the chance to express his desires.Perhaps it was selfish of him, wanting her so deeply and expecting her to welcome him back with open arms.She’d been through something harrowing, and he had no rights where she was concerned, even if he wished he did.
He stared at the shelves, but none of the tomes came into focus.They blurred before his eyes, as ephemeral as his chances of winning Elena’s heart once more.Maybe he should leave her be.She hadn’t been pleased to see him, after all.Did he even have the right to unsettle her life like this?To him, she would always be perfect.He knew he had to treat her as a precious gift, for loving someone meant putting their needs first, above his own selfish desires.
“I’ve been searching for you,” Lord Savorton said, pulling Theo from his brooding thoughts.
Theo turned to meet the marquess’s gaze.“Have you?And for what purpose?”He wasn’t certain he wished to know why Savorton had sought him out.He’d been too engrossed in his own self loathing and failure where Elena was concerned.
Savorton leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, studying him.He was silent for a moment, as if weighing his words.Theo had come to know him well enough over the past few months with their business dealings.Though they hadn’t had much opportunity to socialize in previously, he knew Savorton and Elena had always been close.She’d spoken fondly of him before, and he could see that her loyalty was reciprocated by the marquess.If only Elena had that much faith in Theo.He’d truly be a fortunate man then.
Savorton sighed.“You’re not leaving.”
How had even known that Theo was considering doing just that?“I didn’t plan to.”He gave the marquess a wry smile.He hadn’t planned on leaving.At least not until morning.“It’s too late to depart and I would rather not travel the roads at this late hour.”
The marquess shook his head.“I didn’t mean immediately.”He moved further into the room, a serious expression settling over his features.“One inconsequential card game and you’re ready to walk away.Was your love so fragile that it can’t withstand a little strain?”
Theo clenched his jaw, fighting the urge to deliver a sharp retort.The implication that his love for Elena was anything but genuine stung.“I can’t make her love me.”He clenched his fingers into his fast at his side.He wanted to strike that too pretty face of the marquess and make Savorton feel the pain that spread over him.
“Then it’s fortunate that you don’t need to.”Savorton’s gaze was piercing.He shook his head as if he couldn’t believe how stupid Theo was acting.“She already loves you.Her feelings are not the issue.It’s her fear of what that love could mean that you must contend with.”
Theo closed his eyes, breathing deeply.He wanted to believe him.“You make it sound so simple,” he murmured.It was anything but that…
“Because it is,” he told him.“Oh I don’t think it will be easy.”He kept his gaze on Theo as he spoke.“Simple and easy are vastly different things,” Savorton replied.“The question is how far you’ll go to make her trust in your love again, to help her see that what you offer isn’t a threat but a promise.She wants you.Elena has always wanted you.But her marriage to that brute has damaged her faith in love itself.It’s up to you to restore it.”
He knew that Savorton was correct.Theo had always known that.But he also didn’t want to make Elena feel as if she had to choose him.All he wanted was her to find happiness again.He swallowed hard—even if that happiness did not include him.“I won’t leave her.”
“Good,” Savorton said, satisfaction evident in his tone.“And I’m here to help however I can.She won’t thank me for my interference, and she’ll be difficult, but that’s a part of her strength.Elena hasn’t survived this long without being fierce.”
Theo smiled, feeling a tinge of warmth at the marquess’s loyalty to her.“That’s one of the many things I adore about her.She’s stronger than she knows.”
Savorton nodded, his tone softening.“True, but she’s also more fragile than she lets on.I won’t allow her to be hurt again.I believe you’re what she needs, that she has always loved you.She has always loved you and it’s time she remembered that she needs you, and the comfort she can only find with you in her life.”
Theo prayed that was true.He dreamed of a life together, one filled with love, trust, and devotion.Every part of him belonged to Elena.He met Savorton’s steady gaze.“I promise I’ll do whatever it takes to protect her.I don’t know if we’ll find our way back to each other, but she is my priority.I won’t ruin the peace she’s gained since Dryden’s death.”
Savorton nodded.“Then that is enough.I’ll leave you to ponder that, though I hope this conversation has given you clarity.”With that, the marquess turned and left the room.
