Page 77 of Fighting the Tide
As soon as I’m outside, I suck in a lungful of air and grip the brick wall for support.Five years ago, she said she saw me at her mother’s grave.The whole time I thought I was seeing Brooke’s ghost when, in fact, I was seeing her daughter.Our daughter?I stagger around the building just in time to throw up everything in my stomach, my vomit hitting the pavement in loud splashes.This can’t be happening.How did everyone hide this from me?My mother and father, Avery and Monica, and Cassie.All of them had to have known about Brooke’s daughter, and not one of them thought it was important enough to let me know.
Anger soon replaces the shock, and I can feel the tremor of it working its way through my limbs.I have been betrayed by the very people who claimed to care about me.Avery is the only family I have left in this world, and she somehow thought it would be a good idea to hide this from me.I rush for my vehicle and get inside, not bothering with the seat belt as I start it and reverse quickly out of the parking lot.It’s after ten at night, but I don’t give a damn.There’s no way I can go home tonight without the answers I seek.My life hangs in the balance, and I very well could have had a piece of Brooke for the past nineteen years had it not been taken from me.She could be the result of a tempestuous relationship, but it was still the only time I was truly in love.She’s a symbol of that fleeting time in my life.
I stop at the intersection and glance at myself in the rearview mirror.My skin is pale and my eyes are wide and filled with shock.That look will probably never fade, not until I get the answers I seek, the proof I’ll need before I can think of what the next steps are.If Colette is my daughter, I have missed her entire childhood, and I will suddenly become a father to an adult.I can’t even imagine how difficult that would be.
A honk from the car behind me has me pressing the gas and turning onto Avery’s street,Brooke’s street.There’s no denying how bad my luck is here in Chatham, and every time I come back, it’s like a slap in the fucking face.My hands shake as I roll down my window and reach out to press the buzzer to Avery’s intercom, waiting for her to open the gate.I don’t care if I wake the entire house.I’m not leaving until I see her.
After the third ring, her voice comes over the speaker.“Who is it?”
“Open the gate,” I snarl, not able to keep my voice level to save my life.
She doesn’t reply, but a few moments later the creak of the gates pulls me from pressing that button again out of impatience, and I pull into the driveway, making my way around the fountain.Avery is standing at the open door as soon as I park, and I nearly fall from my vehicle when I see her, my legs feeling numb as it spreads all over my body.
“Nolan?”she calls out, her voice filled with worry as she steps out onto the porch.“Are you okay?”
I round the front of the car and stand in front of her, my chest heaving and my heart pounding in my ears.“Why?”
Her eyes narrow on my face and then they widen as she truly takes in my appearance, her hand immediately moving to press against her throat.“You know.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Monicaplacesasteamingcup of tea in front of me, the notes of chamomile hitting my nose.I want to pick it up and smash it on the floor.I don’t need calming tea, I need answers.My nostrils flare as I push the mug away, my eyes firmly on Avery as she sits across from me, her hand pressed to her forehead.
“Two years ago, rumors began circulating of a young girl living in the Eastham estate.The same young girl who would spend a month each summer here in Chatham and then disappear for the rest of the year.Many speculated she was a relative of Mitch and Brenda’s and that they were letting her spend the summers here each year.”Avery takes a sip of her tea, her eyes on my face, and I curl my fingers into a fist as I wait for her to continue the story.“Mitch and Brenda have been living in England since the year after Brooke’s death, and the house has been cared for by the household staff, so there were only rumors and no hard facts.”
“Avery,” I growl as my stomach rolls with tension.“Please get on with it.”
“She’s not your child, Nolan.I made sure to ask her as soon as I saw her.She says her father is Sean Clark.So please calm down and let me continue.”Hearing his name and knowing what he meant to Brooke does nothing to calm my anxiety.
“Did you see proof?”I question.
“We’ve had thorough conversations with her, Nolan,” Monica cuts in.“She watches Elijah for us some nights.”
Shock courses through me and I sit in stunned silence, my ears ringing and my tongue drying as my mouth hangs open.They knew of Brooke’s daughter foryears.They even trust her to watch their son, and not once thought it would be imperative to tell me.
“Nolan.”Avery reaches across the table to grab my hand.“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to hurt you.You were doing so well and why did you need another reminder of how shitty Brooke treated you?You were never coming back to Chatham, and she is not your daughter.”
“Then you sent me that fucking invitation, Avery!”I snarl and yank my hand back.
“No, she didn’t,” Monica says from her seat to the right of me, her hand landing on my forearm.“I did.”
“Mon,” Avery groans and drops her head to the table.
“He needs to know, Avery,” Monica chastises her and turns back to me.“I sent you that invite, hoping you would come back here and face the things you were running from.I knew it was a long shot, but I also knew how much you love Avery.You’ve been torturing yourself for more than half your life about Brooke, the girl you loved and who didn’t know how to love you back.It’s harsh, and it’s going to be painful but, Nolan, you need to listen to everything Avery has to say.”
At thirty-seven years old, I thought the drama of my fucking life was over.I had put this place behind me and made a life for myself, but I should’ve fucking known better.Life is always waiting just around the corner to kick your legs out from under you.
“She has my eyes,” I croak out.
“No.”Avery shakes her head.“It’s a different blue.”
I lift my head to stare at her, wondering if she’s more delusional than I am.“She was conceived in 1996, right?The year I was fucking Brooke,unprotected.”
“It’s also the same summer I warned you about Monica seeing her around town with Sean Clark,” Avery reminds me, and the conversation we had outside of her house all those years ago comes flooding back.“You came to my house, and we finally began talking again, and I begged you not to waste your time with Brooke.”
“Brooke was one of my closest friends, Nolan,” Monica says as she squeezes my arm, then pulls her hand away to wrap it around her cup.“And look what she did to me.Mind you, I didn’t give a shit because Kasen Barnett was never more than a cover-up for me.She didn’t know how to be loyal, and you were probably her only shot at a good and wholesome life, but Sean was undoubtedly her type.”
There’s pain in hearing about Sean and Brooke, old pain and new.It has felt like a lifetime of me questioning why she kept running back to him, and now hearing it from Monica’s mouth proves it all the more.Maybe I was the man she wished she could love, and he was the one she couldn’t help but love.
