Page 18 of Separated from My Love
Chapter7
The carriage hita bump in the road and sent Genevieve flying into Trenton’s lap. She’d purposely sat on the opposite side of the carriage to avoid touching him. Though she’d desperately wanted to be by his side, she didn’t dare give into the urge. The more time she spent in his company the harder she found it to resist him. With every word and glance he threw her way she was reminded of how much shelovedhim.
It wasn’t hard to recall why she’d fallen for him in the first place. He looked dapper in his borrowed clothes from the duke, and she’d been unable to stop herself from sneaking glances at him. The clothing fit him surprisingly well, but the sleeves of his jacket were slightly short on his arms. Now it seemed that the fates had something else in mind for her. She wouldn’t be able to avoid him forever, and maybe this was the push she needed to start a much-neededconversation.
“Imagine finding you here,” Trenton joked. “Do you come hereoften?”
Genevieve wiggled in his lap and laughed nervously. “It used to be one of my favorite spots in theworld.”
She was tired of fighting her desires against her insecurities. It was time to explore what she wanted and decide later if it was a mistake or not. Her attraction to Trenton wasn’t something she’d ever been able toresist.
His smile dimmed. “If I couldchange…”
She shook her head and held a finger to his lips. “Some things can’t be. We have to let go and move on. I’ve been trying to do that for some time now. It wasn’t until you showed up that I realized I’ve been fighting a losingbattle.”
In some ways, she’d always known it was ridiculous to resist what she felt for this man. He’d held her heart for so long… They had a lot to work through, and it was still unclear if they had what it took to last. Perhaps she should admit she’d at least like to try, but she still wasn’t ready tovoiceit.
“You’re right,” he agreed. “Where do we gofromhere?”
For so long, she’d been going through the motions of life. If she allowed herself to hope… What if, in the end, he’d not come for her? Where would that have left her? That was too much for her to bear. So she’d closed off all her emotions and threw herself into caring for Sebastian. Brandon had been nice to her in his own way. He was a gruff person in general, but he’d never been intentionally meantoher.
Her outburst about their upcoming wedding had been a ruse from the moment it had left her lips. The duke had gone along with it because he’d realized she’d needed that crutch. Before she left, she’d thanked him for everything he’d done for her and made sure he hadn’t actually planned a wedding. He’d been his usual stoic self and said if she ever needed his help he’d be there for her. That was what friends did for each other. A part of her would miss him, but the other part was anxious to return home. A lot could be said for plumbing and hotshowers.
None of that mattered if she couldn’t come to terms with her feelings for Trenton. He’d held her heart for so long, and now she wasn’t so sure she should allow him to have it. She’d always love him, and the idea of not having him in her life didn’t sit well with her. They had to talk about what was holding them apart. She supposed it was up to her to begin since she’d been pushing him away since he arrived. With a deep breath, she prepared herself for something that might provepainful.
“That night on the cliff,” she began. “It’s a little fuzzy for me, but I remember you there. I could see you staring down at me asIfell.”
He nodded and swallowed. “I’ve never felt so helpless inmylife.”
“Try freefalling to what you believe to be a certain death,” she attempted to joke. “Too soon?” She raised a brow questioningly when he stared at her insilence.
“I won’t ever take the possibility of you dying lightly.” He lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles. “I’m sorry I gave up so soon on finding you. I honestly didn’t have a clue as to where to start. Most people thought I was crazy. It wasn’t until Alys disappeared that I realized that I might be able to find you. The path wasn’t always clear, and wasn’t even remotely easy, but I’m here. If I could have come sooner…” He lifted his hand to her cheek and brushed a tear away she hadn’t realized was there. “Can you everforgiveme?”
How to answer that? Could she? Was there even anything to forgive him for? She’d disappeared—in his place she might have done the same thing. What normal person would believe in time travel or the possibility of chasing the love of their life to a different century? That was what their life had been reduced to. It was one hell of a long-distance love affair. God, she’d missed him, and she was tired of fightingherself.
“I can’tdothat.”
Trenton pulled back and let his head hit the back of the coach. He closed his eyes tight and took a deep breath. His golden-brown hair glistened in the sunlight, streaming through the carriage window. It was a nice summer morning and the heat hadn’t gotten out of hand yet. Genevieve lifted her hand up and caressed his cheek. His eyelids fluttered open and he methergaze.
“I understand,” he said. “When we get home, I’ll keep mydistance.”
He reached underneath her and set her on the seat next to him and then climbed over to the other side. She wasn’t sure what had happened. He must’ve misunderstood. Why didn’t she clarify what she meant? Hurting him had been the last thing on her mind, and somehow she’d still managed to do that. She had to make things right. The yo-yo romance they had going on was too muchtobear.
“There is nothing to forgive you for,” she said. “I don’t blame you for moving on with your life. I couldn’t in all honesty expect you to stop living. What if we never saw each other again? Would you have remained single until the day you died?” She raised a brow. “I hope not. I want you to behappy.”
“Not that I’m complaining,” he replied. “But what changed? You were hell-bent on denying me anything, especially happiness, when I first arrived. You even made it clear to me you planned on marryingBranterbery.”
There was no easy answer to his question. She’d never truly wished him ill, but it was gut-wrenching to see him at first. Her reactions were more of a flight or fight type of response. She couldn’t flee and show any kind of weakness, so she’d gone on the attack. He’d bared the brunt of that assault. It was not something she wasproudof.
“I’ve never wanted anything to happen to you,” she said. “I apologize if I ever made you believe that. Marrying Brandon…” She paused and considered her words carefully. “He is a good man, and I think he’d have tried to make me happy, but he doesn’t love me or I him. He had asked me, but I’d refused before you arrived. That marriage wasn’t meant to happen, and it was wrong of me to say it would.” She blew out a breath and admitted, “I’m human, and I make mistakes as much as the next person. I’ve had to survive, and I’ve lost so much. It’s hard to recognize who I am anymore. Knowing that, it should be easier for me to let things go and forgive, but that isn’t as simple as it sounds. It’s hard to let go of feelings I’ve been holding on for too long. It might take me a while to fully adjust and let themallgo.”
Being held hostage and not having any friends, family, or even strangers to lean on… She’d been thrust into the past without an anchor. Immediately upon arrival she’d been thrown into chaos, and it had taken every ounce of her will to survive. It was hard to let go of feeling alone in the world. Even with Trenton sitting directly across from her, isolation wrapped its cold sheatharoundher.
He leaned forward on the seat and stared into her eyes. “I know who you are. If you ever need a reminder, ask me and I’ll tell you.” He reached for her hand and pulled it into his. “You’re the woman who’s always owned my heart—the strongest, bravest, and most awe-inspiring person I’ve ever met, and all I can do is hope one day you’ll love me as much as I’ve alwayslovedyou.”
He said the sweetest things… “I don’t know whattosay.”
“You don’t have to say anything.” He smiled. “It’s enough that I found you and you’re coming home with me. The rest will work itself out when it’ssupposedto.”
