Page 84 of Big Nick Energy
‘Sean.’ Sean has already engaged in a lot of alcohol this evening it would seem, given the way that he seems to be leaning at strange angles against a wall that doesn’t appear to be there. ‘Wow, you look… great.’
‘That’s very kind. You look…’
‘Exactly the same.’ All this time has passed and he still hasn’t updated his schoolboy haircut. Interesting. I’m going to predict that he works in the Middle East, isn’t attached and drives a Tesla. ‘How are you?’
‘Well, you know…working out in Dubai now, having the time of my life…’ Bingo. ‘Good to be back in ol’ Blighty for Chrimbo though.’ I forgot he’s also incredibly posh. And short. Or maybe I’ve grown. ‘God, when Nicky told me you were back on the scene, I was gobsmacked. I never thought we’d see you again,’ he says, in loud, brash tones.
‘I am just as surprised,’ I say. Seriously, where is the alcohol in this place?
‘I mean, after everything that happened, I didn’t think he’d move on that quickly.’
Hold that thought, Sean. I stand there, Nick in the corner of my eye as he’s still chatting to Sally who taught him the oboe. ‘Move on?’
‘You know? From Neve?’
I reach round to the kitchen and grab a glass and half a bottle of champagne. It’s time to drink. I top up Sean’s glass.
‘Rumour was her parents dropped thirty grand on that wedding.’
Wedding. The air sticks in my throat. Short sips, Kay. That will mean I don’t miss any of the details. I still keep Nick in my line of sight.
‘That’s a lot of money,’ I say.
‘Yeah, especially when the bride doesn’t turn up,’ he whispers loudly. I take another sip of champagne. Maybe I should just drink straight from the bottle. ‘He was broken, you know? I tried to get him out to Dubai for a change of scene but I think he stayed in London to pine. I still can’t believe they work for the same company.’ And an image suddenly jolts into my head of an icy blonde who looked me up and down at the entrance of the Natural History Museum. A girl who was rude to the staff and who didn’t seem particularly happy to see me. I knew at the ballet that I’d seen her somewhere before. And she was so incredibly cold and dismissive there. The way Nick was so aggressively rude about her. ‘But you know she’s always had that effect on him, he followed her to New York all those years ago, like a bloody puppy.’
Oh dear.Maybe now’s the time to get real, to think about working on ourselves.Those words echo in my head from the time we first broke up. None of that was true, was it? There was someone else. And if he went out to New York to be with her then that means for the last eight years, she’s been a fixture in his life. I really am some special sort of idiot.
‘I can’t believe they’d been together for all that time,’ I say. I can’t believe I’m still able to stand here and hold this conversation so calmly.
‘Right? So when I saw those pictures on social media of you and him together, I thought, OK, my boy is finally growing a pair and getting over that bitch.’
‘Pictures?’ I ask.
‘Yah, there was one which was WOW, I can’t believe he’s saying that.’ He gets out his phone to show me a Facebookphoto from a few weeks back at the ballet. It’s the first time I’m seeing it, maybe because I don’t do social media too regularly but also because he’s not tagged me. It’s a photo of me outside the building, walking away. The caption below reads:An old love in a new tradition xIt’s not wholly inaccurate except we’ve not really used the word love around each other. ‘He proposed to her at the ballet. In New York. It was on her birthday in January, a couple of years ago.’
All of the realisations start to settle like a thick dusting of snow, the music and chatter from the party fades into silence, and I let out a resigned and strangely calm exhalation. ‘Which makes her birthstone garnet, yes?’
‘I guess. I’m not really into that shit. I’m a Taurus if that matters?’
‘N&N,’ I mutter under my breath.
‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’
‘Thank you, Sean,’ I say.
I glance over into the kitchen and see Nick standing there, still chatting. He catches my eye for a second and we exchange a look.Yes, you are good looking, there is charm and attraction there, but now its effects are almost vanishing, a mist is clearing.
You OK?he mouths.
The thing is I think I am. Despite the revelation that’s been put at my door in the last five minutes, I feel weirdly calm and am strangely relieved. No wonder there was hesitation all along, because on paper this was lovely, but deep down I knew that it didn’t work out the first time for good reason. Shame on me, I guess, for romanticising any of it, for shifting my focus to what worked as opposed to what didn’t, for believing any of what that naïve young twentysomething of me felt for this man.
‘And so I turned down Riyadh, I may do Bahrain next. Everyone is going to Singapore but who knows?’
I turn to Sean who’s still talking. I don’t think I asked, babe, but I smile politely.
‘Exactly. Sean, could you be a doll and get me one of those mini quiche things? I need something to soak up the alcohol.’
‘Right-o,’ he says.
