Page 82 of Backslide
18BOTHBACK IN THE DAY
That was then. But then was not so simple either.
Thenis when Nellie realizes she has missed her period.
Just as she’s having doubts about her future with Noah in New York and weighing her options, she realizes there may be yet another unexpected glitch in the plan. In all of the plans, actually.
Because she is alone in her family apartment, her brother finally away at school, her parents on a trip upstate with friends, when realization sets in.
She dials Cara’s number. Hangs up before anyone answers. With Cara, she is in for a lecture.
Why wasn’t she careful? Is she crazy?
She dials Sabrina’s number. But Sabrina has been busy lately. Busy with her new friends.
When Sab answers, she is breathless and a tangle of strange voices crisscrosses in the background. “Hey! Just heading out the door to this opening in SoHo. What’s up?”
“Nothing,” Nellie says. “It’s not important.”
“Okay, cool. We’re late, so I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? Miss you!”
“Yeah, totally,” Nellie says, trying to disguise the wobble in her voice. “Have fun tonight!”
She goes to dial Noah. But she realizes she’s not ready.
So, instead, she throws on a navy-blue, oversized Champion pullover, grabs her keys from the cluttered tray by the front door, and walks to Duane Reade alone. Swallowed whole by her sweatshirt with her hands pulled inside her sleeves, she makes her way to the correct aisle at the pharmacy. Eyes the pregnancy tests with trepidation. Pluses and minuses circle in her head like unsolved equations. Like so many SAT questions.
Only she has no clue what to do. And this is not multiple choice.
“That one’s pretty good,” says an employee who is restocking nearby, a young woman with her dark hair pulled back. Her name tag reads DEBBIEand there is kindness in her eyes. “At least, it worked for me. It’s easy to read. But get two, just to be sure.”
But what does it mean for them to work, thinks Nellie. And she wonders, as she says thank you, what answer this woman got when she took her tests—and if now she’s working this shift for diaper money.
Nellie buys green Tic Tacs at the counter, not because she wants them but because she wants to buy something besides this radioactive purchase. To somehow defuse the shame of the pregnancy tests sitting threateningly on the counter.
Then she walks home, clutching the white plastic bag to her belly, a wintergreen mint on her tongue.
She hovers over the toilet, pees on the stick.
The test is positive. The girl was right. Itiseasy to read.
Nellie bursts into tears, the kind of heavy sobs that are reserved for being alone. They subside just as fast.
A thunderstorm in summer.
She takes a deep breath, knowing what she must do. Pages Noah. He calls her back.
“I need to talk to you,” she says between shudders.
He is distracted. She can hear music in the background. Is everyone out living their lives except for her?
“Hang on,” he half shouts. “Let me find somewhere quiet.”
There are muffled voices and footsteps as he finds a nook. The sigh of a door. Maybe he’s in a closet or a bathroom.
“Where are you?”
“This sick apartment on the Upper East Side. It has three floors! Remember that kid Chino? I guess his dad is some kind of diplomat.”
