Page 65 of Rah
“Shiiid, there is nothing to do about anigga with a fucked up personality. I just wanted to know the type of man that was tied to Solae.”
Blu glanced at me sideways with a smirk tugging at his mouth. “You really like her. I can tell. You ain’t been entertaining nobody else. Matter of fact, you basically dating her already.”
I didn’t even try to deny it. “Yeah. I can see her being my wife one day.” The words came out easy, because I meant them.
Blu raised his brows but kept walking. “You serious, then. You know she got two kids, right? That’s a lot of baggage for a man with none.”
I stopped him with a look. “I don’t give a fuck about that. I’ll take whatever comes with her. Kids, baggage, all of it. She’s worth it.”
But as much as I wanted her, I could feel something holding her back. There was a wall she wouldn’t let me over. I didn’t know what it was yet, but I was going to be patient until she let me climb over it.
SOLAE
I was ignoring seemingly the tenth phone call from Rah.
I couldn’t even get him to look me in the eyes the other day. Now, suddenly, he was blowing up my phone. He even sent me a text message, asking me to meet up with him somewhere so that we could talk.
He could kiss my ass. He’d ignored me for over a week while I went through pure hell. Now the motherfucker wanted to see me?
No.
I was lying in bed watchingAbbot Elementary, trying to make myself laugh. Finally, life seemed to calm down a little bit. Moses was still unconscious, but his vital signs were good. The doctors planned to wake him up soon. Then I looked forward to him and Kahlani being able to put their lives back together.
I was even enjoying Priest’s company. Because I had been spending so much time with the kids and at the hospital, I hadn’t been able to take him up on the many invites to dinner.It was shocking how much he was interested in me, but it felt good to be courted after fourteen years. I couldn’t wait to see him, but I needed to get myself together. We had been constantly talking on the phone and Facetiming each other, though.
Moses’ death scare, DCFS, and Rah had brought a lot of things into perspective for me. I could no longer depend on Rah for anything. He didn’t love me. He loved himself. He didn’t even love his kids. So, it was time for me to love myself just as much as he loved himself. I needed to find a job, get back on my feet, and shake this feeling of defeat and heartbreak.
Yet, that feeling became unshakeable as Essence slunk into my room and crawled into bed with me. My eyebrows arched curiously because, not only had she been acting like she hated the world since she got home, she had never been one to lay under mommy.
She grabbed a pillow and literally curled up under my arm as I lay on my back waiting for the commercials to end.
She said, “Mommy,” in such a frightened and timid tone that it scared the shit out of me. “I need to talk to you.”
My heart immediately began to beat fast with worry. Your child needing to talk to you is never a good thing.
I remained calm, however. With the wrong tone, I would have scared her into silence, and I didn’t want to do that.
I tried to remain as nonchalant as possible as I asked, “What’s wrong, baby?”
“Promise you won’t get mad and flip out.”
Shit, I thought to myself as I rolled my eyes behind her head.
“I promise.”
As soon as she opened her mouth, the cries forcingthemselves out caused her voice to crack. “This boy at the home we had to stay in…”
Though I feared what she was trying to tell me, I encouraged her to go on when she hesitated. “Uh huh.”
“He had sex with me.”
It felt like the wind had been kicked out of me. Still, I remained calm, because I didn’t want to freak her out. I wanted her to be comfortable enough to tell me everything. Kids were having sex young these days. Hell, I had given birth to her when I was only fourteen. It broke my heart, but I couldn’t act like I didn’t understand.
I tried my best to sound calm as I asked, “What made you want to have sex, Essence?”
Immediately, she sat straight up. Finally, I could see the stress in her young face. Despite the developing breasts and hips that she hid under one of her father’s shirts, she was still a very little girl. The immaturity and childlike fear was all over her face and spilled out in tears.
“I didn’t want to,” she cried. “He…he…he made me.”
