Page 21 of Big Nick Energy
It’s been a while since I went on a date and I’m not sure how they are supposed to pan out, but I think it’s common to spend time with said date.
It all started very well. Nick and I walked around and took lovely selfies with the lights and skeletons. I followed a waiter around until I’d had my fill of Yorkshire puddings and beef, a few crispy prawns and smoked salmon blinis and, well, the champagne did go down well because I’ve had three glasses and am now cradling a very beautifully spiced winter negroni. It was the mingling that was the killer. Pretending I knew Roger was fun but every other meeting and conversation has been less so. There were a lot of balding men talking about finance, the size of fish they’d once caught and their holiday homes. I played along to start with but there’s only so many marlin and mountain lodges in Switzerland you can hear about before realising a lot of people in this room are absolute asshats.
Where are you? I’m stood next to a very big rock.
I look down at my phone, at a message I sent an hour ago. It’s not particularly sexy, which is why he’s likely not replied, but it hasn’t even been read. I’m not sure what to do now. All I did was go to the toilet and I took a bit longer because I am wearing a jumpsuit but when I went back to the spot where we were standing, he was no longer there. Or maybe I went back to the wrong group of greying old men. Since then, I’ve walked around on my own trying to track Nick down, trying to work out if I’ve been dumped by someone who possibly hasn’t changed much at all. If so, then that sucks. What if he’s so knee deep in financiers, he hasn’t noticed I’m not by his side? What if he left with someone else? What if he’s hurt? Oh God, he could be passed out in the gents. Or mugged. Maybe I should check before I think the worst, of the situation and of him. I head over to the darkened corridor and hover by the door to the gents. Do I shout in? Maybe I should try and look for him as the door swings open and closed.
‘Ummm, are you OK?’ a man asks me as I stand there, slightly bent over, peering inside. I look up. He’s got particularly curly hair and is wearing a red velvet tuxedo jacket and Vans on his feet. I feel an immediate affinity to him.
‘I was looking for someone. I’ve kind of lost my date,’ I say.
‘I can check for you. What’s his name?’
‘Nick.’
He swings the door open and heads inside and I hear his voice shout out. ‘Is there a Nick in here? Nick? Nick? Your date is waiting outside.’ I’m impressed that he’s doing such a thorough job of this. I wait a couple of minutes before he reappears. ‘I’ll take it that he didn’t make an appearance?’
I shake my head. ‘Thank you for checking.’
‘I checked the stalls, no feet. Unless he’s hiding, which would be weird,’ he says. He notices the concern in my face. ‘Have you called him?’
I twist my phone in my hand. ‘Yeah.’
He grimaces as he tries to figure out what that means. ‘Then what an absolute fucker if you ask me. Are you OK?’ I hold up my negroni. I don’t know who you are, curly haired stranger, but I have alcohol so I’m fine. I’ll just leave here and spend the rest of my evening kicking myself for being so stupid and investing my time in that man again. I’ll also take a few more canapés for the ride.
‘I’m Jasper.’
‘Kay.’
‘You’re not in finance are you?’ he asks, scanning down to my heels.
‘No, is it obvious?’
‘No, it’s a bloody relief, that’s all. Come…’
He starts to walk, beckoning me to follow as he turns down another corridor by the gents to a group of people propped up by a display of ammonites. They’ve set themselves up with bottles of champagne and a platter of assorted canapés, sitting on assorted tables that have been dumped there.
‘Troops, this is Kay. Some financier wanker has abandoned her so she is now in our party.’ I turn to him, glad to have been adopted so immediately. ‘We are IT… Frank, Leo and Leo’s wife, Maggie.’ They all put their hands up in turn as Maggie pats a table space next to hers. ‘We don’t bite. Come, join our little shindig!’ She is warmly drunk in her sparkly blue dress which I recognise instantly as last season’s H&M.
‘Say that again? Someone left you at the party?’ Frank asks me.
‘Yeah,’ I admit, slightly ashamed.
‘It’s cool. Nick, you say?’ Jasper says. ‘You’re with the right people. I can shut down his computer Monday, upload a virus or something, pour a can of Coke in his hard drive.’
‘We have our ways and means,’ Leo says, winking at me.
‘So is this a long-term boyfriend? First date?’ Maggie asks me.
‘He’s just someone I used to date and bumped into and I thought I’d give it a second go. But it’s been a strange evening… I guess I’m a different breed to the people swanning around that room.’
‘So, normal then?’ Maggie says, and they all cheer, raising their glasses. And then downing their glasses. I agree, this is normal. The drinking but also the joy. From walking around out there, the joy really seemed to be missing from this so-called party.
‘Oooh! LUGE!’ Jasper suddenly shouts out, holding his empty glass aloft.
‘Jasper, no,’ Maggie says.
‘Maggie, yes.’ He steps aside and I see it glistening in the shadows.
