Page 137 of Rah
“Sir, let us in and we can discuss that…or we can take you to the station,” Detective Jackson threatened. “Which one do you prefer?”
I pressed my lips into a thin line to keep myself from talking shit and let them in. I could hear Kahlani walking into the living room behind me. I suddenly felt like shit. Whatever was about to happen to me, I would have to just do the time. But I hated that I was about to let Kahlani down…again.
“Have a seat,” I told them.
I scooped up Trenton and sat down, sitting him on my lap. Kahlani sat beside me asking them, “What’s going on?”
“We’re here to take some DNA from you, Moses,” Detective Jackson told me.
Right then, I knew my life was over. If they wanted DNA, they were going to match it to my blood that was left all over Carlos’ living room floor. I had feared this day was coming because Rah had been so sloppy that day.
The possibility of getting caught had gnawed at me day and night. I hadn’t pulled the trigger, but I was there, and that was enough for the police.
Kahlani had stood by me even when I didn’t deserve it. That only made it worse. Every time I looked at her, I saweverything I stood to lose. The idea of being locked in a cell while she carried the weight of our life alone made me feel empty.
I’d promised her forever, promised to give her the world. Instead, I might be giving her a lifetime without me, filled with trying to hold everything together alone. The thought of leaving her, of letting her down like that, cut deeper than the bullet ever had.
But I coolly asked, “Why? What’s my DNA got to do with Carlos?”
Detective Jackson answered, “During our investigation, we found out that you are an associate of his. You were shot that day. There were two sets of DNA on the scene. We need your DNA to see if it’s a match.”
“Why would my DNA be there?”
“You were shot the same night of his murder, and you still don’t recall what happened,” Detective Strong answered. “We have a warrant for your DNA. We just need a quick swab, and we’ll be out of your way.”
“Okay.”
Kahlani put a hand on my leg and asked me, “Shouldn’t you get a lawyer first?”
There was no need for a lawyer. Either way, they would get my DNA. “Nah. It’s all good.”
Detective Strong went into his pocket, pulled out a pair of latex gloves and put them on. Then he took an envelope from his pocket, a Q-Tip from the envelope, stood, and walked towards me.
“Open your mouth, please,” he said.
I did. The entire time he swabbed my cheeks with three different Q-Tip’s, I knew that my life would be over soon. Thepolice wouldn’t care if I knew about that robbery or not. It was a rap. Game over.
“Thank you, Moses. That’s all we’ll be needing for now,” Detective Strong said, putting the swabs in the envelope.
I stood to walk them to the door. After sitting Trenton on the couch, I followed them as they strolled towards the door.
Before leaving, Detective Jackson looked back and told me, “Don’t leave the state.”
I just nodded and opened the door for them. I wanted to kick their asses for showing up and ruining my day, but it wasn’t their fault. Rah was the one that needed his ass whooped and more. As I locked the door, I felt like I should have killed that nigga when I had the chance.
As soon as the door closed, Kahlani broke. One second, she was pacing the living room, hands pulling at her hair, the next she was collapsing onto the couch with sobs coming out of her throat so hard it sounded like pain was trying to break free.
“They’re gonna take you from me.” Her whole body shook as she cried. “They won’t care that you didn’t pull the trigger or that you didn’t know what was about to happen. They don’t care about any of that! They’re gonna see your record, your skin, and that’s it! That’s all they’ll need to send you away for the rest of your life.”
I didn’t know what to say because everything she’d said was true. I dropped down beside her and pulled her into me. She hit my chest with the side of her fist like she was mad at me for being hers to lose. I wrapped her tighter, whispering, “Baby, I’m so sorry.”
Her voice was muffled as she cried into my shirt. “I can’t do life without you. I can’t raise our son alone. I can’t sleep at night knowing they locked you up forever for something Rah did. It’s not fair. It’s not fucking fair!”
I pressed my chin to the top of her head, breathing her in so that I could remember her scent at night when it wasn’t next to me anymore. My hands rubbed her back, trying to soothe her, but inside I was crumbling just as bad as she was.
I couldn’t tell her she was wrong. I couldn’t promise her that the truth would save me. I was a Black man with a record and a past they’d be too happy to make me pay for. All the consoling in the world couldn’t change the fact that I was staring down forever, and it hurt worse knowing I was breaking the heart of the only woman who had ever stood solid beside me.
I kissed the crown of her head, feeling eyes burning. “I love you, Kahlani,” I whispered into her hair, holding her like I could shield her from this shitstorm. But deep down, I knew I couldn’t shield her from this.
