Page 48 of The Duke's Indecent Match
“And what is so wrong with that?”Christian’s horse was also becoming agitated, as was he.Exasperation hung in the air around him, marring the beauty of the blue sky above him.“You’ll have a wife who meets the vast majority of your requirements.You know that the rest of us will support you and your sisters when they make their come-outs.Lady Astrid and Tiffany would both be happy to guide them.I think the only reason you are upset is because you set your mind against her for some reason, even though you wanted her, and the only reason you are upset now is because you did not get to hem and haw before changing your mind and choosing her.”
“Yes!Exactly!”Nathanial knew he was shouting, but at this point, he did not care.Caspian was dancing beneath him, and only the fact that he was an excellent rider allowed him to keep his seat.“I did not get to choose her.I had one choice left in my life, one place where I was onlypartiallyboxed in, where I had some say in how my life was going to go.You do not think it important because youhavechoices.You do not have to marry this Season if you do not want to.You do not have to do anything you do not want to do.”
Christian’s mouth dropped open in shock or perhaps to say something, but it did not matter.Nathanial was speaking too quickly, too loudly, to be stopped.
“If you want to rut your way through London’s actresses while pretending you’re searching for a bride and ending the Season without one, you can.No one will even be disappointed in you because your father is no longer around to see you doing the opposite of what he wanted.We both know you were not going to propose to Miss Little, and it is not because you were concerned over my feelings for her.It is because then you would actually be fulfilling your duties and doing what your father wanted.And you will not do that, even though the man is in the grave and will have no idea that you have finally lived up to just one of his expectations.”
Panting, Nathanial had finally run out of breath.Christian stared at him, paler than he had ever seen the other man, his eyes wide and wild.He looked as if he was in pain.
Which was exactly how Nathanial felt.
Though he also knew he had gone too far.
His tongue flicked out, wetting his lips.
“Christian—”
It was too late.Christian had already whirled his horse’s head around, and now he was the one galloping away from Nathanial.Running away from the truths he had not wanted to face and which Nathanial had not meant to throw at him.Closing his eyes, Nathanial took in a deep breath.
He wished Christian had not followed him out here.
But it was too late.
Too late for so many things.
Letting out the breath, Nathanial gave himself a little shake.Then he turned Caspian’s head in the opposite direction from where Christian had gone.
He was alone.
Just like he wanted.
Giving the gelding his head again, Nathanial let the world rush by him in a blur of green and brown and yellow.The sun beat down on him, but with the wind in his face, he did not feel the heat.
By the time he turned around and headed back toward the manor, he was feeling marginally better.Part of him wanted to find Christian and apologize… but he was also aware of the apology owed to himself.No, he should not have said what he’d said, but he also would have never said it if Christian had not pushed him so far.If he had not felt as though Christian was taking Miss Little’s side over his.
Still.
He would apologize.
Now that the bitter edge of rage had been taken off, he mostly felt tired.He did not want to be quarreling with one of his friends in addition to everything else.
“Nathanial!”Christian’s voice came from behind him, and Nathanial pulled Caspian up, half turning in the saddle.
Cantering up behind him was Christian, smiling widely, as he always did.
“How was your ride?”Christian asked as he drew level, slowing his horse to a walk.He spoke again before Nathanial could answer, as if he had not just asked a question, his demeanor aggressively cheerful.“I found a lovely little field filled with bluebells.We should arrange an excursion there tomorrow if we have the time.”
Ah, so it was going to be like that.Nathanial heaved an inner sigh.How very like Christian to ride off, then return, acting as though nothing had happened.It made everything much easier, yet harder, too.Part of him also wanted to ignore the necessary apology and just carry on.
“I have a feeling I will be busy,” Nathanial replied dryly.“Perhaps after I leave, you can lead the charge.”
“Tomorrow?”Christian raised his eyebrow in question.“Thatisquick.”
Nathanial shrugged.
“No sense in waiting.”And he wanted to get it over with.The more it dragged out, the harder it was going to be to keep his temper under control.He’d told Christian that his choices had been taken from him, but the truth was they’d narrowed again to a single choice—when he was to wed.
He wanted to get it done with, then he would have more choices again once he was married.
