Page 86 of Big Nick Energy
‘Yeah.’
We don’t have to say the words because we know. This isn’t it. As much as we try and force and fold it into an ideal of what we think a relationship should look like, there’s no spark or at least we’re trying far too hard to make one appear out of nowhere when that star burnt out a while ago.
‘Wasn’t it fun though?’ I say, trying to make a joke out of all of this.
I see a glimmer of a smile. ‘Very fun. I’ve said this before but maybe you came into my life at just the right time.’
‘Really?’ I say, surprised.
‘To maybe remind me of what a good person should look like. How I could and should be with someone who’s kind andhilarious and warm. You asked me what I remembered about you, Kay Redman, and what I did remember was that you were far too good for me.’
My face freezes with emotion and I put my hand on top of his, squeezing it tightly. ‘I’ll be honest, a lot of what I’ve heard in the past hour hasn’t portrayed you in the greatest of lights but Nick Coles, you deserve someone good at least. Someone who dumps you at the altar after almost ten years of a relationship is not a good person.’
He pauses for a moment. ‘We didn’t get together before New York, you know? It was about five years ago.’
I look at him suspiciously. ‘Hun, the maths is irrelevant.’ I almost laugh. ‘But I don’t think I’m angry, I think it all makes a bit more sense now.’ I think about how the sum of all those romantic dates wasn’t love. ‘You did lie about the pendant though,’ I say.
‘You guessed?’ he asks, surprised at my own levels of intuition.
‘I saw the gift card.’ I reach into my pocket and retrieve the box. I’m not sure why but as I left I thought I might steal it, save this man from himself. Helen’s birthday is in six weeks, she’d love it.
He looks down at the box. ‘A mutual friend was here tonight, I was going to see if she would pass it on.’
‘Nick…’
‘Yes?’
‘No.’
He looks at me, scowling at my abruptness. ‘But what if there’s a chance…?’
‘No.’
‘I love?—’
I put a finger to his lips. ‘I don’t think that’s what love should look like, Nick. And what about having some self-respect, acceptance? I don’t know…’
A look of pain creeps across his face and I instantly feel bad. I guess in the greater scheme of things, it’s been six months since it happened. Perhaps it is still too fresh to move on, to understand anything with much clarity when your heart has been broken in that way. ‘Instead of acting lovelorn and desperate?’
‘Your words, not mine. Using me to make her jealous,’ I scoff. ‘Do you think it worked?’
He shrugs his shoulders. ‘She was pretty angry at the museum.’
‘Then I’m glad your plan almost worked,’ I say.
He sits there fiddling with his hands, unsure what to say. ‘I have to say, it wasn’t all a sham. It has been nice to see you again, to be in your company, to have you re-enter my orbit.’
‘That would imply you’re a planet.’
‘And maybe you’re a shooting star, a ray of light.’
I pause to hear the light comment. ‘Does that make Neve an asteroid?’ I ask. ‘Causing catastrophic damage?’ He sighs and nods at the comparison. ‘Just remember, planets recover from those though. But it will take time. Is this why your parents were a bit weird with me then?’
Now this is intuition. ‘Oh, we’ve had words, don’t worry. Mum loved Neve like a daughter so it was always going to take a while for her to get over losing her. I think my dad quite liked you though. He remembers you as the one with the hair. I think he didn’t want you to get caught up in the aftermath. I think he sensed I wasn’t over Neve. Which is fair…’
‘And why I always liked your dad.’
He laughs. We sit there for a moment to absorb the silence. Despite my eventful interruptions, the party continuesto simmer, the faint jingle of Nat King Cole winds its way up the stairs. I reach over and take a canapé. Why is it that I only eat canapés at weddings and Christmas? I feel I need to turn little toasts with brie and cranberry and teeny tiny spring rolls into my everyday. I offer him a spring roll and he bites it out of my hands.
