Page 37 of Fighting the Tide
It takes about ten minutes to get my bag and then I give Cassie a hasty hug and goodbye so I can run across the parking lot to the rusting red truck.I’m stopped in my tracks when the door opens and my father steps out instead of my mother.The suitcase falls from my hand and hits the pavement with a dullthudwhile my heart beats wildly against my rib cage.“Where is Mom?”I call out.
He comes to stand in front of me and bends down to lift my suitcase.His hair is cut and washed, showing more gray in the dark strands than the last time I saw him.His eyes are clear and focused, a rarity for the last nearly nineteen years of my life.“She was tired, so I let her sleep.Let’s head back so I can cook her dinner before she wakes up.”Shock courses through me and I stand on the spot, unmoving, as I gape at the alien posing as my father.“I know, kid.”He starts walking toward the truck.“I get what you’re feeling, but if you don’t hurry up, you’ll be walking home.”
The fifteen-minute car ride to the beach and our cottage is the most awkward I have ever sat through.When he asked how college was, I could only stare at the side of his face, waiting for the skin to peel back and reveal someone completely different.He stopped asking questions when he realized I wasn’t fit to have a conversation.
That is until we pull into the driveway.“Wait a minute, kid,” he says as he turns off the truck.I despise that he’s calling me kid, like he can’t even work his tongue to say my name.“I know it was you who gave Darren that money, and I wanted to thank you.It really gave me the chance to turn my life around.”
“It wasn’t me.”I open the door and hop out of the truck, my senses finally coming back to me.“I’m glad you’re here and finally helping her out, but don’t think I’m not waiting for the other shoe to drop.”I shut the door and grab my suitcase out of the back, then head into the house to eagerly set eyes on my mother.
Chapter Sixteen
Itwaslikesittingin the twilight zone as I watched my father serve my mother her dinner, and when she winked at me from across the new table he built for them, my shocked facade finally cracked.I let myself be happy for the fact that she was happy, and I decided to let everything my father had put her through go.My relationship with my father will never be a walk in the park, but as long as he’s treating her right, I’ll stay out of his way.
I did notice how tired my mother looked and I questioned her about how much she was working, keeping my eye on my father.She assured me she was cutting back now that Dad had found work at the wharf, repairing docks.I hoped that was true because as soon as she ate her dinner; she was rising from the table, saying she needed to rest and assured me that we would hang out tomorrow.
Now I’m walking along the beach and the smell of burning wood wafts under my nose.The first person I think of is Brooke, and although it makes no sense, I’m rushing to the pit in anticipation.Laughter flies from my mouth when I see Avery sitting there, her long brown hair blowing in the wind.
“Is that you, Sears?”she calls out as she stands.“Finally come home, huh?”
I rush to her and pick her up, twirling her until she squeals.Her arms are tight around my neck, squeezing until I fear I’ll pass out, and yet, I have never been so happy before.I set her back on her feet and really look into her eyes, missing their mocha depths.“Are you okay?”I ask when I see her trying her best to mask the sadness in her eyes.
“Of course!”Her voice is a little too high as her head bobs a few times too many and her arms drop from around my neck.“It’s so good to see you!”
“Avery,” I warn as I yank on her hair.“This is not the look of someone who is succeeding at college and in a relationship with the love of her life.”
At the mention of her relationship, the fake front crumbles and she exhales a heavy breath.“I don’t want to talk about that while you’re home.I just want to have fun.”
“I would rather we hang out authentically, not pretending like everything’s okay.Tell me what happened.”I follow her to our logs and sit in my regular spot, the feel of the smooth wood foreign after all the time I’ve spent away.
“There’s not much to say.We broke up because the distance was too hard.”She stares into the fire as her mouth tips downward.She stretches her legs out in front of her, crossing them at the ankles, and folding her hands in her lap.“It was actually me this time.”
“You broke up with Monica?”I gasp as she chuckles, giving me a dirty look from the side of her eye.
“I was so fucking jealous, Nolan.I couldn’t handle calling her dorm room and hearing the parties, the dudes in the background calling out to my girl, or the amount of drunk calls I would get in the middle of the night.”She runs a hand down her face and shakes her head, her voice sounding sad and tired.“I was making her feel bad, and it was only making her resent me.She needs to enjoy her college years.”
“Did she want to break up?”I ask as I lean forward, my forearms resting on my knees.
“No.”Avery shrugs and picks up a stick by her feet before digging it into the sand.“She begged me not to.”
“Avery, maybe you should have given her a chance,” I suggest as I watch her throw the stick into the fire, frustration coloring her features.
“I was being toxic, Nolan.She didn’t deserve my insecurities.”Her despair rolls off her in tumultuous waves, the energy matching the ocean tonight.
“Did you even give yourself time to realize you’re insecurebecauseof her?Did you?She has been stringing you along for years and dropping you whenever she wanted.You never felt like you were good enough for her.Let her deal with the repercussions of her treatment of you!”I know I’m yelling but I can’t help it.Anger flares through me as I think of all the years Monica used my best friend, and when it became too hard to be in a relationship with her, she dumped her for the star quarterback.Over and over again.
“That’s not how it works, Nolan,” she huffs out as she turns toward me on the log.“I was a willing participant in her search for her true sexuality.I was more than eager to take whatever scraps she was willing to toss my way.I can’t blame her for her hesitation over the years.Look at this place and the people in it.Do you blame her for being scared of dating me?Her parents wanted her to marry fucking Kasen and have a family.Think about how they reacted the night they learned their only child was gay.”She smiles sadly as her eyes water.“I can’t blame her for using me to explore and I’m glad she did because I have been in love with her forever.I just can’t be the person who holds her back more than our relationship already will.”
“Fuck, I thought my relationship with Brooke was fucked-up,” I mumble as she chuckles and kicks sand at me.
“It was.”I give her a look that finally has a genuine smile coming over her face.“That girl is fucked-up.Like, you dodged a bullet, dude.”
I hold up a hand and she swallows down the rest of her words, remembering that I don’t want to hear about Brooke, even if I forgot initially.“How are your parents?”I change the subject as she gives me an apologetic look.
“Still divorced and still hating each other.When I came out to them over the holidays, my father blamed my mother for it.Saying the divorce damaged me.”She shakes her head as I choke on a surprised laugh.
“Did you tell them you’ve been trying to look up girls’ skirts since first grade?”I ask and receive another shot of sand on my legs.
“Honestly?No.I kind of enjoy watching them blame each other for the most absurd things.It’s like watching episodes of Jerry Springer.It’s foul, but you can’t seem to look away.”
