Page 47 of Isn't It Obvious?
“We’re sworn enemies?” he asks.
“Most of the time,” Yael says, not moving a millimeter.
The server returns to wordlessly deposit a plate between them of the two largest pancakes Ravi has ever seen, leaving before they can finish saying their thanks.
“It felt like we were on the same side tonight,” he says, watching her cut a questionably large section of the stack, hold it over the rest of the pancakes, and drizzle syrup directly onto it.
“We were. That’s why we’re breaking bread,” she says, and stuffs the entire chunk into her mouth.
They eat in silence for a bit, passing the syrup dispenser back and forth, each taking swipes of the pat of butter. Ravi had been a little worried when they came out that it’d be a quantity over quality thing, but the pancakes are spongey-soft and a little tangy from buttermilk, and he understands why Yael had been so eager to make the stop.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Depends on what it is,” Yael says.
“Why did you start the club?”
Yael hums out a note of consideration. “I wish I’d had it,” she says.
RAVI LOOKS ATher for a beat, then nods. Like he expected more.
It’s not that she was being dishonest—she wasn’t. Of course that’s why she did it. But it’s also the shortest possible answer, the absolute least she could give him, and clearly, he knows that.
She takes a deep breath, leaning back against the wall of the booth. Her legs slide forward a bit, and though they aren’t touching, she swears she can feel the heat of Ravi’s bracketing hers. Neither of them moves away. Neither wants to be the first to do so.
“I went to Kennedy as a student,” she says. “It was different then. Not just the building, which I’m sure you can tell is very new. But it was way whiter—all of Portland was way whiter, if you can imagine, and the schools on the west side of the city even more so. And the cool thing was to be a capital-A ally, unless you were on, like, lacrosse, but not necessarily to beactuallyqueer. There were three gay guys out between my grade and the one above me, and two of them were dating each other. And one girl was out as a lesbian, and there was one trans guy, though I think a lot of people thought he was just really butch at first, because he took a while to pick a new name. I was out really early, but people sort of acted like I wasn’t. When we were readingFathers and Sonsjunior year, my English teacher did this whole thing where he’d point at someone and talk about the hypotheticalrebellion they’d choose to piss off their parents. He pointed at me and said, ‘Yael’s going to go home and tell her parents she’s bisexual, just to be contrary,’ having no idea. I think that basically sums up people’s attitudes toward it.”
Yael traces the rim of her coffee mug, watching her finger as it goes, and when she looks up, Ravi is watching her carefully, a crease between his brows. He’s looking at her like he wants to understand. And maybe it’s the late hour or the gratitude for what he did for Leo, but Yael realizes she desperately wants him to understand her, too.
“I recognize that I probably attract a specific subset of the student body, but with these teenagers, nobody seems to think that anyone is bisexual for attention or that they/them pronouns are confusing, or that it matters if today you feel comfortable in one label and in a month something else fits you better. The kids are alright, at least here, but that doesn’t mean all their parents are. Or that parts of our government aren’t trying to legislate them out of existence.
“And I… It’s hard, to be pushing thirty and working at the high school I went to. When it was the only opening in the city, I convinced myself it would be okay, I could treat it as a totally new chapter, but I can’t. Not unless I do something to change it. So, I guess that’s a very long way to say that it’s healing for me, and I want it to be a safe space for them.”
Ravi nods slowly, fiddling with the handle of his mug. His lips stretch into a small, satisfied smile. This look offinally, like he’s been waiting for her to say all this, somehow. “Well,” he says. “You’ve done a wonderful job.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
That small smile becomes a grin.
It makes her ache, a little. He really is what some would describe asdevastatinglyhandsome. Devastating that she can’t run her fingertips over his cheekbones and the slope of his noselike she wants to. That she can’t trace the line of his jaw with her tongue. That part of her wishes she had met him first, just for the slim chance that she would have gotten to, for one night, even if it meant he’d have snuck out of a different window and left Charlie with the loyal, righteous grudge.
“Depends on what it is,” he says.
“Why didn’t you quit?” she asks. “Once you knew it was me.”
He hums, considering. “At first, stubbornness,” he says. “I wanted to volunteer for a lot of the same reasons you wanted to start the club, and then I wanted to stay to… I don’t know. Prove to you I wasn’t an asshole. Prove to myself.” He swallows, and she watches his Adam’s apple lift and lower, how he rolls his lips together in the pause.Devastating.“And when I started to think it wasn’t worth it”—Yael winces—“I stayed because of Leo.”
“I don’t think you’reonlyan asshole,” Yael says softly.
“That,” Ravi says, “is the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
She barks out a laugh. “You need new friends, then.”
“That’s probably true,” he says, tilting his chin up a little as he assesses her. “Too bad you hate me.”
Now Yael swallows, trying to keep her voice steady. Trying not to stare at his lips, at his throat. “A shame,” she says.
Ravi’s eyelids lower slowly as his gaze sweeps over her, not even bothering to hide it. Goose bumps rise across her skin again, and the fleeting moment he looks at her chest is enough for her nipples to tighten so much that the cotton skimming them as she inhales is almost painful. “Truly,” he says.
